16 Replies to “An Evil Bush Kultish caves to the Jew Conspiracy and is reduced to posting the random thoughts of a catblogger”

1. Jeff Goldstein says:

   May 6, 2006 at 4:23 pm

   PAY UP, SIMON!

2. lsr says:

   May 6, 2006 at 4:55 pm

   cat-blogger-HO!

3. Pablo says:

   May 6, 2006 at 6:07 pm

   Pussy.

4. Beto Ochoa says:

   May 6, 2006 at 6:10 pm

   Swear on a stack of Torahs….
   
   My sister had a cat that was a totally indoor pet. One day she came home to find he hadn’t used the litter box and searched the small apartment to no avail. After a week she was really worried something was wrong and a trip to Pet Emergency yeilded no clues as he was cleared as being in perfect health. Finally, one saturday, she caught him using the toilet. The genius little bastard was flushing too.

5. ed says:

   May 6, 2006 at 7:22 pm

   Hmmm.

   I saw an article where someone trained a cockatoo to use the toilet.

   Now that’s pretty awesome because they usually crap all over the place.

6. maggie katzen says:

   May 6, 2006 at 8:12 pm

   so beto, you’re saying maybe if i left the lid up they would spontaneously start using the commode as intended instead of as a punch bowl?  cause i worry about where wet paws come from.

   tw: Don’t think i’ll be moving the little box anytime soon.

7. The_Real_JeffS says:

   May 6, 2006 at 9:44 pm

   A pot of coffee?  Make mine Irish!!!

8. McGehee says:

   May 6, 2006 at 9:44 pm

   There’s actually been a product that was supposed to train cats to use the terlet. Haven’t seen it advertised lately.

   I guess if it had worked, all cats would be monopolizing the bathroom while their humans give up and crap in the sandbox.

9. Boss429 says:

   May 6, 2006 at 9:45 pm

   Better check what’s in the filter basket before brewing.

10. BoZ, catcommenting says:

    May 6, 2006 at 11:12 pm

    Before you try to push your cat and your toilet into a relationship beyond drinker-and-fountain, know your kitty’s psychological limits.

    My cat, for example, is a Buchanan-voting Angry White (With Bluish Spots) Male. If I show him the slightest sign of weakness, he’ll kill me and eat me and turn my whole house into a litterbox pebbled with my angrily digested remains. I’m Batista, he’s Castro, I know it, he knows I know it, and we’re in detente, but he’s awaiting The Revolutionary Moment. Just once, he thought he had it—and it was the toilet that set his putsch in motion.

    One winter evening, I was about three beers past “Y’know, NASCAR’s kind of interesting from an applied engineering standpoint,” and I felt a need to vacate so startling and clear that I couldn’t risk time spent closing the bathroom door behind me. Spraying away, I glanced over my shoulder, and who should be standing in the doorway but little Fidel, wide-eyed and rolling his head side-to-side, lost in wonderment at the spectacle of my prodigious urination. Or so I thought, until a sudden determination flashed across his face and he dashed away.

    Within an instant I realized what was happening, but I was powerless to move. The dam was loosed, and I had to wait it out. By the time I could stumble back to the living room, kitty had drowned my favorite suede chair, the one that really smelled like my ass, in a pool of urine so deep it was spilling down the sides, and so powerfully rank that even he was hiding from the fumes sizzling off it. The poor chair was territorialized beyond saving.

    For some reason, I didn’t kill the cat—I was drunk and not thinking clearly, I guess, and there’s no point doing it once he’s forgotten why I’m strangling him—but he hasn’t so much as seen a toilet in the years since. Trying to teach him to crap in the bowl would probably trigger a genetic memory of how to build car-bombs, and he’d do me in the parking lot goombah-style while he giggled and smoked a blunt on the balcony. I ain’t fuckin’ with that. And if your cat’s more “bacillus of revolution” than toxoplasmosis, you shouldn’t risk your life playing bathroom games with it, either.

    Lesson in jungle-animal psychology: free for you, $2700 for me.

11. Alien Grey in the time of X-Files says:

    May 6, 2006 at 11:33 pm

    I love those moments in the bathroom when the cat gives you “I drink from that” look.

12. Balzac in a Wringer says:

    May 7, 2006 at 1:05 am

    Boz — One of my recent cats was named Bobbit-cat after an incident in the bathroom.  ‘s all I’m saying…

13. CraigC says:

    May 7, 2006 at 4:59 am

    Watch out for the toxoplasmosis.

    Spamword, “high,” as in, “Man that Petsmart catnip is some dynamite shit!”

14. B Moe says:

    May 7, 2006 at 3:07 pm

    Great post, BoZ.  I have always been a dog person, but just recently acquired a cat.  I was remarking to a friend the other day that when I would see a dog sitting across the room staring at me, I would always think “I wonder what it’s thinking right now?” When I see my cat staring at me across the room I don’t want to know what the fuck she is thinking. *shiver*

    I do question comparing a cat to Castro, however, they strike me as hard core laisse-faire free marketers.

15. Saint Russell says:

    May 7, 2006 at 11:25 pm

    Must reading: The Charles Mingus Cat Toilet Training Program.

    <a href=”http://www.mingusmingusmingus.com/Mingus/cat_training.html” target=”_blank”>

16. Saint Russell says:

    May 7, 2006 at 11:27 pm

    The Charles Mingus Cat Toilet Training Program

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