INDCBill: you know
INDCBill: I had this exact problem with Ambien
INDCBill: did all kinds of stuff, remembered NONE of it the next day
INDCBill: you know what the worst was?
proteinwisdom: What?
INDCBill: the killings
INDCBill: like the time I woke COVERED in blood wearing nothing but a broken condom—a screwdriver and clumps of hair on the floor next to my bed.
INDCBill: in the living room? dead body sprawled across the coffee table
INDCBill: luckily it was an indigent
proteinwisdom: Good. They barely show up on the radar.
INDCBill: oh yeah – but tell me…
INDCBill: have you ever tried to saw through a femur with a grapefruit knife and an Ambien hangover?
proteinwisdom: Yes.
proteinwisdom: Not easy
proteinwisdom: The trick is to score it first.
proteinwisdom: Then it snaps like a pretzel stick.
proteinwisdom: Quickest way.
INDCBill:
INDCBill: thanks
proteinwisdom: I think you may have a lawsuit here, by the way.
proteinwisdom: I mean, Ambien made you bang a hobo. That’s gotta be worth something, right?
Holy shit.
So I wasn’t the only one that happened to? And all this time, living with the pain, guilt, trauma. We should get a class action suit together.
Kinda makes you wonder what INDCBill was up to on his recent hiatus.
And has anyone heard from Dorkafork?
Scoring only works for old bones. Fresh ones are too bendy.
Also, the Hobo Anti-Defamation League is considering a lawsuit.
I figured out where this conversation went wrong, Jeff. Right here:
“proteinwisdom: What? “
My wife has the same problem with Ambien. I’m always having to tell her what the hell she watched or did before bed. So far, thank God, she hasn’t banged or killed any hobos though.
I’m not sure he has much in the way of a lawsuit. He’d have to prove that he wouldn’t have bumped uglies with a hobo if he was sober as a monk. Which, I mean, you know Bill.
Damn, I’m just a piker. And to think I was feeling guilty waking up well-rested of courseâ€â€next to a half-eaten cichlid on Wonderbread “poboy” (dressed with Kyoto Dwarf Japonicus and AquaFresh X-tra Whitening) and one of those green aquarium scoop nets sticking out of my ass.
Hmmm, I’m feeling a little sore in the hips, I wonder if I caught the little buggers like that…
Just out of curiosity, how drunk does the hobo usually have to be?
Hey, you guys are just making excuses here. I don’t think the Ambien made Bill bang any hobos, if you know what I mean.
Power tools, man. Power tools.
Why doesn’t actus ever seem to comment in these frolicky threads? You’d think he’d welcome us laughing with him, for once.
Cordially…
I have to agree with Merovign here. A Recip. Saw would make short work of Bill problem. Oh ! and he should keep a large supply trash bags and quick lime on hand. That if he going to make a habit .
Popped a pill ‘bout 30 minut….zzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Wow, that’s reminds me of the time I killed a drifter who looked like Neil Diamond so I could get an erection.
Well that explains a lot. I just thought I must have really hated vagrants.
Well, off to get more pills…
AG, quicklime is good stuff, but does leave an annoying solid residue. Plastic garbage containers (40-gallon size) with properly-sealing lids and the enzymes used for boosting septic tank action, plus a bit of water, take longer but are much more thorough. (Keep in a warm, well-ventilated place.) As a bonus, there’s no problem with contamination of the sewage system upon disposal.
It is, of course, best to lay in supplies before the next dose. Details may be forgotten during performance exhiliration, so simplicity and preparedness are the keynotes, along, of course, with the motto of the F. F. Freak Brothers.
Regards,
Ric
I think if any sane person ever ran across these threads, they’d gouge their eyes out, then call the cops. Good thing it’s only us’ns!
There are sane people around?
I’d be obliged if you’d fetch the twelve-gauge, Sara Nan. Trespassers will be violated.
Regards,
Ric
tw: And the truth will set you free. It won’t pay the prescription deductible, though.
The english language can be so so beautiful.
Oh, and Bill…blame it on the grapefruit.
tman:actually Bill, it’s worth nothing. the problem is society made you take ambien.
They are the reason you woke up the dead hooker.
You’re just a pawn in their game man..
….so, um…….you gonna finish those before St Paddy’s day? Cause I know some folks that would be well, PSYCHED…….n’ stuff…
TW: Ch-ch-ch-ch-chaaaanges…..turn and face the change…ch-ch-changes…
Ambien puts the wheel to shame. I have a small shrine built to my prescription. I light candles, in hope that I’ll get more.
You just have to know that every now and then you’ll go into a blackout. Take an aspirin before you go to bed, and it’ll be less likely you’ll (partly) wake up.
My husband and I were thinking of running a sort of offbeat Sporting Goods shop for a while, for disorganized serial killers: we’d pre-assemble “killing kits” (handcuffs, blindfold, duct tape, rope, gloves, and a few simple weapons) and have a drive-through lane on Friday/Saturday nights.
‘Cause sometimes you’re in a hurry, you know?
We decided against it, and went instead for the “Liquor store, etc.” that caters to young single men: we rent videos, and sell lots of lube, Kleenex, and frozen pizza.
