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“Jimmy Carter’s Lament”:  a haiku

“Had I fought Iran

like I did that wet bunny,

Reagan was soooo meat.”*

****

(h/t Allah)

32 Replies to ““Jimmy Carter’s Lament”:  a haiku”

  1. Jay says:

    No, it was more than Iran.  It was 13% inflation (and rising), double-digit unemployment (and rising), 21% prime rate (and rising), gas lines, kissing up to the Soviets and the Sandanistas, creating the Dept of Energy, creating the Dept of Education, ….

    I could go on.  The most inept President in history.

  2. Larry G says:

    Six syllables? “Reagan would’ve been meat.” No season?  Yada, yada.

  3. JohnAnnArbor says:

    Was it a swimming rat or rabbit?

  4. Jeff Goldstein says:

    It was a bunny.  I think Jimmy is being colloquial here.

    And I have decided, for purposes of this haiku, that “would’ve” is one syllable.

    Artistic license and all that.  But have it your way.

    BEHOLD THE CHANGES! 

  5. natesnake says:

    King Arthur: Consult the Book of Armaments.

    Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.

    Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, “O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.” And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu…

    Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother…

    Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

    Brother Maynard: Amen.

    All: Amen.

  6. natesnake says:

    It’s got teeth!

  7. Mikey says:

    Of course, if this was Herman, the German Giant rabbit from a week or two ago, Jimmy would have been correct to have used depth charges.  Or a BAR.

  8. natesnake says:

    Tim: There he is!

    King Arthur: Where?

    Tim: There!

    King Arthur: What? Behind the rabbit?

    Tim: It *is* the rabbit!

    King Arthur: You silly sod!

    Tim: What?

    King Arthur: You got us all worked up!

    Tim: Well, that’s no ordinary rabbit.

    King Arthur: Ohh.

    Tim: That’s the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

    Sir Robin: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!

    Tim: Look, that rabbit’s got a vicious streak a mile wide! It’s a killer!

    Sir Galahad: Get stuffed!

    Tim: He’ll do you up a treat, mate.

    Sir Galahad: Oh, yeah?

    Sir Robin: You manky Scots git!

    Tim: I’m warning you!

    Sir Robin: What’s he do? Nibble your bum?

    Tim: He’s got huge, sharp… er… He can leap about. Look at the bones!

    King Arthur: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!

    Sir Bors: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin’ right up!

  9. Tman says:

    any other Monty Python quote takers? My turn-

    Tim: There he is!

    King Arthur: Where?

    Tim: There!

    King Arthur: What? Behind the rabbit?

    Tim: It *is* the rabbit!

    King Arthur: You silly sod!

    Tim: What?

    King Arthur: You got us all worked up!

    Tim: Well, that’s no ordinary rabbit.

    King Arthur: Ohh.

    Tim: That’s the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

    Sir Robin: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!

    Tim: Look, that rabbit’s got a vicious streak a mile wide! It’s a killer!

    Sir Galahad: Get stuffed!

    Tim: He’ll do you up a treat, mate.

    Sir Galahad: Oh, yeah?

    Sir Robin: You manky Scots git!

    Tim: I’m warning you!

    Sir Robin: What’s he do? Nibble your bum?

    Tim: He’s got huge, sharp… er… He can leap about. Look at the bones!

    King Arthur: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!

    Sir Bors: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin’ right up!

    Sorry Jeff, but that’s all I can think of whenever I hear the Carter bunny story.

  10. Tman says:

    nate, great minds and all that.

  11. natesnake says:

    Right back at ya.

  12. Squid says:

    You people frighten me.  Even more than do giant bunnies.

  13. B Moe says:

    BEHOLD THE CHANGES!

    I used to read Goldstein back before he sold out.

  14. TODD says:

    I guess than I am a post sell out reader then….

  15. Carin says:

    Jeff, don’t let them compromise your vision. Next thing you know, they’ll walk in your front door, and have their way with your dog.

  16. Spiny Norman says:

    nate, Tman,

    It just ain’t the same without the sound:

    Why, that’s no ordinary rodent!

  17. Spiny Norman says:

    Jeebus H Cripes, I can’t even get the quote right on my own damn link…

    As you were.

  18. ss says:

    actus?

  19. Boss429 says:

    <a href=”http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_sounds/hg/ordinary.wav” target=”_blank”>

  20. Beck says:

    I find it instructive that Actus never joins in on the comments threads for the ‘fun’ posts.

  21. proudvastrightwingconspirator says:

    Let’s not forget Jimmah in the cardigan sweater, snuggled up by the fire, explaining to America that it was suffering a “crisis of spirit” and a “malaise”, effectively blaming the voters for his own lack of leadership.

    Let’s not forget turning allies Nicaragua and Iran into the biggest sponsor of global terrorism and the cradle of Islamic extremism based on his inept holier-than-thou foreign policy.

    Let’s not forget the indictment of his OMB Director Bert Lance for bank fraud.

    Let’s not forget leaving our embassy staff to rot for 444 days in the hands of Iranian

    “students” including the current unhinged, nuclear fixated Iranian President.

    Let’s not forget the fact that Rosalynn (the original Steel Magnolia) carried Jimmah’s balls around in her purse for 4 years. (No wonder he “commited adultery in his heart”)

    Let’s not forget that his buffoon Brother Billy went from beermeister to lobbying agent for Libya.

    Let’s not forget that while the all these problems were facing the nation, Jimmah was busy personally arranging the schedule for the White House tennis court!

  22. Mark says:

    I used to read Goldstein back before he sold out.

    “No one goes there anymore, it’s way too crowded”

  23. bigbooner says:

    If only the bunny had been more resolute…

  24. Patrick Chester says:

    “I warned ye, I warned ye, but oh no: ‘It’s just a little bunny rabbit!’ Everytime it’s always the same!”

  25. John says:

    Pathetic sissy rabbit.  How wimpy does a bunny have to be that it can’t even take down Jimmy Carter?

  26. MarkD says:

    One of life’s minor regrets – the Marine Corps delivered my absentee ballot too late for me to vote against that buffoon.

    Absentee balloting, apparently, is one problem that is still not solved.

  27. I voted for Carter before I voted against him.

    But I was only a kid when I voted for him, and I deserve some small amount of credit for realizing my mistake.  Worst. President. Ever.

  28. What a coup!

    Snatched haiku from the soon to be published,

    Jimmy Carter Selfserving Book of Verse.

    You say I’m the worst

    President, you ever saw.

    What about Bubba?

    Once I was the pres,

    Now just a fading shadow,

    And doddering farce.

    An old hypocrite,

    But I was president once.

    What have you done, sport?

  29. You say I’m the worst

    President, you ever saw.

    What about Bubba?

    Worse than Bubba.

    Except for one thing—the nagging feeling that Bubba used military strikes in 1998 to divert attention from Lewinsky’s testimony in August and the impeachment vote at the end of the year.  If that nagging feeling is based on truth, nothing Carter could have done would be worse.

  30. jdm says:

    If that nagging feeling is based on truth, nothing Carter could have done would be worse

    Got your back there, man.

  31. Major John says:

    Those strikes and their backing by many Democrats has not redounded to their credit during their sputtering hissy fits over the current conflict.

  32. speaker-to-animals says:

    test

Comments are closed.