Merrick: “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL”
Me: ”Really? You might want to rethink that, pal. Seems Pam Anderson has kind of a thing for animals. And if her internet video work is any indication, she can do things to you with her mouth that would make you one torridly excited oblong-headed freak.”*
Merrick:
Merrick: “I AM AN ANIMAL!
Me: “Attaboy. Now. Show up outside her trailer, bang your chest like a gorilla a couple of times, and within a minute you’ll be smiling and puffing on a Kool, with Pammy off hitting the Listerine.”
Yeah, Merrick. If it’s rights you’re after, rather than arbitrary, racist, patriarchical, culturally-determined norms, then best to go with animal.
But you really gotta work on the cuteness. Ugly animals really aren’t getting the love these days.
Word.
Support tuna-safe dolphin!
Save a mouse!!!
Eat a pussy!
Why Listerine? Jim Beam has more alcohol, tastes better, and helps to kill the memory of the last few minutes.
That’s an ugly, ugly image, Jeff.
Although if you think about it, even with Elephantitis, it can’t be that much bigger than Tommy’s.
Spamword, “worked.” Word.
JeffS – I really don’t want to know how you know that…
That has to go into some Hall of Fame, by God.
Major John, I was but speaking metaphorically, compiling a possible alkternate solution for this scenario from a wide range of personal experiences throughout my life. I assure you, I was not speaking of personal involvement with any of the characaters involved in this skit.
The closest I ever came to having Pamela Anderson drinking my booze was when I toasted her bouncing image on some BayWatch re-run, late one night whilst on TDY.
As for the ghost of John Merrick, well, it seems that he prefers to haunt Colorado, and I just haven’t been there very much.
Oh, and as for killing memories……two words.
Coyote. Ugly.
TW: Been there, done that.
And on the ugliness scale Tommy is pushing John pretty hard. And my doctor/bartender says you can’t get herpes if you already have elepantitis.
GO SEE FLIGHT 93.
I’m tellin ya, unless you arm Mr. Merrick with some sort of battery-powered device, you’re setting him up to fail, it will go down as a pick and the elevator doors will slam shut before he can finish the “do we not bleed?” line.
I think the Penguin used that line in that Batman movie with Michael Keaton and Michelle Pfeiffer, directed by Burton.
I also think Jeff’s jealous. And that’s unseemly. Because Merrick’s ghost hardly ever gets laid.
Mr Goldstein, so far you have had, just today, conversations with a never animate object (a steamed dumpling) and a post-animate object (a ghost). Even The Liberal Avenger would be worried about you—if he knew.
Of course, if one were to assume that the previously referenced dumpling and spirit were actually pseudonyms of yours, praising your own work, we’d have a Michael Hiltzik sock puppet situation raging, and Patterico will be investigating you.
HOW ‘BOUT THEM KINGS?? Eat it, San Antonio.
I have had my head buried in Critical Theory and writing the paper of my life. The sign, the signified, blah, blah, blah…
Foucault, Jeff? When are you writing your book, Sir?
Goya–
I’ll give you a hint: the sign is more important than the signified, because professors of comparative literature find it easier to manipulate than they do even hot female grad students. Also, the granting of tenure is a kind of speech act called performative utterance.
Hope that helps.
<blockquote>They exhibited him as a freak. Women fainted at the sight of him, children wept, tough men flinched. He was loathed and reviled. Yet a century later a movie was based on his life, and we know his name. Who knows the name of the bastard who owned him and put him on exhibit, or the names of those who fainted or wept, or flinched? They’re dust, and he’s immortal. Besides, when he went out in public, that hooded cloak he wore was way cool.
Dean Koontz Forever Odd
Dan, interesting point. But what if the hot female grad student is the one manipulating the professor, resulting in specific speech utterances having not to do with tenure? What does that do to the sign system? What becomes the signified? And who has the real power?
And who has the real power?
Whoever has the audio/video recording, of course.
Ga-Ross.
Goya–
Perhaps you could rewrite the idea of phallogocentrism as a “joystick” by which the male professoriate may be manipulated, then. And if you get it published, you can go on tour with Camille Paglia. I suggest the working title, “Rewriting Your Tiny Professorial Dick, You Hard-Wired Dolt.”
Hmmm, let us step around and then peek through the lens of gender theory (after all, lenses do magnify, and isn’t that the desired effect?). Why then, if the female is doing the manipulating, the pejorative word in the title? How is it that a female can call a male a “dolt” but if he then publishes a retort, can he call her a “broad?” Is it only allowable for a male to sling if he is first the recipient of slinging? And if the female is the agressor, why is she allowed to be glorified in it, and the male still villified in his defense? But then, had he no power to resist her persuasion? And, ultimately, what kind of hyperreality results? I mean is the reality that all females grad students who are hot are either persued or pursuing? Finally, what does “hot female grad student” really signify?
I must admit to really liking the poetic, rather than prosaic, working title. I mean, listen to it roll with alliteration (“Dick, Dolt”).
And Joe, nice to see you :D I never record anything.
Goya–
Perused or pursued?
Ah, Dan, please forgive my spelling error; my acuity is sharply depleted this time of year, what with 56 fucking pages to write by Thursday….
So, pursued or pursuing, although I do like perused, too. What I intended does affect your response, doesn’t it?
I was just thinking about how fun it might be to reinscribe the hot grad student (whatever that signifies) that one is perusing, even if the relations of power are all in her favor, thus making one a hapless victim.
Has the male fantasy of being the hapless victim of any hot female, but particularly one that can also demonstrate brillance of mind, ever expired so that it need be reinscribed?
Goya,
Are we talking about the same stylus?
Ummmm, translation?
Ummmm–boustrophedon?
Yes.
Nah, we just like reinscribing. Especially where we haven’t inscribed before.
I don’t care whether you’re inscribing or reinscribing—just not in the street where you’ll frighten the horses.
somewhat related….i just read about this today. but it’s in French. blech.
McGehee, my friend, I’m not doing anything in the streets. I am a hot female grad student lady.
I talk semiotics, but I don’t do semiotics.