Me: “If Tucker were a tree, what kind of tree would he be…?”
Tucker Carlson’s bowtie: “Who cares? If Tucker were a tree, that’d free me to be off helping some half-drunk teen in a rented tux score a handjob at a Prom after party. But I don’t have that kind of luck, now do I?”
A larch.
In a job interview for a major consulting firm, a buddy of mine was once asked, “If you were a kitchen appliance, what kitchen appliance would you be?”
He had already decided he didn’t particularly want the job, and he had essentially thrown in the towel on the interview. Simply going through the motions, he answered, “A cuisinart.” When asked why, he replied, “Because I like to cut things up.”
If he was a halfway decent bowtie he’d at least get the kid a blowjob. Criminy, a handjob? I can do that myself.
No doubt. This is nearly 2006. A real bowtie would get the kid a Rainbow Party or some other type of blowjob orgy.
Delusions of grandeur! Any teenager uncool enough to wear that bowtie would get nothing, nada, zip!
With the help of some California Coolers, no doubt.
LOL!
My first brief conversation with Ann Althouse’s new 21” flat screen monitor
Me: “So, what d’you think of the new PJM ads everyone is running?”
Monitor: “The colorful backgrounds tickle a bit.”
Me: “And the fact that Jeff’s MSM quote is featured heavily on the rotation…?”
Monitor: “…Have caused Ann to spit on me several times already. Yes.”
Ya know I was going to post a pseudo-cloudy comment here, under the moniker “murky”, but then I realized I neither had the energy nor the interest in cooking up the word stew necessary.
Anyone know where I can find a Markov chain program?
A Scotts Pine.
A holiday tree.
A flatulent elm.