- Sam Goody’s
- Bring It On!
- (Tie) 10 Things I Hate About You! / parking lot of the “American Idol” auditions, Colorado Convention Center, Denver CO
- Sister Lipsky’s 10th grade gym class (Ramona Convent Secondary School, Alhambra CA)
- The Limited Express
- Row 4, seat 19, Back Street Boys 2005 World Tour (Reliant Arena, Houston, TX)
- Mary-Kate and Ashley, two cases of Heineken, and a 2006 Winnebago Vectra (with waterbed)
- Crossroads (2002)
- (Tie) Beach Blanket Bingo / Pizza Hut (Friday night, 8-11 PM) / Aruba
****
Context here. Full disclosure: I sometimes like to hang out at Limited Express myself. But only because I appreciate a nice throwback silk-screened tee.
****
update: Allah provides the visuals, Nabokov and I the words:
“Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.
“…Poetic, eh? And if that don’t sell ya, I’m really good at math—which means that for a few strokes of the angry purple Churchill you’ll never have to fuss with that stupid algebra nonsense again!”
Ew.
But in this context, aren’t Mary-Kate and Ashley like past it?
I sometimes get the feeling that the Derb, like a lot of highly intelligent nerds, lacks that little switch that most of us have that lights up the big, flashing “STOP TALKING/TYPING RIGHT NOW, DUMBASS!!!” sign in our minds.
I couldn’t believe he said that, honestly. As I said yesterday, at 15 I was barely half a head of lettuce, let alone in my salad days.
Not if you have the entire “Full House” collection on DVD. Then you can grandfather them in.
Well, er, nope, not gonna go there.
Once upon a time Johnny Carson had a 100-year-old woman on his show to celebrate her birthday. He observed, predictably, that she must have seen some changes in her time, and she allowed that she had. One that she highlighted was beach wear, to which Carson suggested that she must be a mite discomfited by going to the beach these days. She disagreed, and observed that there are few things in this world more attractive than a 16-year-old girl with very little clothing on.
Obviously, PJ Media would judge her a filthy perv*.
*like Gerard Van Der Leun, former editor of penthouse.com and PJ Media stalwart.
Women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, Mandrake–but I do deny them my essence.
And the Steve Graham Prize for most strained attempt to drag PJM into an unrelated post goes to….Richard Bennett!
*cough* althouse *cough*
Congratulations, Richard! You’ve won a brand new skillet!
Can’t believe Derbyshire thinks hardbodied 18-year-old girls are attractive. Me, I like ‘em fat and old. I mean, “mature.”
Well, I think the point is he begins at 15 and stops at 20. Me, I’d take it all the way up to, say, 27.
There are some 15-year-old girls that no man can honestly claim aren’t sexually attractive to him, and as I recall from my high school days, some of those girls are pretty horny to boot.
Still, while some countries have moved the age of consent to 16 or even lower, I don’t think it’s a good idea. They might be sexually mature, but emotionally both genders are pretty vulnerable at that age, and it’s too easy for older people to take advantage of them with their greater experience and wealth.
Would you want your 15-year-old daughter/sister dating a rich 50-year-old guy because he buys her jewelry and a car? (shudder)
Back Street Boyz?
I have lost all respect.
Interesting.
I don’t think he actually expressed a personal preference, for all that everyone’s already got him thrown in jail and fired from his job for committing statutory rape.
It seems clear to me that he was discussing what society has held up as an ideal phyiscal appearance for women. I think a quick tour through any department store cosmetics dept or a glance through the average fashion magazine would probably support his position. Cosmetic surgery designed mainly to help women regain an appearance of youth is a multi-million dollar industry.
The only personal preference he actually gave was that he didn’t buy a magazine to look at Jennifer Aniston’s tatas. That doesn’t mean he cruises for young girls or is a closet pedophile.
Is it possible–possible, mind you–that he’s so in love with his wife that he feels no real attraction for any other woman? That the concept of sexual attractiveness to someone other than his wife might then be nothing more than fodder for an intellectual discussion regarding broad trends of socio-cultural preferences?
That’s the way I feel about my own soul-mate.
I can’t tell if Derb was expressing his own preferences or making a broader statement about male preferences across different cultures (and eras). If the latter, then, well, he’s sort of correct. Creepy, but correct.
Me, I’m just glad that even the feminists among us do their best to keep themselves looking young and fit. E.g., “ASS CREAM IS A TOOL OF THE PATRIARCHY! Which reminds me—I’m all out of ass cream.”
