“Well, from now on, have your ‘morning sickness’ on your own time and make sure my bagel is properly toasted and spread with cream cheese and chives. And while we’re at it—no shoes while you’re in my kitchen. I have my reputation to consider.
“Oh—and for Chrissakes, put on some makeup, would you? You look pale as a canned pea.”
If you’re sayin’ what I think you’re sayin’, CONGRATULATIONS!
May I use that?
Also, wouldn’t an Evil Reactionary Bush Apologist dine on something, well, Red Statey like biscuits and gravy?
Gawd, I do love your work.
I fell for this before – and Sir Goldstein reminded us it was FICTION.
I think the title should be:
Jeff practices for the day he is tired of living
A comment like this should lead to a swift (although painful) end.
TW: Sometimes I feel like dying…
I don’t ge tthe point of these sudden fictions. Is it that, in addition to being a reactionary Bush apologist, the protagonist is also an asshole. Well, no one ever said the two were mutually exclusive.
Gee, how could that be?
Well, if its even only partly fiction, congratulations. On the – whatever it is that isn’t fiction in this. I think.
Is that you, Izzy?
Ham steak and red-eye gravy. Real man food.
I just flashed on endless seas of little 4’ grey people huddled between thirty story government tenements, enormous bald wooden heads bonking together, muttering, expressionless, shuffling their tiny feet as a cold drizzle falls.
Ham steak? Hah. Try country ham. Can’t make a proper red-eye gravy without it.
Reminds me, I need to go repress my wife before the GOP revokes my Republican card.
That is priceless.
Ham steak? Hah. Try country ham. Can’t make a proper red-eye gravy without it.
Our host is a neo-con, remember? The bagel is entirely appropriate.
The preferred method, coincidentally, is to first impregnate ‘em, then put ‘em in the basement and not let ‘em call the child support division of the DA’s office.
Your mileage may vary but it’s never a dull moment, let me tell ya!
Between that comment and the Irish History one a post or two back, I may not stop laughing all day. Thanks for that!
Has anyone else ever noticed the frequency at which you must explain jokes to a Liberal? Is lacking a sense of humor part of the debilitating genetic condition known as moonus-battis-dementous?
T/W Sarcasm is wasted on you Pinky.
My personal favorite line was Vacuum Cleaners: They’re not just for dogs anymore”, or something like that.
You got that redneck Jew thing really workin’ for ya, Jeff.
Have you trained that boy of your’n to bring you beer yet? Here’s a hint: When they’re still young like that you got to remember to tap the can before you open it up, cause they shake that shit up pretty bad when they crawl with it.
TW: Ya got to know how to get results!
Dude, how’s she gonna earn a paycheck for ya locked up in the basement?
oh… nevermind.
TW:
So come and sit here at my feet,
Cause I like you when you’re sweet,
And you know that it ain’t feminine to fight.
Is this an ideal moment to mention the DAMN PIE!!!!!????
Webcamming.
tw: Products.
Truth: Mrs D offered to get up before me and make breakfast before I left for work. This was the day we returned from our honeymoon – about Dec 29, 1976. I said that wasn’t necessary.
The offer was never repeated.
LOL. Since I started staying home with the kids, I get up every morning to fix her lunch and make her coffee. I don’t mind.
I really wish she wouldn’t say “where’s my hausenfeffer?” when she comes home from work, though. I hate that.
What no one here seems to notice is that his wife has skin like a canned pea.
That’s green, people!
His wife has green skin!
I mean, how cool is that? Shatner is jealous!