—I know, I know. But here’s the deal: it turns out a 16 lb armadillo placed on a 2mg/day regimen of Klonopin is far less interested in dancing than he is in spooning an animatronic Elmo doll for hours at a spell, the hope being that he can create just enough friction under his shell to get that armadillo funny feel, then fall peacefully asleep in a warm pocket of synthetic red fur and his own expelled agitation.
Or, at the very least, he gets a nice power nap. So, y’know, everybody wins.
Klonopin? Man, all I ever get for my colds is pseudefed and ginger tea.
Uh, i hope this means that Satch won’t be allowed near that Elmo doll. Ever again.
So, y’know, everybody wins.
NO! The only way everybody wins is if the ‘dillo dances. Wake that little puke fuck up and get his feet moving. He can sleep when he dies.
tw: move Is that land crustacean ever gonna move?
You know, Jeff, even if you do somehow manage to get the little bastard to dance, Nancy Pelosi and Howard Dean will never believe you, which of course means you have been defeated.
Reality-based and all that.
Elmo doesn’t win.
Poor little guy now has a seizure disorder, eh? Or perhaps an anxiety disorder? No wonder he doesn’t like an audience.
You should read him a chapter from a book i just got. Nanotribology is “the science of rubbing”.
As a good parent, Jeff, you could make this a teaching opportunity.
“You see, Satchel, when two people love each other….or in this case, when an Armadillo loves your Elmo doll…”
“…he can create just enough friction under his shell to get that armadillo funny feel…”
Which is kinda like dancing, in a way.
If your idea of dancing is the Horizontal Bop.
Poor little fella. Reduced to “consoling” a fictitious animatronic children’s character.
If, indeed, he is doing so. I myself still favor the “Jeff shot his scaly, bunny-humping ass and just won’t admit it” theory.
It’s the Romantic in me.
Heh… you just got Tom Cruise all over your ass. I mean, there is no way that the chemicals in the brain could be so unbalanced that it couldn’t be treated with some newfangled bullshit. Particularly if you spend a lot of money on their courses.
That’s certainly my favorite.
These armadillo posts have a confessional tone to them, don’t you think?
Um, since when does Tickle-Me Elmo’s repertoire include uncontrollable crying for no apparent reason?