Jesus, scotch, that’s a hell of a thought tot wake up to. Still working out the ful body shakes from the image. However, it worked. Shrank like a candle in a blast furnace, it did.
Sometimes, when I’m wading through the thick verbiage of one of his legal or academic rants (entertaining as they are), I worry that Jeff’s turning into Den Beste’s wacky nephew.
Then the recreational drug use and masturbation assert themselves, and I’m relieved that all’s well with the world.
So two of the side effects of klonopin, I take it, are painfully throbbing erections and a compulsion to tell the whole damn world about said state of affairs. Am I getting nostalgic for the more suggestive days when you were cutting plate glass with your nipples?
But an incredibly good natural remedy for clogged bowels that’s just guaranteed to shift that log – and with only half the calories of Immodium, they’re healthy too!!
“See, even that wouldn’t work for the Mormons. It’s a sin to take care of business. Or even have an erecti0n.”
Ha. Ha. Very funny.
Strange how having children – an oft-repeated commandment and tendency among Latter-day Saints – must occur without erections, which is what must happen for why would the Church advocate sin?
For the record, masturbation is a sin according to Islam and the Roman Catholic Church as well. And among ultra-Orthodox Jews (haredim).
I don’t recall any current RC teachings to the effect that masturbation is any kind of a sin. I mean, I know a lot of cradle Catholics grew up believing that to be the case, but isn’t it rather an out-of-date viewpoint now?
Not just hareidim, Muslihoon. Though in all honesty, observance of this particular prohibition among many Orthodox adolescents is a trifle… uneven.
TW: “rest,” as in “gives Day of Rest a whole new meaning.”
I don’t recall any current RC teachings to the effect that masturbation is any kind of a sin.
They may be confusing mas— er, I mean self-abuse—with “the sin of Onan,” which isn’t mas— er, I mean self-abuse.
The sin, apparently, is using a woman for sexual gratification without giving her the chance to spend the next nine months carrying around your demon spawn, and the next eighteen years after that, picking up after it.
Hurts, doesn’t it?
Pervert.
Pseudorandom algorithmic endorsement quote on this page:
“I do not know this man.”—Jim Treacher
BECAUSE OF THE VULGAR TRENCHANCY!
…
tw: college
They sell words there.
Dude, layoff the cherry Nyquil.
Two words: Cold shower.
Three words:
Naked Nancy Pelosi.
Jesus, scotch, that’s a hell of a thought tot wake up to. Still working out the ful body shakes from the image. However, it worked. Shrank like a candle in a blast furnace, it did.
Three more words:
Naked Helen Thomas
Sometimes, when I’m wading through the thick verbiage of one of his legal or academic rants (entertaining as they are), I worry that Jeff’s turning into Den Beste’s wacky nephew.
Then the recreational drug use and masturbation assert themselves, and I’m relieved that all’s well with the world.
So two of the side effects of klonopin, I take it, are painfully throbbing erections and a compulsion to tell the whole damn world about said state of affairs. Am I getting nostalgic for the more suggestive days when you were cutting plate glass with your nipples?
T/W: “probably.”
Never touch yourself while eating Cheetos.
Or habanero salsa, either, though for a slightly different reason.
Bill’s got you covered.
So, Jeff now has a new theme song:
I love myself
I want you to love me
When I’m feelin’ down
I want you above me
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me
Chorus:
I don’t want anybody else
When I think about you
I touch myself
I don’t want anybody else
Oh no, oh no, oh no
You’re the one who makes me happy honey
You’re the sun who makes me shine
When you’re around I’m always laughing
I want to make you mine
I close my eyes
And see you before me
Think I would die
If you were to ignore me
A fool could see
Just how much I adore you
I get down on my knees
I’d do anything for you
Chorus
I love myself
I want you to love me
When I’m feelin’ down
I want you above me
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me
Chorus
I want you
I don’t want anybody else
And when I think about you
I touch myself
Ooh, oooh, oooooh, aaaaaah
Chorus
Three more words if you please:
Naked Madeline Albright
Sorry, had to go there….
Wait: that was about mas—
uh, I mean self-abuse?
The Lapsed Prune’s Haiku:
Wrinkled like a walnut
Disgusting to behold
But an incredibly good natural remedy for clogged bowels that’s just guaranteed to shift that log – and with only half the calories of Immodium, they’re healthy too!!
Or liqourice is also good, I believe…
Sounds to me like you just need to do a little fast-latherin’ the next time you take a shower.
The three words that will haunt you for the rest of your life: Naked Michael Moore.
Drink some more tea, Jeff
You don’t want to be known as
a dirty, dirty whore.
SB: like
totally
So, is it tough to blog with hair on your palms?
SOLUTION
Johnson’s Baby Oil.
Apply slickum to hangdown.
Stroke until you launch.
The irresistible force and the unbreakable object collide…
Thoughts of Helen or
Madeline have no effect.
Here comes the STIFFY!
See, even that wouldn’t work for the Mormons. It’s a sin to take care of business. Or even have an erecti0n.
“See, even that wouldn’t work for the Mormons. It’s a sin to take care of business. Or even have an erecti0n.”
Ha. Ha. Very funny.
Strange how having children – an oft-repeated commandment and tendency among Latter-day Saints – must occur without erections, which is what must happen for why would the Church advocate sin?
For the record, masturbation is a sin according to Islam and the Roman Catholic Church as well. And among ultra-Orthodox Jews (haredim).
I don’t recall any current RC teachings to the effect that masturbation is any kind of a sin. I mean, I know a lot of cradle Catholics grew up believing that to be the case, but isn’t it rather an out-of-date viewpoint now?
Not just hareidim, Muslihoon. Though in all honesty, observance of this particular prohibition among many Orthodox adolescents is a trifle… uneven.
TW: “rest,” as in “gives Day of Rest a whole new meaning.”
They may be confusing mas—
er, I mean self-abuse—with “the sin of Onan,” which isn’t mas—
er, I mean self-abuse.
The sin, apparently, is using a woman for sexual gratification without giving her the chance to spend the next nine months carrying around your demon spawn, and the next eighteen years after that, picking up after it.
TW: “judgmental,” as in “not that I’m being…”