Writing in Reason, D.C. free-lancer Howard Mortman provides the following list of actual slogans he saw scribbled on signs at the D.C. “peace” rally.
My translations appear in italics.
All Our Leaders Are Corporate Whores
Down With Capitalism (But Up My Allowance, Mom and Dad)
Cannibis Smokers Are Not Criminals
Except when they are
Che Guevara
Nipsy Russell. Richard Dawson. John Davidson. Damn. I forgot what I was going to say…
Corporate Scum, Here We Cum
No more dough? Off We Go
Damn World Banks For Dams
Screw University of Vermont Hippie Chicks For Free!
Destroy The CIA
Build a really big skateboard park, instead!
Drop Debt Not Bombs
Fiscal Responsibility Is A Four-Letter Word
Drop Sanctions Not Bombs
Nuke Lovers for Saddam!
End Debt Slavery
Money for nothing and our chicks for free!
Eracism
Depeche Modes of Production
Free Palestine/No War on Iraq
Fuck Israel. Then Fuck ’em again!
Fuck Off Bush
I never shoulda’ voted for freakin’ Nader
Fuck Off CIA
I never shoulda’ voted for freakin’ Gore
Fuck You Bush
Damn. I forgot the comma between “You” and “Bush”
Fuck You CIA
CIA is easier to spell than “military industrial complex”
God Please Everyone
Huh?
Greed Costs Lives
But It Saves Money
Hoyas for a Free Palestine
German Shepherds for Additional Fire Hydrants
I.M.F. Cry Cry For Agentina
Okay. Now what?
IMF: International Mother Fucker
IMF: I’M Filthy
I am a refugee from Jaffa Demand Return
I am Irish Demand a Pint
Imagine there’s no Ashcroft, it’s easy if you try
Especially if you’re high on ‘shrooms and Ritalin
Imprison Bush
Outlaw Skirts
Jail For Bush
Bring Back the Chastity Belt
Just Say Fuck Safe Sex
“Fuck Safe Sex.” Oooh. You’re right. That felt good.
Mr. Bush, What If You Are The Axis?
Mr. Protester, I suppose I’d have to change all my business cards
New INS Restrictions are Unjust
Dude. You deported my dealer.
No More Bhopals
*Belch* I’m full, anyway
No To War!
Yes to Totalitarianism!
Nothing For Workers But a Kick in Da Rear
Non-workers for shorter work days
One-Sided Diplomacy
Uh, Five-Sided Building Attacked By Terrorists? Ring a Bell? Hello?
Partners Not Profit
No Checks and Balances
Sharon Defies Our President
We Get to Be Imperialistic Whenever It Suits Our Cause
Sharon = War Criminal
“Peace” Rally = Unapologetic Anti-Semitism
Socialist Part of North Carolina
Go Blue Devils!
Spank the Bank
“The Bank,” eh? I call mine “The Pocket Jeffster”
Stop Aid to Israel
Support “Holocaust 2: Attack of the Blood Libel!”
Stop Bush’s Nuclear Terror
Citizens for Thermobaric Munitions
Stop The Rape
Done
Support the Intifada
Peace Protesters for Escalating Violence
War Is Not Healthy 4 Children And Other Living Things
…Unless they’re on the winning side, that is
We Are All Palestinians
Except that none of us actually are, really. But it sounds cool.
Why War?
Because sometimes it’s the only recourse we have. Asshole.
Jesus Christ, Jeff. You’re my fucking hero.
Jeff, thanks for exposing the protestors. You’re the man.
The “pocket Jeffster??” I think that falls under TMI. (But it cracked me up anyway)
That was lovely.
I must object to the “Go Blue Devils” translation. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, justifies rooting for Duke.
Classic. I especially approve of the Blue Devils comment, Jeff.
I thought of a poster for those fuckin’ poster posting crybabies, “Stop fuckin’!!” The world will be better off without you and your spawn!
That’s the stupidest thing i’ve ever read! Thanks for making my day. It’s like being in junior high again. Osama bin Laden Has Farty Pants!! Bombing people is cool!! I can get lots of Chicks! Bush has a big penis!
Wow, commenting 2 years after the fact, eh? How very brave you are.
Yes, the protesters definitely have the mental makeup of earnest school children.
