Readying myself for today’s stress echocardiogram, I choose a pair of light cross-training shoes, yellow spandex running shorts, and a black mesh shirt that allows my skin to breathe.
The black porkpie hat and chain wallet? Well, those just cap off the outfit. And sometimes, health is all about feeling good about yourself.
Yes….but my advice:
DON’T LOOK IN THE MIRROR!!!
Is that where they hook you up with these electrodes all over your chest and make you run?
I had to do that last year and they put me in this room with a treadmill right? The nurse told me I had to take off my shirt and bra and they put the electrode thingys on and told me to start walking briskly. Now I have never done this kind of thing before. So I’m without a shirt here. The nurse says “The Doctor will be in in a moment.” She turns to leave.
Well, I realize this is all medical and professional, but ummm.. not comfortable with this especially since I have never even seen this Doctor before. I say “ Excuse me, can I put my shirt on over this?” And she looks up distracted, “Oh yes, I’m sorry I wasn’t even thinking.” So I put my shirt on and 2 seconds later a very nice looking 30 something year old Doctor comes in.
Good grief.
This is something different, I think. They do an ultrasound of my heart, then make me exercise on the treadmill, then do a second ultrasound.
GOOD TIMES!
I dunno, I think I detect a hint–the faintest whiff–of abashedness in your pragmatism. Either that, or someone just dropped a drive-by stinky. The two scents are strikingly similar.
Sparkle, maybee you should have left it off then…. heh.
Jeff, if I ever undergo such a procedure, I want to try it in a zoot suit. Should be loose enough, right?
In that getup, Jeff, it sounds like you could be an Achewood character. Now THAT would be COOL…
Jeff,
If it makes you feel any better, mine problems ended up being stress not the heart.
Guess that’s better, right?
Two Tone dolphin shorts in Bronco colors and a Randy Gradashar half mesh football jersey could really help your performance.
Kilt?
Rightwingsparkle, I just looked at your picture at your web-site; it makes the thought of you shirtless and sweaty all the more appealing. (wolf-whistle)
Thanks Jack, thanks alot for pointing out that picture, now my heart is racing too!
It looks like Jeff has been reading the literature. Been known for years, now it’s being quantified, that if you have a positive outlook on life, you get well, stay well. If you have a negative outlook, you get sick, stay sick. So Jeff is “looking good!” for the test. So he’s going to ace it!
Why do you think I suggested that Sparkle leave the shirt off? You are just now learning this? heh heh.
I keep getting a mental image of Alex from A Clockwork Orange when he goes to the gym….
And that’s not a great mental image. And now I can’t shake it. Curses!
Here’s something to get your blood pressure up and your cardiac rate elevated: The SF Chronicle (SFGate.com) had a GLOWING article profiling Daily KOS blogger Markos Moulitsas Zuniga. The fluff piece from the “Voice of the Left” notes that he was “regularly beaten up” as a high school nerd, (thereby validating his liberal bona fides) and that now he’s the author of a “powerful liberal blog that’s caught the attention of big pols” and has landed a book deal.
Hurry home Jeff, the Rocky Mountian News or Denver Post may be calling any minute. Or maybe not…..
You guys……Life isn’t like the model pictures you view on the net. A middle aged mom of 4 sweating on a treadmill with electrodes stuck on her chest isn’t sexy no matter what she looks like…trust me!
But.. thanks anyway!
proudvast….,
You should have said: “Jeff, hurry back and beat KOS again to get your heart rate up.”
After all, we wouldn’t want his bona fides to be mere heresay.
OH. MY. GHOD…
Sparkle, we’ll be the judges of that, thankyouverymuch.
At the start I thought you were going for the yellow & black track suit look like Bruce Lee in “Enter of the Dragon.”
Spandex? Show some modesty and wear a codpiece too. Don’t leave home without it.
Leather vest, crotchless chaps and a big rubber ball in your mouth, that is how Lou would do it…
Hey Todd,
Bring out the gimp
Also Sparkle,
Don’t sell yourself short. You have a large number of fans….
We all love Texans you know…..
Jeff, there’s no way you really wore that getup without tube socks.
I just had one of those a few weeks ago. The most disconcerting thing, apart from discovering just how appalling out of shape I am, was watching that ultrasound. If I’m going to have a heart attack, I really don’t want to watch it happen.
Goodbye, porkpie hat.
25 PW Dollars to anyone who gets the reference.
NO GOOGLING!
Charles Mingus Ahh Umm
So…did you explode?
Sometimes the protein oracle is just a fucking shepherd on parade. But I just. cain’t. quit.
Did one of those in January. Shit, we must all be getting old or something.
So I walk in without my shirt. Imagine how pissed I was to see that the patient had put her shirt on.
I fired the nurse immediately.
—-a very nice looking 30 something year old Doctor
Brain damage alert; Steve Gilliard ahead!
Oh. My. God. The fever swamp is percolating.
Some love from the comments:
Yep, that’s a Congressman they’re talking about. He’s white though, so it’s OK.
Sparkle, not only are you a beautiful “middle aged mom of 4,” but these guys are men, remember? We all have our issues with gravity, but the menfolk, bless ‘em, will generally overlook imperfections as long as they can get an eyeful.
(No offense intended, gents. Far better, IMHO, to be consorting with men who don’t think finding women attractive is something to apologize for than with what the other side has to offer. Likewise no offense intended to gay folk, who don’t enter this calculus at all.)
TW: All part of the grand design, ISTM.
Likewise no offense intended to gay folk, who don’t enter this calculus at all.)
Nice goin’ Jaimie. We had it! One thread without actus. It was in our grasp. And now you’ve just put up the
HEY ACTUS, WHAT DO YOU THINK sign.
Thanks a lot.
Sorry, al… With luck, maybe he won’t look this far down. After all, he wasn’t FIRST!!
Anyway, I quite like his little bon mots.
Me too. I like to play the game of thinking up what the most point-missing reaction to a post could be and then seeing if he posted it.
CraigC, woke up it was a Mingus morning….and I gave that crap Jazz Mitchell album to another canyon lady.
So Jeff, didja want to to throw up or what?
Craig Although I guess techinically I lose, cause it’s an actual Mingus song…
Don’t hate me but Jazz gives me epilepsy.
Hmmm.
@ Jeff
I hope it goes well. sigh. I have to schedule a 2-D echocardiogram and a few blood tests.
Not looking forward to it frankly.
sw: Remember to change your underwear first!
Ed..The plain echocardiogram is the funnest test.
All you have to do is lay back and enjoy it. Plus you usually get to see if your aorta is about to pop open.
Plus you might get wanded by a good-looking 30 year old sonographist.
Stress tests – bleeechhh.
Wanded? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
I’m not into jazz that much, Sarah. I know it from Jeff Beck’s version.
Spamword, “music.” Jesus.
Cross-training shoes? No, no, NO! That’s an outfit that just cries out for Berkenstocks and gray wool sox… But at least you’re spared the sight of yourself from behind. Nobody looks good in Spandex.