I call this piece, Liminal Modalities (or, offspring of evil rightwing hatemonger dons modified shooting glasses and waits to go with dad and bag him some darkies outside of KFC)
from the forthcoming protein wisdom coffee table book, “Brown People Got No Reason: A Conservatives’ Guide to Winning the War Against the Brown People We Hate So Much”
Actually, I’d prefer if you bang the Peta Activists out front instead.
What’s wrong with those people I love animals.
They’re Delicious!
Baby boy is ad-er-able and I can’t believe everyone gives you such a hard time for staying home with him. I thought liberal feminists love that shit.
Sorry, Jeff. The kid’s got a Bono vibe. Just go with it.
Cutie patootie.
Gotta agree with the previous comments. This guy’s adorable. You’re one lucky dad.
One of the Happy Mondays has been reincarnated! Is that you, Bez?
That boy looks suspiciously…dark.
Oh sure. You would have a son. Christ are you sexists ever predictable.
Adorable!
I admire you for devoting yourself to raising your son. Very, very admirable.
I have always been thankful of my mother for setting so much aside so she could raise us full-time. She’s the best.
Shouldn’t the boy be wearing his cape (towel)?
It scares me witless that you are raising a child after that comment, sarcastic or no.
It scares me witless that you are raising a child after that comment, sarcastic or no.
Why? I assume he has been accused of that or worse. Is he suppose to deny it and thereby lend it credance? Is he supposed to cry about it? Or, should he just make fun of it? He picked the last one. Seems like the smart approach to me.
That’s not a long trip, is it?
Pablo…shit! That made me laugh, man.
You know, I can totally understand the leftwing bloggers having a problem with you Jeff, but it is disturbing (but not surprising) that they would attack you taking care of your son.
I guess they don’t see how jerky that is.
I completely agree, but I’m unclear whether the current parody site has done so. Did I miss that?
Oh, wait. The headline. My bad.
He’s still gorgeous.
[try scrolling down the page and you’d see I already linked the site – ed]
He’s as cute as can be, and cracking me up everytime I check the site.
Lauren, did you miss the headline because of your intellectual dishonesty? Or because of your devotion to your own pampered self?
That one cracked me up, as did the haiku. The rest was rather pedestrian for the amount of energy that must have gone into it.
Take it easy, Robert. You can let her have an honest mistake.
Or because of your devotion to your own pampered self?
Duh. Obviously.
It was a joke, Craig. See the “open question for feminists” post at the parody site.
You would have known that if you weren’t so intellectually dishonest.
After some of the screaming, red-faced fits I’ve seen ‘peace-lovers’ throw in front of their own terrified children, that’s not a complaint I’d put a lot of weight in…
Don’t you worry about how my wife and I are raising our child.
But as someone said above, these are just a few of the characterizations of me that I’ve read over the last several weeks. Just thought I’d have a little fun with it.
Hey, Jeff, because you’re such a massive intellectual, post-modernist writer dude, as well as a manly Bush-supporter with a huge cock, as you constantly remind us, how do you reconcile your hipster credentials with your policy of censoring posts and banning posters who annoy you?
I mean, I’m just curious. Are you a giant hypocrite or what? I’m guessing the former.
What another Jeff REALLY means: “I don’t need context or information!”
How do I “reconcile” being a writer with “banning” those who arrive at my cyber house and immediately begin scrawling four-letter words all over my walls in crayon?
What’s to reconcile? It’s a non-sequitur.
There are plenty of left-leaning critics posting here. They’re just not assholes, for the most part. Unlike…well, for instance, you.
another Jeff,
Why is it hypocritical to censor people who say unacceptable things? Or to ban them? This is Jeff’s blog and he can do whatever he wishes here.
One thing Jeff taught me early in my blogging was that I didn’t have to put up with jerks and he was right.
You want to have a debate on the issues, fine. But you don’t have to get personal.
Okay, now I’m totally enlightened.
By the way, I paticularly liked the poster who put my e-mail in their post (as though it weren’t already available in my original post). Please, you inbred rednecks, freep me to your little heart’s content.
Another Jeff, or should I say mailto:driscollschultz@hotmail.com,
assuming that is really you:
1) Have you been banned or censored? Since I am reading you here, I suppose the answer is no.
2) Personally speaking, if it pleased me, I’d ban a fella for snorin’ too loud. Annoying him, forsooth. Considering the garbage he tolerates, I shudder to think what he’s removing.
3) Bad leftists are the worst, the very worst, at that sort of thing. Both at being lousy guests and at intolerance of dissent. And since in the latter case, in general, it is their blog, one hasn’t a leg to stand on, but why tolerate it in the former? Certainly if it serves no useful purpose?
