me: “Jesus. Do you have any idea what time it is, man? I thought you were supposed to help me sleep and whatnot?â€Â
Klonopin: “Dude, you are asleep. Have been for hours. And for the record? Calling your pillow ‘Elle MacPherson’ and screaming for her to ‘take it all, like a high-priced divorce attorney,’ while you hump the thing like a crazed Border Collie is not only not sexy— but I’m not even sure it makes sense, benzodiazepine or no benzodiazepine…”
Jeff,
Sorry this is off subject, but I thought your readers would want to know:
We think Roberta died in an air accident in NYC earlier today.
What can I say? I’m devastated…
Regards,
Bob (Roberta’s brother)
If you get just the right amount of Vaseline in just the right part of your pillowcase, you can turn it into Elle or any other fine-ass ho you want it to be. Don’t ask me how I know.
Jeff,
You must be as old as I used to be. Unfortunately, I am old enough to see that even Elle McPherson has a train of baggage carts hooked to her butt. As a general rule, the nicer butt, the longer the cart train. Sorry, but it seems to be a universal law (with only a very few exceptions)..
Well, there is the pocket change from NOT having to shell out for Viagra.
Probably get ya a slice of Key Lime pie at Perkins, and coffee.
Don’t spoil a perfectly good dream for him, Lost Dog!
Jeff, mmmmmm…Elle MacPherson.
Here’s Cindy Crawford in case Elle’s been spoiled for you. By the way, does eveyone know CNNSI has the Swimsuit Issue online.
I’ve long had a crush on Elle. Not work safe—though God and even Pat Robertson must certainly approve of such terrestrial perfection.
“That’s not a pillow.”
They put me on a similar drug a long time ago, and I knew my dosage was way too high when the walls were smiling at me. I didn’t see any mouths on the walls, but they were exuding a definite aura of goodwill toward me.
Craig! Planes, Trains, and Automobiles! I see that every Thanksgiving weekend.
Jeff: I’m sure your wife found this sleep-talking/sleep-whatever thing very disturbing. Maybe you should move to the couch for the duration.
Everyone: as usual, I vote to ban Robert/Roberta. But I’m infamously harsh that way.
That’s no way to speak of the dead, Attila Girl. Weren’t you taught any manners? Maybe you should listen to a bit more sweet soul music instaed of all that death metal shit??