—I realize that. But for those of you who haven’t been watching The Weather Channel, Denver is right now buried beneath a half-foot of snow, which makes getting around difficult without a 4WD vehicle and some off-roading skills.
And so the little bastard and I have reached an impasse. Because he refuses to dance without his acrylic-heeled glitter shoes (which he’s having re-soled to reinforce the toe grip); and there’s not a chance in hell that I’m letting him borrow my Jeep to go pick them up from his crazy cobbler friend, whom the last I saw of him he was naked and chasing an unhappy customer around his shop, threatening to brain the “soulless Yuppie loaferhumper” with a half-empty bottle of Elderberry wine.
And besides, armadillos are lousy at driving stick, and I’m too stoned to figure out how to disable the starter alarm in any event.
*****
update: Oh, and by the way…
Dude, wipe your glasses, the rest of us in town have like 1 inch of snow.
And tell the armadillo that he better bring back my snow chains – I don’t care what his story for borrowing them was.
Buried?! Under a HALF FOOT? Shhya. Try four feet.
You don’t understand JWebb, Denver gets snow every freakin’ year … and yet, the natives figure that once it hits 1.5 inches they have to fire up the Grand Wagoneer.
You tell that lazy, drunken, pot headed land crustacean road lobster to put HIS FUCKIN’ SNOW BOOTS on and dance his misshapen ass over to that cobbler NOW!!
By God it’s Friday and on Friday THE ‘DILLO DANCES!!! Who the fuck does he think he is – Anderson Cooper or Shep Smith. He’s a FUCKING NOBODY!!! HE DANCES!!!
Oh, and while he’s out, have him bring my burger over.
We live on a mountaintop, where the unicorns frolick and, believe it or not, where I’m pretty sure Hunter Thompson’s ashes landed.
But where the ‘dillo apparantly does NOT DANCE.
Shit. Touche, Jeff.
I keep telling Jeff that those were not unicorns…
I hope you didn’t inhale.
Oh, just skin the critter and his family, rivet the shells together, and take your young’un out sledding. Since it’s snowing and everything…
How do you qualify as “Jewish Humor,” anyway? It’s not like you’re doing Jackie Mason schtick, or anything. Which reminds me…..
A Jewish grandmother was at the beach with her toddler grandson. She had him on the blanket, covered, and with a floppy hat to protect him from the sun. Suddenly, a huge wave came crashing in, and swept the toddler out to sea.
The grandmother looked up at the sky and yelled,”God in heaven, how could you do this?? What have we done to deserve this?? If you bring him back, I swear I will go to temple every day of the week for the rest of my life! I’ll volunteer at B’nai B’rith. I’ll devote my life to you!”
As if by a miracle, another wave crashed, and swept the baby right back onto the blanket.
The grandmother looked up and said, “What, you couldn’t bring back the hat?”
Shoes or no, ask him how he managed to fork this one up and I bet he starts dancing! This was his to lose! And where were you?
http://www.fema.gov/kids/
oh! so now he’s gonna claim his mother was a hamster and his father smelled of elderberries.
maybe he just needs his tank topped off?
Everyone in Denver is on top of a mountaintop. That’s where the entire city is located. So, come January, you just have to expect this.
Meanwhile, just a little ways to the west, Las Vegas had lovely weather. I went out and did some work in the yard.
That little rat bastard has not danced in so long he’s forgotten how to do it.
If that sole needs repairing it isn’t from dancing wear, but rather from some pathetic, frothy shoe spooning, which, come to think of it, should give you even more incentive to buy his next pair of tappers made with anything other than armadillo leather.
So, is there going to be a grudge match between the A and B sides? You know, one of those no-holds-barred eye gouging fights held in a cage. Cause if so, you can fling that lowdown nondancing dillo piece of shit in and stay at home and watch old DVDs or something.
TW “middle” nope, no middle ground for a dillo, let the little bastard fight!
Ah-ha! So you’re in Denver, are you?
Just you wait.
It’s been bitterly cold in L.A. these past few days. I’ve had to button the suede shirt I use as a jacket, and put on a hat and scarf.
But . . . what’s this “snow”? Is that the stuff they make in ski resorts?
Let’s see, 46% of 1407… 647.22?
Ok, WHERE’S THE MIDGET?
Yeah. It didn’t even break 60 degrees today in Tucson. Freakin’ cold, I tells ya!
Oh, is this the weather thread?
Snowing in Tokyo, for the first time this year. Or at least the first time I noticed. There are big beautiful puffy balls of snowflakes drifting through the sky.
When the dillo gets his dancin’ shoes fixed, tell him to stop by. I live near a fabulous disco.
Congrats, Jeff! If that doesn’t get the ungrateful critter you call friend dancing, nothing will.
Unless John Elway offers to come over and play catch with the little guy at halftime.
GO STEELERS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone in Denver is on top of a mountaintop. That’s where the entire city is located. So, come January, you just have to expect this.
Actually, Denver is located on high plains, not mountains – the foothills start several miles to the West and the mountains proper several miles beyond that. While many think of Denver as a cold place, winters are generally pretty mild and summers are rather dry and hot.
Las Vegas is some 2000 feet above sea level; Denver is 5280; and that famous winter-city ski-festival town of Santa Fe is almost 6700.
Uh, you know, if anyone, um, cared.
That’s all.
Did you guys know that the San Luis Valley is the Tibet of the West?
Got your ‘dillo right here Jeff…
http://troppoarmadillo.ubersportingpundit.com/