—– Original Message —–
From:
To:
Sent: Thursday, March 16, 2006 12:50 PM
Subject: protein wisdomHey, could you stop making the rest of us jews look like idiots. Change your last name please.
Well, that’s a thought. But I have a better idea: howsabout you just glue on a bit of the foreskin you snip off the next transient you blow, then try to blend.
Oh. And congrats on the bravery of your anonymous email, my Hebrew brother / sister!
(ps. if I do change my last name? I’m going with “Portnoy.” Just for kicks)
On the plus side, at least no one is throwing oreos at you.
But they could throw foreskins.
Can’t believe I wrote that.
Boy, losing a media monopoly can be a real bitch, huh?
Ironic: He wouldn’t be blowing transients for free.
He’d be doing it for the tips.
Wishbone, how do you think football got started?
Says the man that used a period instead of a question mark.
Footballs are not kosher, Robert.
But Jeff is okay with that as long as the Broncos are involved, I suppose.
Ya know, I was going to register a complaint, but I thought it might make me look bad. But since Parchmint showed me how to speak truth to power…
Jeff, I’m not a handsome man. I have very little going for me, so when a girl actually chooses to talk with me, it’s an exciting time. Recently I was hanging out at a local hipster bar when one such girl approached me and started making conversation. She asked my name and when I said “Hirsch”, she said “Isn’t that Jewish?” I responded with “Well, it’s German, but I am Jewish.”
She threw quite an acidic drink into my glasses-laden face, declaring “You must be related to that Goldstein fellow on the interweb! He wants to federalize my uterus just like Samuel Alito!”
Seriously, could you cool it?
“Portney” is easier to pronounce.
Jeff, the guy makes a strong argument. You need to get your happy ass back in line, right behind Mr. Parchmint. Your Islamist overlords get a little pissy when the line going into the oven is disrupted by “un-jewish” people like you.
BECAUSE OF THE ANTI-JEW IDIOT JEWISHNESS!!!
Perhaps it was a compliment. He could have been saying that you were so smart that, by comparison, all other jews look like idiots.
Damn right, Goldstein! Don’t you know that good Jews are all humorless hacks who vote Green Party and perform abortion on their lesbian partners?
Get with the program!
/goes off to cleanse my palate with a fine Israeli wine
/not really, I drank all my Israeli wine already. It was a good Purim the other day
JEWIST!
So, I’m completely confused by the email. I mean, I have a huge crush on the Jews right now, because of Jeff, not despite him.
As a Jew myself I am always baffeled by the the left leanings of our semetic brothers. Just in case anybody forgot. I am target #1. American Jewish male. Just ask D Pearl.
Funny, you don’t look Jewish!
Geez, what a tool…
SB: herself
Goy, oy, oy…
Hey, as one member of the tribe to another, all I can say is:
ROCK ON!
I think it’s the “Jeff” that’s got the guy pissed. I mean, you’re confusing him with your combination of names here. Perhaps you could change your first name to Isadore, then you could be “Izzy Goldstein”, guaranteed to catch the dames.
If you’re going to change your name, could I suggest going with “Garp”?
Jeff,
Please stop making us left-wing, incoherent, knee-jerk, post-marxist, terrorist-enabling, self-hating Jews look bad.
Oh, and get a haircut that isn’t as stylish too.
There’s alot of times I wish I wasn’t Irish. Do you have any idea how much alcohol it takes to get me drunk. Genetics =xxxxx
*As a Jew myself I am always baffeled by the the left leanings of our semetic brothers.*
Yep, I will NEVER understand that. Do Hollywood Jews think somehow the fallout will part like the Red Sea, b/c of their amazingly progressive natures ?
I think they do.
People just don’t understand what a diverse lot Jews are. This is an American jew. And so is this.
Sure, change your name. To Goldfinkel.
As a show of solidarity from the Scottish/German/Irish, I would like to be hereby known as
Alppu-stien-o
I feel cooler already.
I spelled the “stein” part wrong, didn’t I.
Stupid fuckin’ non-jew.
Pastrami on the outside, sauerkraut on the inside.
Oreos are a lot simpler (and tastier).
Rumor has it Jeff was born one J. Wilson Harrington but changed it to get into “the Biz”.
Al, just claim you’re Lithuanian. They do the ie thing the other way areound.
Jeff, don’t do it, you’ll just have to listen to all those “what’s your complaint” jokes.
And Mastiff, if you remember Purim, how good could it have been?
I’m always thankful that the lefty not-in-my-name crowd and the righty self-hate police can’t tell I’m Jewish just by reading my name.
It’s spared me so much tsuris.
And stop playing with your food!
“People just don’t understand what a diverse lot Jews are. This is an American jew. And so is this.”
Ewww, just ewww. Please don’t tell me one of those pics resembles Jeff, cuz that’s just going to ruin it for me.
I think we have a minyan. I did ot think it possible.
Wait a minute…you’re Jewish?
Oy! The Rebbe (zl”t)! And Daniel Pearl (zl”t)!
Jews rock. In some cases, literally.
I’ve always like the name Yechezqiel.
I’ve always been baffled by Jews with the name of “Steven”/”Steve.” And those with red hair. Was there a secret colony of Jews on the Emerald Isle?
Oh, hell, just change your first name to Hymie, just to see their heads explode.
Shouldn’t “jews” have been “Jews” instead? Just some dumb goy asking here…
I like Jeff “Goldfarb” myself…