Sonicare i8500: “So. You ready…?”
Me: “I think so. But be gentle, okay? This is my first time.”
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Take it all, baby!
Well, my first experience left me pretty bloody… just sayin’
Turing word: “used” as in the Sonicare “used” me and never called back.
I’m glad to see that you’ve moved on after what happened with the rimless glasses.
It goes in the mouth, Jeff.
Coulda been worse – you could’ve gotten a Remington circular-blade nose/ear hair trimmer. My eyes are still watering. . .
See that setting marked “sandpaper”? The one just to left of “gargling with broken glass”? You might want to avoid that side of the dial…
Did you get ALL of the attachments?
Remember to wear protection, Jeff.
These one night stands can get messy if things go awry.
And yes, it can happen the first time.
SMG
It recalls the Dylan song, “Two Minutes is a Long Time.”
At least I think that’s what he said. Might’ve been “Tomorrow is a Long Time.” But then he had a fucking toothbrush in his mouth.
But here’s what I heard:
“If today, was not a crooked molar,
If tonight, was not a molded crown,
If two minutes, wasn’t such a long time,
Then flossing would mean nothing at all.
But to know, that my i8500 was waiting,
If I could only hear its motor softly humming,
Yes to know, that it was cleaning eye teeth,
Then I’d lie, in my bed, with a huge caries slowly eating away at my lower left canine.”
My transcription. With Dylan, all puncuation’s naturally omitted.
Wow. To bad there wasn’t a freshest breath category in the 2005 Weblog awards this year, ‘cuz you’d have gotten 1st easily.
Just think of it as a bidet for your mouth.
Love,
Mom
There’s a swallowing joke here somewhere, but damned if I can find it.
It hurts a little at first, but after that you can’t imagine going without it.
Try the Dremel attachments for that ol’ Marathon Man feeling of—[licks teeth]—cuh-lean!
XMas? XMAS!?!!
WHY DO YOU HATE THE BABY JESUS, JEFF?
WHY ARE YOU DECLARING WAR ON CHRISTMAS?
Psss, Slublog.
I think he’s Jewish.
It’s okay.
Yup. I knew it.
Neocon zionists are at the front line of the war on Christmas, you know.
Just to clarify, I am kidding.
But I still think Jeff regularly makes the Baby Jesus cry.
And the molar of the story is….?
Good move Jeff. Those rimless glasses will be back on its hands and knees.
Jeff. Do you swallow, or spit?
As a dentist I need to know.
Shit, what did I miss? Did the rimless glasses leave him??
Do I have to make it a rule to NEVER miss a day of Jeff?
Speaking of Marathon Man–a film that made me miss start brushing four times a day–Is it safe?
Wait, I thought the glasses were a plural entity. On the other hand, though, I don’t recall the glasses having two voices, or any note about them speaking in unison. Actually, now that I think about, they/it never mentioned having hands and knees either. Jeff, I’m beggining to think you made the whole thing up.
Also, Jeff, I beseech you to immediately discard that toothbrush–and yes, that’s really all it is. It’s just slick marketing and higher prices for stupid bells and whistles that make no difference. As proof, here’s a transcript from my conversation with a Schick Quattro Power at Target:
Me: So, why do you have batteries?
SQP: The Power of 4â„¢ is a physical and mental state in which an individual experiences a sudden, unexpected spike in levels of attention, believability and getting-away-with-things-ness.
Me: Huh? Is geeting-away-with-things-ness even a proper word?
Target Security: Sir, is there a problem?
From now on I’m using a bowie knife to shave.
I’m so old school that I still cannot accept the idea of putting cylindrical, battery-operated vibrating devices in. my. mouth!
But don’t blame me; I was born that way…
Turing = thing
I don’t need no new fangled, battery operated contraption to brush my teeth. I do it the old fashioned way. I hired a midget with epilepsy to stand on my counter and hold my toothbrush for me.
Verification word: hand
That’s not funny. My first wife was an epileptic midget with no teeth.
Just out of curiosity eDog, did she have a nice little flat spot on the top of her head also?
You know her.
Well the memory is kind of fuzzy. But as I remember it……….. we started out with shots of tequila in San Diego and woke up in Tijuana. Some place in there was a midget that felt pretty damn good when she started to shake, so I’m assuming she had no teeth and I’m guessing about the flat spot, but I could swear we were doing jello shots from a hairy little table.