But we kept the drive-through lane. We thought that was important.
Attila Girl- did you take Ambien before you posted that?
…no, but I did stay at a Holliday Inn Express last night…
Dismemberment creates and leaves too much evidence. Put on a rain suit, old pair of shoes, and dish washing gloves. It’s best to wrap the entire corps in Visqueen or heavy-duty trash bags. Duck tape carefully to ‘seal-in’ the freshness. Use generous amounts of bleach cleaner to destroy and make unusable any remaining DNA material. Place all cleaning materials and byproducts in a garbage bag. Place corps, cleanup bag, and fresh set of clothes and shoes in the family sedan. Drive. Stop at a random secluded spot beside a U.S. Highway around 4:30 a.m. Park far enough from the side of the road as to not arouse curiosity. Drag the package nothing less than 200 yards perpendicular to the road. Dig a 6’ deep hole to help elude the cadaver dogs. Chuck the corps and cover. Spread indigenous sticks and leaves over the fresh dirt. Remove all clothes that you have on including underwear and shoes. Replace with new clothes. Drive 10 miles away. Park using the original procedure and bury clothes at a 3’ depth minimum. Drive home and take a long hot shower using lye soap. Take an Ambien. Convince yourself for years following that it was just a bad dream.
T/W That Nate guy is fucking creepy.
Nate,
Some possible problem with your method. First is Tire tracks . You have to wait after the rain soak ground to dry. You might find yourself stuck with a pile bodies. They wil not need CSI to get a conviction. Second is running into other people during the dump. You be surpise at how many other serial Killers you run into. SK get very territoral about their dump grounds .
This is all fun and games until someone loses an eye … behind the couch.
hmmm…mebbe you and indecentbill are both ready for Miike.
Natesnake & AG,
Not to mention critters digging up your freshly buried body. Need some pepper spray to douse the body in. Keeps critters away for up to 3 weeks.
You didn’t really have to dismember him at all, you could’ve just dropped him or her at the United Terminal at O’Hare. No one would notice. After a couple of days when he or she still hasen’t moved and he or she has begun to smell, everyone will just assume that they work there.
That’s what I do.
Then I complain about customer service at the airlines.
I complain and complain, get so angry that I kill again, vicious circle really.
Two words:
dog food.
Blah blah right-wing Rumsfeld warmonger chickenhawk evil Bushies Wolwowitz and his neocon cabal for oiloiloiloiloiloil blah blah ignorant stupid bloodthirsty morons, the real axis of evil on a ranch in Crawford and blah blah blah no WMD he lied, Bushitler lied, people died died died tie-dyed peace peace peace down with the Zionists! peace peace Kyoto! they hate us they hate us they hate us and what can we do and root causes and root causes and blowback and Plame and Plame and Chalabi Plame Wilson blah blah blah unilateral multinational Halliburton Enronism crony capitalism and it’s all about oiloiloiloil blah blah blah, cowboyish disregard for allies, for the wishes of the world community who rise up against us, the terrorist threat is overblown and anyway, it’s all our fault because we gave Saddam his weapons to begin with, photo of Rummy and Hussein, but make no mistake, he no longer has those weapons because inspections worked, containment worked, and blah blah blah Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Sudan handle it, Roy, handle it handle it, Caspian pipeline oiloiloiloil blah blah blah show me the stockpiles, anthrax CIA plant Richard Clarke said so and we believe him because and unless unless unless Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib, square-jawed cocksucking military jarhead torturing fucks, bring home our troops! We care about the troops! We support the troops and don’t you question our patriotism our love for this fucking filthy crass consumerist bullying country of redneck dolts and biblethumping bourgeois suburbanites with their SUVs and where are the CAFE standards fight the real terror, eco-terror, Israel, the US, imperialist colonialist racist homophobic hegemonic and blah blah blah blah blah because dissent is patriotism and fighting against your country is really fighting for your country and our dissent keeps the nation strong and we’re brave and heroic and up is down and black is white and oiloiloiloiloiloiloiloil blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.â„¢
[note: comment edited for clarity and convenience by site administrator; Cain is now bye bye.]
Talk about an off-topic comment…
You could use the fresh corpse in the HOV lane.
A loophole?
Will somebody please give this troll a Poptart to make it go away.
Cain, can’t you see that the grown-ups are trying to have a discussion about body disposal? Jaysus, where’s your manors?
Uh Cain,
This is the “How to dispose of a fresh corpse” thread.
The “How to blow off steam after getting buttfucked by several less-than-sensitive motorbike enthusiasts” thread is on the sister-site.
No big deal.
I just left Cain a comment at his own blog about disposing of dead homeless folk. May not actually help anything… hell, it may actually hurt things… but it sure did feel good.
Gee, Cain posted the exact same nonsense at Ace of Spades.
I guess he’s just looking for someone to play with.
Cordially…
TW: red, as in Cain is seeing, but I think we’re better dead than.
Some good did come out of it though. Cain’s books are going to make great gag gifts for next year’s office Xmas party and I can get the whole series for 14 bits! Sweet!
Excuse me while I go set fire to my Illinois ARDC Card…
Oh, and consider Prussic Acid.