Sometimes, when I succumb
to laziness (and to the promise
of a comforting, cheek-ringed
respite), I sit down to do my
pee pee.
But —
After, I feel the fillup of guilt and
shame, knowing in my heart that
somewhere, a gimpy man who
wishes to pee proudly upright simply
cannot.
There’s nowhere to sit down in my shower, so I have to do it standing up. Same for my patio.
Does anybody out there know why grass doesn’t seem to want to grow within 4 feet of my patio??
Sitzpinkeler.
Preach it, brother.
Jeff, you’d make a great Baptist preacher if it wasn’t for that whole, you know, Jewish thing.
On the other hand, Mr. Gimpy doesn’t have piss-splatter all around his toilet.
Peeing while standing is for urinals, ideally in places where someone else is paid to clean up after you.
Of course, safety does come into play when a 74 degree upright boner brings on the risk of stumblage due to contorting to avoid dousing the TP dispenser.
Too scientific?
Ode to My Pee Pee (Or Love Without End):
And sometimes when we touch
Oh, the honesty’s too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
Thanks. I feel spiritually elevated already.
And, no, not at a 74 degree angle.
I could get in the 80’s in my teens.
Mother Nature’s dirty trick. Use it or lose it.
Is this one of those “I sang the blues ‘cause I had no shoes/ ‘til I met on the street a man with no feet” parables? Man, I hate those stories.
Damn you insidious Jewish preachers, who won’t even leave me in peace to take a guilt-free whiz.
Notice my nipple
See how it itches
I scratch it in public
No one cares
I love being a Man
Mr. Gimpy: “Aw, jeez! Hey, if you’re gonna piss in a sit-down stall standin’ up, LIFE THE FUCKING LID, you disgusting son of a bitch!”
Mr. Gimpy is also slightly aphasic.
A few years back my GF moved into an apartment where we discovered the words, “Put the seat back down, you filthy DOG” *carved* into the underside of the toilet seat. Apparently Mr. Gimpy was the previous tenant.
Actually, now that I think about it, the carver was probably Mrs. Gimpy.
I think you’re okay with the sitting – it being winter and all. But for those on the downhill side of 40, summertime brings the chance of an iced-tea bag if you’re sporting the “July Ballsack” on a low-flow terlet.
Shit, I use a bed pan.
Isn’t this why God created Depends?
Am I the only one who noticed it doesn’t rhyme?
There could be another reason why one sits. Have you ever read the signs in some Houston bar restrooms? “Short horns – stand close.” I have seen that picture of the “Naked Testicle Spiderman”
I’ve got one of those special seats equipped with plumbing for those who are ultra hygiene oriented and during the winter months the warmth of the seat is a very nice amenity. The habit of sitting is also a tremendous aid to the janitor (me) as well as the air quality.
That said, I walked into the head at the Kingdome during a Seahawk game, and there was an individual at the urinal who might’ve passed for a man, no sign of fear at all, “What’er you lookin’at!?” she hissed as she pissed! I had a lot of things runnin’ through my mind, but kept my mouth shut for fear of a Linda Blair moment. Anythings possible,eh.
Utron,
Shoulda got his shoes, man. He wasn’t using them.
And then there are times
when one is unsure whether
to dump or pass gas.
Gastrointestinal health in a haiku…
then there is just pissing free and everywhere, yes it might be messy, but think of the liberation. I bet you didnt even realize you were bound into that shape any more. cut loose, for once, or, for always.