“His barely legal visual preference”? What is that, Garance Franke-Rutacode, code for I-wish-somebody’d-oogle these suckers one more time (assuming “Garance Franke-Ruta” is a moniker for your womanhood of the opposite gender) or damn-I-hate-you-fucking-conservatives-no-matter-what?
I mean, give it a rest.
Derb has every legal right to leer at kids; as much right as to make an ass out of himself in public.
(Me, since you’re obviously fervently interested, I sez that the two sexiest women I ever knew were 38 and 40 respectively, with a 43 year old model right in there in the same running, come to think of it.)
tw: Me man, you teenager. (This thing’s really good, Jeff.)
It was a joke, Nathan. Just a joke.
But in this context, aren’t Mary-Kate and Ashley like past it?
And, for that matter, the audience at a Back Street Boyz concert before it?
Derbyshire’s stupidity is contained in two words…
“Conservatives, as I recall, are the ones who believe that “human nature has no history.” It follows that we are at ease with the fact that the human female is visually attractive to the human male at, or shortly after, puberty, and for only a few brief years thereafter.”
making a broader statement about male preferences across different cultures (and eras).
Didn’t most cultures historically have women mostly married off by 13 or 14?
I mean, if you only live to 35, that’s 5 years of reproductive potential wasted. That might put a real crimp in the survivability of your culture, consider you could reasonably expect half your kids to die.
PWN3D!
I got your ass cream right here oh maker of worlds
You guys are missing the point. 15-20 year old girls/women can’t drink. Which means guys like Derbyshire don’t have a shot with them anyway. Because in my experience, most 16-year old chicks aren’t turned on by quadratic equations or monographs on Churchill’s use of the imperative voice in 3 key speeches.
Sure, that’d get me to fuck him—but I ain’t his quarry.
No, he should have gone up to 22. Then I could have supported him.
Oh shut up, Phonecian. Idiot.
Oh fucking Christ.
Will those silly chicks stop already? Really, it’s like they’re in an arms race with parodists.
Give big ups to the Mira Mesa Marauders then edit it out just to appease some Alhambra middle schoolers. Why?
BECAUSE OF THE COOKIES!
I heard that Derb is playing Ron Johnson, stereo salesman, in Valley Stream Central High’s new production of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, the musical.
He really nails Stacey in that dugout. And he’s got a sweet leather member’s only jacket. Surf Nazis Must Die!
For what it’s worth, Jill’s essay on ass cream is my all-time favorite post on Feministe. Watching her agonize at the thought of betraying the cause in order to make her ass a little firmer—comedy gold. “I know it’s wrong, but I just can’t stop RUBBING IT IN!!!”
As for Derb, I look forward to his cover story for next month’s National Review, “If There’s Grass On The Field, Play Ball.”
And if you would, please send a self-addressed stamped envelope containing a picture of your daughter and her IM handle, to…
[/rich 50-year-old guy]
Hey, don’t look at me, I’m not quite 44 yet—obviously too young (and poor) for that golddigging daughter.
Two things: first, I’ve seen Fast Times 156 times. So I am deeply appreciative of the reference, Jim.
And for the record, “I’d say who the hell is Ron Johson?” But then, I was RAISED ON THE RADIO.
Second, sorry Mira Mesa. But I just couldn’t get the Catholic School girl unis out of my head.
I believe every man here with a soul will forgive me for that.
You guys are missing the point. 15-20 year old girls/women can’t drink.
Oh, they can, they can. They can’t hold it, mind.
Sure, that’d get me to fuck himâ€â€but I ain’t his quarry.
The NRO site has his email address. I imagine he’d be happy to have a non-abusive letter right about now, and if you play your cards right…
Who the fuck needs ass cream??
Besides Jeff I mean, what with his Derb-crush and all.
Goldie:
You are a serious perv.
Speaking of wooden. Right on que. Jeez.
No.
And I am a F’ing retard!!
I can’t believe that asshole, being attracted to tight little post-pubescent girls and not saggy older self-righteous demagogues like myself! He… he must be SCARED. Scared of my huge pendulous BREASTS. Conservative fucks like Derbyshire just can’t DEAL with a strong WOMYN like myself shoving her boobs right in his face, and waving them around like I JUST DON’T CARE. Not that I’d do that to some WRINKLY OLD FART like Derb again–WHO TOTALLY LOOKS LIKE A TOTAL FART in that poster hanging above my bed.
Call me.
