Woke this morning to find that one of my irregularly shaped arm moles had completely disappeared—which, had I not been so tired, I would have proclaimed a work of Providence, then spent the rest of day peddling the story of my “Miracle Melanoma” to, say, FOXNews (David Asman absolutely lives for this shit), or maybe Newsmax.
Unfortunately, I decided to roll over and go back to sleep instead, and when I woke up, the horrid thing was back, eating a bowl of maple and brown sugar oatmeal and reading The American Prospect.
Which means that the bastard must have “borrowed” my car and run out to newstand somewhere, because I don’t get The American Prospect, it being one of the worst political magazines that I’ve ever slogged through. And I sure as hell didn’t buy those Matthew Yglesias TAPPED trading cards I found in the dumper while I was brushing my teeth.
So yeah. This thing needs to go. And pronto.
Developing….
Sounds malignant. I mean, reading TAP? The only thing more malignant is Buchanan’s bad fishwrap.
Damn you Crawford for beating me to the “malignant” line!
Seems the only thing that mole has going for it is its choice of breakfast foods. The rest really does have to go…
So not only is it a mole, it’s a left wing mole?
This is not going to enhance your conservative credentials.
Don’t forget, anything under 80 lbs will need a booster seat in the car. I’m guessing that this is an applicable comment. And hoping.
So that’s where Matthew Yglesias trading cards come from.
Dear Sir:
I’m afraid that this agency has no knowledge of or relationship with any such “delphine” persons. Pea-coated or otherwise.
Therefore, your request to “have him whack this damn mole” cannot be fulfilled.
Yours, etc.
Where the hell do you brush your teeth?
The bad news is that armadillos are known carriers of Hansen’s disease, aka leprosy. The good news is that it’s curable, and not just by Jesus.
Are your extremities numb?
As a half-educated first year medical student (about to get really drunk to celebrate the end of four days straight of midterms) I can say this: ABCD. The hallmarks for judging the risk of a mole is
Asymmetry
Irregular Border
Multi-coloration
A Diameter of 5mm> (bigger than the size of a pencil eraser)
If any of these are true please get it looked at by a dermatologist, and they will terminate with extreme prejudice.
The bad news is that armadillos are known carriers of Hansen’s disease, aka leprosy. The good news is that it’s curable, and not just by Jesus.
For some reason, I found this to be quite hilarious. Thanks!
Jeff: Maybe if Bush touched you, you’ll be healed.
Muslihoon – I’m assuming he gets touched by bush every night, but lets not go there…..
– I’m also going to hold out for the idea you ment “sink”, when brushing the ole pearlies. If not I don’t wannaknowaboutit…..
Yeah, I had that happen to one of my irregularly shaped black and crusty moles.
Damned thing just fell OFF.
It was a little embarrassing, calling the doctors’ office and cancelling my appointment “…because well…uh…my melanoma fell off.”
Are you sure this wasn’t a dried piece of brown sugar and maple oatmeal to begin with? These things can happen.
Nah…I shower daily, and this thing was in place for weeks.