And don’t pretend you’re thankful for my post, or that it made your day. No one alive could read your comment and NOT know you got your ass kicked at the bus stop and in the cafeteria every day of your junior high school life by kids you still believe—to this DAY—you are superior to. Had only they known how cool you were on the inside, maybe then you would have been invited to the parties, and maybe then Sandee Gitchens wouldn’t have laughed at you when you finally mustered the courage to talk to her in the hallway…
But that never happened. Instead, you went off to become a bitter little friendless message board troller—and you even suck at that! I mean, this post has been up for 2 years! And you come up with “I can get lots of Chicks” (I don’t doubt you DO begrudge those who can, but I’m not sure how that speaks to the protest slogans, or even why “chicks” is capitalized) and “Bush has a big penis!”? I don’t even know what that means. And why isn’t “penis” capitalized? Nevermind. Best leave it for the Freudians.
Here’s the final tally: You’re pathetic, guy. Do yourself a favor and skip the high school reunion. Things haven’t improved for you one bit, and I certainly wouldn’t be surprised if someone still snickers at you or tries to pull your underwear up over your head. You’re just that much of a nerdy-ass loser.
This was a stupid pointless waste of time. You are completely lacking any backbone to stand up to the bullshit you are fed. Honestly I have never laughed so much at the stupidity of one person before.
”Honestly I have never laughed so much at the stupidity of one person before.”
Really? What a sad, humorless, dumb fuck of a life you must’ve led if this is the pinacle of schadenfreude for you, Ryanâ€â€especially considering you decided to highlight MY stupidity and cowardice while responding to a post that was made over 3 years ago.
Christ, what a sad little cocksucker you are.
i think you’re all stupid. intstead of sitting your geek asses in front of a screen all day, get out and change something. the only reason i’m posting so late is because i just found this.
get off your ass, get off your psp, take off your headphones, turn off your cell, forget going to starbucks for one day, and fucking do something.
this country is pathetic. it’s amazing i only go on this stupid evil contraption we call the information super highway once in a great while. every time i do the number of lazy geek ass people that have tons of shit to bitch about but have done absolutely nothing to stop it, triples in size.. good job guys… good job..
Well, it’s presumptuous to assume that no one here has gone out and done anything—a good portion of my readers are vets, and I spent eight years teaching at a university (which reminds me—work on your capitalizing, would you?)
But beyond that, reading your comment, I couldn’t help but think I’d heard this argument before, only put far more elegantly.
Then I remembered:
“Hammer & a Nail” – Indigo Girls
Clearing webs from the hovel
A blistered hand on the handle of a shovel
Ive been digging too deep
I always do
I see my face on the surface
I look a lot like narcissus
A dark abyss of an emptiness
Standing on the edge of a drowning blue
I look behind my ears for the green
And even my sweat smells clean
Glare off the white hurts my eyes
I gotta get out of bed
Get a hammer and a nail
Learn how to use my hands
Not just my head
I think myself in a jail
Now I know a refuge never grows
From a chin in a hand
And a thoughtful pose
Gotta tend the earth
If you want a rose
I had a lot of good intentions
Sit around for fifty years
And then collect a pension
Started seeing the road to hell
And just where it starts
But my life is more than a vision
The sweetest part is acting
After making a decision
Started seeing the whole
As a sum of its parts
And I look behind my ears for the green
And even my sweat smells clean
Glare off the white hurts my eyes
Gotta get out of bed
Get a hammer and a nail
Learn how to use my hands
Not just my head
I think myself in a jail
Now I know a refuge never grows
From a chin in a hand
And a thoughtful pose
Gotta tend the earth
If you want a rose
My life is part of the global life
Id found myself becoming more immobile
When Id think a little girl in the world
Cant do anything
A distant nation my community
And a street person my responsibility
If I have a care in the world
I have a gift to bring
I look behind my ears for the green
Even my sweat smells clean
Glare off the white hurts my eyes
I gotta get out of bed
Get a hammer and a nail
Learn how to use my hands
Not just my head
I think myself in a jail
Now I know a refuge never grows
From a chin in a hand
And a thoughtful pose
Gotta tend the earth
If you want a rose
You GO, girl!
<b>
VERY SORRY
Daniel Turner
Elizabeth Lee
Margaret Martin
Kenneth Phillips
Susan Garcia
Robert Martinez
Deborah Brown
Carol Anderson
Thomas Thomas
Mark Clark
Ronald Jackson
Maria Lopez
William Thomas
Helen Thomas
Margaret Lopez
Kimberly Green
Jennifer Garcia
Mark Phillips
Helen Baker
Mary Parker
Paul Allen
James Jones
Daniel Garcia
VERY SORRY