4) The X-Files shadow cigarette smoking government being eeeevil as it is, no, I wouldn’t censor or ban after all. I’d just drop a dime to Krycek or Quiet Willy or Knowle Rohrer, and watch you hit the evening news…or disappear without a trace.
TW: Posts such as yours seem a poor return for the hospitality you do in fact receive.
This is his turf: his rules apply. End of discussion, really.
And we’ve had this discussion in other contexts numerous times.
Hmmm.
Cute boy, but definitely a Bono vibe going on here.
Who do these guys think they’re kidding? Or maybe they are just really fricking naive and haven’t the slightest clue their fearless champions of debate, dumbass hosts BAN on an instantaneous basis if they so much as whiff an alien point of view. Don’t want to screw with all the groovy depthness on an “Picking my nose, OPEN THREAD”
C’mon, hurry Daddee! Mommies are the ones s’posed to put away the funny men from the basement
Aw, it’s a nano-jeff!
Y’know I’m surprised these things actually happen. They take a lot of effort and they’re not that funny. Everyone just ends up grousing about it. Even those of us who usually lurk end up thinking “This sucks.”
Ahh, there’s my little cutie! :::makes note to stay away from any and all KFCs:::
What “things,” Gabriel?
Hey, Jeff, because you’re such a massive intellectual, post-modernist writer dude, as well as a manly Bush-supporter with a huge cock, as you constantly remind us, how do you reconcile your hipster credentials with your policy of censoring posts and banning posters who annoy you?
Another Jeff, you seem inordinately interested in the size of Jeff’s cock. And since you apparently think that calling him manly is an insult (please, PLEASE don’t come back with the lame chickenhawk thing), I’m just wondering: Do you buy your panties at Victoria’s Secret? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m just askin’.
Understatement.
How about keeping your kid outta school to paddle out in the middle of the SF bay in a 5 man raft in oder to stop a gynormous, steam rolling submarine containing some kinda bad weapon? And, not so the kid could experience this incredibly *stupid idea* or be a part of this magical (dangerous and so flippin obviously ineffective) moment, school? just totally didn’t comport with the timing of all this. Huge cramp in style.
and glory activist moment.
Jeff, now is really the time to put in that mud wrestling pit for me and Lauren.
The parody site could have a ball with that!
Dibs on the red bikini, ‘kay Lauren?
You can have the blue one.
If you can, in fact, judge a man by his enemies, the Mr. Goldstien’s reputation would appear to be secure.
“One of the Happy Mondays has been reincarnated! Is that you, Bez?”
As with most references in these parts: sorry I can’t help you there. The Happy Mondays reference does bring back fond, if somewhat clouded, memories of the Gay Traitor (tribute to Kim Philby) pub in Manchester, UK circa 1990, where the DJ loved to mix the Mondays with Public Enemy and obscure Doors tracks.
Thumbs up on the Satchel pics; guaranteed to disarm rabid critics like nothing else.
Parody sites. I’m just not a fan. Especially when the purpose of the site is something other than humor. Here for instance, I doubt the author was going for: “See…pretty funny over there at PW, no?” Rather, it was meant to needle: “Look at the babble! See the faux concern, the hypocrisy!! How ‘bout them rethuglicans, with their t-shirts and books!! Aren’t they teh suck?”
That’s not funny. That’s namecalling. And it brought a whole buncha namecallers out of the woodwork:
“Oh, you can’t take a joke.” “Well, YOU can’t take a joke either.” Cock-size. Mean-ness. Etc.
It just wasn’t funny.
Just for the record. Jeff has never punted my ass out of here. And, I often disagree with him. And, tell him that what he said was suckified. And, frankly, he still makes me laugh, and always when I least expect it, when I’m po’d about something he wrote, he makes me laugh…….humor IS the best medicine.
Jeff your kid is precious and I was not condemning you for staying home with him – i was reacting to your headline – hoping that kind of hyperbole (the headline) was not filtering into his young impressionable mind. Baby-Bono?
An adorable lad, indeed, Jeff. You’re a lucky man!
But since he is wearing shooting glasses, where is his weapon of choice as the offspring of an evil rightwing hatemonger?
The Real JeffS  He needs two, so you don’t unbalance the stroller…
I’m in agreement with Gabriel Malor. Parody is a hard thing to do – you have to go far enough from the subject but not so far that it becomes stupid.
That’s why good parody deserves to be appreciated. Oh well, next year they can try again.
lol failure at posting
postus interruptus?
“Mrs. Patton”: A matched pair would be fine, so long as the controls are mounted in front of that fine young man. Although an override switch on the handle bars might be a good idea, y’know, just in case……
Baby-Bono? I see Fonda.
Jeff,
Perhaps some tinted Wiley-X SGs would be good, if you need some shades for the lad. They give you a little more of the Neo look, a little less of the Bono look.
Cute kid.