Many of my Aruban leads drying up—after all, there are only so many shallow marshes and muddy gullies on an Island the size of your average Super Target—I spent the morning recording international news coverage of Fatah protests in the Palestinian territories, moving frame by frame through edited video (my requests to CNN, SKY, FOXNews, and Al-Jazeera for access to their raw footage has thus far gone unanswered) looking for the missing Alabama teen, whom one of my sources (an hispanic teen wise beyond his years who loiters near the pay phone at the 7-11 on Alameda and Alcott), suggested to me may have joined the anti-Hamas contingent of the Palestinian political struggle.  Consequently, there was an outside chance I could find her among the throngs of irate protesters gathered outside of the Abbas residence in Gaza.*

Unfortunately, what with all the burkas and headgear, any concrete identification was impossible—though for what its worth, I’m pretty sure I saw at least two blondes—along with Alec Baldwin and Tim Robbins passing out falafels around a burning trashcan while the Indigo girls, dressed inappropriately, it turns out, in western garb, made it most of the way through an accoustic version of “Land of Canaan” before Emily was felled by a well-flung chunk of cinder that tore open the left side of her skull.

Developing….