me: “So. You maybe wanna cuddle together on the couch tomorrow and watch some football? Me and you, some wine, some cheese, a summer sausage…”
new rimless glasses: “Actually? I kinda already have plans. But how ‘bout I call you later this week?”
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Recent Comments
- In The Mailbox: 02.28.23 (Afternoon Edition) : The Other McCain on Hey, longtime pw readers…
- In The Mailbox: 12.23.22 : The Other McCain on Patrick J. Carroll truly IS a sad, embittered psychopath
- Danger on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
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- In The Mailbox: 07.18.22 : The Other McCain on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
DOOOOOM!!!!
Someday I’ll be able to say that I remember where I was when I first heard Jeff and his new glasses started having problems.
… TW: Started. O_o
Aahhh Jeff, don’t worry. The rest of us are here for you . . .
I don’t recall if anyone has yet asked that most delicate of questions.
Are the glasses bifocals ?
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
SEE: hardly a coincidence, I say.
Those ear stems will be a quivering in anticipation of the call…
Have I just spent the last few weeks tracking the rise and fall of Jeff’s relationship with his rimless glasses?
God bless the internet.
I bet they’re fuckin’ the ‘dillo. Just sayin’.
Jeff, it saddens me to see you become your own specs’ bitch. Truly. At least the Sea-Monkey King, we might have understood. Or Regis on the DL. But this? Are they that good?
You’re not trying to push that Ferenghi-Judaic association, are you? Gay porn ear of lies!
BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT THEY ONLY WEIGH HALF AS MUCH AS THE OLD ONES?
ooooh, you better get some contacts, pronto!
ooooh, you better get some contacts, pronto!
Yes, because you’re all alone now, and self-abuse harms your eyesight.
Let yourself be seen wearing a pair of big, clunky Buddy Holly glasses, Jeff. That’ll show ‘em.
Ya know, when they reject you WHILE they’re sitting on your face, that’s just sad.
Isn’t this how Bennifer broke up?
I tol’ joo, man! Din’ I tell joo?
Now joo got da eye-clap man and joo glasses gonn off wid some better-lookin’ more famouser non-Jew-style person, man!
I tol’ joo. But joo no lissen.
Go see a doctor, man. That shit can spread.
Ar you trying hard enough? Do you try to make it good for the glasses? We already know what they do for you. They are no doubt the Venus Butterfly of spectacles.
Are your ear stalks <shudder> always clean and smelling lightly of cinnabar and musk, vanilla, tobacco and myrrh? (I don’t know if yours are Egoiste frames or Royall Lyme frames, but hopefully you do.) Are your stalks tanned, toned, supple and…pliant? Or are they all chapped out from those dinosaurs you’d been wearing?
Maybe you can explain to the rimless glasses that you’re not used to their light touch, that it takes time, that you really want it, that you’ll try harder. Of course, they’ve heard it all before. I don’t think the glasses are interested in your personal problems; they want what they want and you can give it to them or not.
…Oh, and…summer sausage? You are from flyover country, aren’t you? These are coastal glasses, NY glasses, LA glasses. They don’t placate, and they don’t do Hillshire Farms. You need to offer a hard salami from Katz’s on Houston and Ludlow if you want respect. (Just because they originally were intended to “send a salami to your boy in the Army” doesn’t mean the counterman will call you a beefhawk.)
This is all just envy, my Rx is evidently too high for rimless…but the grass isn’t always greener, eh?
BECAUSE OF THE NEGLECTED SILLICONE-IMPREGNATED POLISHING CLOTH, INCLUDED WITH YOUR PURCHASE, THAT IS SITTING IN ITS PLASTIC ENVELOPE WHILE YOU “CLEAN” THESE POOR PINCE-NEZ WITH YOUR POLY/COTTON SHIRTTAIL! AVENGE!
TW: That’s what you’ve gotta remember, the glasses are what it’s all about, not you. (Or has it already gotten to “It’s not you, it’s me?)
Speaking of acceptable walks on the wild side, I think we would also understand if you or some member <uhhuh, huhuh> of your household were to be accidentally or otherwise subjected to the love-ministrations of Dick Cheney. This could even buy you more votes and catch up with the with-a-bullet Day by Day (red hot, Muir!) on your poll of shame.
TW: Hey, maybe we’ve just figured out who your specs are catting with.