—You may as well stop right there, guys, because it ain’t gonna happen. Though for you trivia buffs, here’s something you might find interesting: it takes a 6 kg adult Dasypus novemcinctus sick on spiced rum and half a pack of clove cigarettes a little under 11 minutes to sink completely to the bottom of a 2-gallon punch bowl filled with 4 bottles of Mr Boston’s Creamy Eggnog.
Logistical note: complete submersion probably would’ve happened a bit faster had the little guy not had the foresight to slip on a pair of mini-water wings. Of course, it probably wouldn’t have happened at all had the drunk bastard remembered to blow the stupid things up. So be sure to factor these variables into your analysis.
Athough technically, maybe he is dancing, but I can’t see him because of all the egg nog.
Could happen.
He’s swimming in the eggnog? Now I’m nauseous.
When you gonna teach that lush how to handle his liquor? Nothing pisses me off more than a drunken, semi-floating marsupial ruining what would otherwise be a perfectly good nog.
And, if he does wake up, keep him out of the damn spinach dip.
Off to have dinner with visiting PW commenter RS and friends.
Enjoy your evening. And if the armadillo wakes up and snorkels his way out of the bowl, somebody watch to make sure my dog doesn’t mistake him for a pudding pop.
That could get ugly.
Oh great,
Jeff’s off to see and be seen with his big shot buddies and leaves us here to help the little lush ride the porcelain coach.
And we know from experience if we screw up there will be hell to pay. The dirty work of the “kiss-up posse” is never done!
Why, that’s almost fondue!
Man, your house is going to be sooo trashed when you get home.
Update:
Jeff arrived at the party and discovered that the hostess had also invited fellow professor Ward Churchill. The two of them are currently arm in arm, singing Mississippi Mud in loud (and off-key) voices between sips (well, glugs is more like it) of a remarkably potent Bolivian red wine. At the moment, the host is at McGuckin’s Hardware debating whether an eighteen-inch crowbar will be sufficient, or if he should go whole hog and pick up the forty-pound stonebreaker bar.
The armadillo managed to get a claw over the rim of the punchbowl and flop out onto the table. He and the dog are currently doing a fair imitation of an Astaire-Rogers piece, using Jeff’s desk as one of the storefronts. It’s really quite graceful, especially when the armadillo twirls and throws off sheets of still-liquid eggnog, recalling the flowing skirts Ginger used to wear.
thump
That was the sound of the dog intersecting the sharp corner of the kitchen island as he attempted a particularly flamboyat jete. The armadillo surveys the scene, licks a glob of eggnog off an overstuffed chair, and wanders dejectedly off, clutching Jeff’s last bottle of Talisker. There is peace in the household.
Developing….
You know, I’m beginning to think that this armadillo doesn’t really exist…
TW: Oh, well, maybe in the spring
lwood—I’ma fondue you, too…
That’s faster than I thought he would sink, Jeff. Was he breathing at the time?
Merry Christmas, one and all.
Hey Jeff,
I just read an entry you wrote several days ago about the Germans releasing some guy who killed a US citizen. Which you followed with the witty comment “Still pissed about Normandy, I see…”
Why on earth would Germans be pissed about Normandy???
a) Do you really think modern day Germans wish that Hitler’s third reich had triumphed?
b) Are you one of those people who thinks that D-Day was important for the freeing of Europe from Hitler? (If so, here’s some breaking news for you: D-Day was important historically for securing Western Europe from *Stalin*, who would have crushed the Wehrmacht quite happily without the opening of a second front, and progressed beyond had he been able to do so.)
Or perhaps it was just an hilarious joke. (Ha ha, those crazy Euros, we sure showed them, those guys would all be speaking German if it wasn’t for us etc.)
Panties in a twist, JB?
The whole Stalin thing? Get real. If it wasn’t for D-Day, where the hell do you think all of Hitler’s forces would have been? Not rushing for Normandy, that’s for damned sure.
Laugh a little. It will make the holidays all that more cheerful.
And have a taste of the eggnog. I have been told it’s great.
“If it wasn’t for D-Day, where the hell do you think all of Hitler’s forces would have been? Not rushing for Normandy, that’s for damned sure.”
They weren’t rushing for Normandy. Most of them were still engaged on the eastern front, where Army Group Centre was about to be smashed by the Soviets’ Operation Bagration. The Wehrmacht had been on the backfoot since Stalingrad, had one last chance to regain the initiative in the form of Operation Zitadelle (Kursk) and blew it, and had no realistic chance of defeating the Red Army by early 1944. The game was lost; it was just a matter of time.
Did you not know that? Here’s a link for you to brush up on some history:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Bagration
Regards,
JB
Another link for you. Admittedly it’s from a left-wing prof and published in a left-wing British paper, but I don’t think he’s lying about the statistics (even if he’s probably speculating about our ignorance…he’s probably right, though):
http://www.guardian.co.uk/secondworldwar/story/0,14058,1236290,00.html
Choice quote from that article:
“This “great military earthquake”, as the historian John Erickson called it, finally stopped in the suburbs of Warsaw as Hitler rushed elite reserves from western Europe to stem the Red tide in the east. As a result, American and British troops fighting in Normandy would not have to face the best-equipped Panzer divisions.”
Not quite “rushing for Normandy”, then…
See ya,
JB
Knock it off, guys. It’s Christmas Eve Eve, and we’re in the presence of a dancing armadillo (well, theoretically and virtually).
You got to let it go for a few days. We can fight about military history and politics after the New Year.
Well, agreed. But. D-Day forced Hitler to have to move on two fronts. Stalin did not have a want to invade all of Europe. He wanted to get back what was his, plus a little more.
In retrospect, he would have pushed Germany until Hitler backed off, and that is it. Stalin was pushing for help from the Allies at the gates of Warsaw, and the Allies did not send it.
Yes, Stalin would have cleaned out his bit of Eastern Europe D-Day or not. But he would not have pushed further. Again, going into speculation, if the Wehrmacht had not been thrown into almost chaos following D-Day, they would have had the chance to cement defensive lines, and the fight for the invaders would have been MUCH tougher.
But then again, it is all speculation, isn’t it?
(I wish I had sites or references for you, but this is all from texts that are packed away in my basement. So, apologies.)
By the by, good maps. I am always a sucker for a good war map.
I say we go Cheney on the little fellow.
I heard that Armadillo was good with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
Well, I respect your opinion, even if many sources I’ve read lead me to disagree with it.
I’m off for a few weeks. No more cathode ray tubes burning my retina. Have a fun Christmas, one and all.
JB
Happy Holidays as well.
I have nothing but cathode rays, unfortunately. Thus is the plight of being RETAIL at this festive time.
Sorry, Attila Girl, but…it’s Military History! GUNS! A weakness.
Goodnight, moon.
“We can fight about military history and politics after the New Year. “
….ahh, the true spirit of Christmas! To roughly quote Tom Lehrer on National Brotherhood week – “thank God it only comes once a year….”
Atta boy ‘tilla Girl!
Tidings of Comfort and Joy to one and all,
A.B.
Merry Christmas to everyone – even that drunken, non-dancing ‘dillo.
Jeff, you made me giggle.
Giggle, I tell you.
I’d love to see Matt giggle.
Ooh, if we can discuss Normandy, then I can point out that armadillos are edentates, not marsupials.
(“edentate” means not having teeth, whereas armadillos have plenty of teeth. Long story, but I’m not quite drunk enough to go there.)
Sheesh, maor, you really know how to kill a thread.