Bah! Look at all this drooling political correctness. First a little *context* might help:
[url=”http://corner.nationalreview.com/05_11_27_corner-archive.asp#083584″]“Conservatives, as I recall, are the ones who believe that “human nature has no history.” It follows that we are at ease with the fact that the human female is visually attractive to the human male at, or shortly after, puberty, and for only a few brief years thereafter.
***Civilized*** male conservatives, among whose number I very much hope to be counted, regard the visual attractiveness of women as a welcome lagniappe in the grand scheme of things, other attributes being far more important practically all the time, and those other attributes being the grounds for our respect.”[/url] (click for the rest)
To read the comments here (and elsewhere) it would seem that it naturally follows from the above that he’s actively trying to bed a 16 year old.
Keeryst on a pogo stick people! Get a grip. On his actual point re: *visual* attractiveness, you know he’s right.
That apparently makes some people awfully uncomfortable though.
I milk it to pictures of Bea Arthur. NOW do you love me, Jill?
The thing is: women are tricky. Some of them peak as teenagers (e.g. Linsay Lohan, Mandy Moore) but some of them hold off their peakiness till their twenties. A few peak before puberty (I went to school with some hot 12 year-olds who became frumpy teens and dumpy women), and an even fewer wait till their thirties. There’s no pattern I’ve been able to find, but the search is a reward unto itself.
Jeff’s favorite feminist has declared that only pedophile’s dig women with small breasts, over in the feministe comments section. Which is pretty empowering. Unless you want your husband having a go at your kids, better get a boob job, small breasted women.
Ass cream makes girls’ asses shiny for a minute, which is nice if you’re observing that minute. Pure tool of the man. Good stuff.
I’ve never read the comments at Feministe before, so I was surprised at how hot it was, the way all the ladies there scotomize their discredited early 20th century Progressive anti-Semitic tropes so that they look to all the world like socially acceptable early 21st century progressive misandry. It’s like watching them all put on ass cream.
Totally gave me a Frankenberry.
Keep your Olsen twins. In a kinder world than this one, Marg Helgenberger could snap me like a twig. If I was lucky.
Desert Cat —
That’s an awful lot of wordiness to excuse the fact he wants to do the salesgirl at the GAP.
JUST SAY IT, JOHN! SHOUT IT TO THE HEAVENS, WITHOUT ALL THE PEDANTIC EMBROIDERY!
Or better, do what I do and just pull your pecker out in the food court and swing it like a lasso until some little honey comes over and offers to buy you a Panda Express lunch.
Tried that once.
Who the fuck needs ass cream?? Besides Jeff I mean, what with his Derb-crush and all.
Ask and it shall be linked.
If I’m reading him right, he says:
In other words, there’s more to women than looks. Isn’t this what the fems have been preaching for years? Isn’t this the only way that we men are legally allowed to think about them?
I swear, some people are looking for a fight.
sw: story. Every picture tells a story. Some of them tell very ugly stories. Don’t take pictures of underage stories.
In other words, there’s more to women than looks. Isn’t this what the fems have been preaching for years?
You missed this bit:
“Conservatives, as I recall, are the ones who believe that “human nature has no history.” It follows that we are at ease with the fact that the human female is visually attractive to the human male at, or shortly after, puberty, and for only a few brief years thereafter.”
Italians attack!
Man I miss Allah’s ‘shops…
So he must like bony teenage asses, is that it? My body’s too bootylicious for you, Derb? Disgusting. SOME PEOPLE LIKE A LITTLE JUNK IN THE TRUNK! But maybe that’s just too SCARY for you??
Well I don’t care what you think! I’m looking hot, smelling good. I groove like I’m from the hood. Derby, can you handle this? I DON’T THINK YOU’RE READY FOR THIS JELLY
You missed this bit:
”visually attractive”
I don’t know what’s happened here the last couple of days, but if acid’s involved, would you mind sharing?
Jeff and Allah: That is a freakin’ masterpiece. Do you think they’ll link it at The Corner?
Maybe if I remove the purple-headed Churchill reference. But I’d rather leave it as is and picture Dreher stumbling across it getting the vapors.
I am in my mid-30s and am no longer able to tell a woman’s age. Fifteen year-olds may as well be 21 to me. Thirty can pass for 20. I don’t know why that is, either.
It’s because the young’uns are so easy to ejjicate. As the old Mayfair magazine (back before the Raymond group turned it into just any gynecology mag) put it in an article purporting to be a guide to older men for young women: If, after sex, you feel a certain vague sense of something missing, of incompletion, a feeling there should be something more  Congratulations! You’ve just had an orgasm!
In other news, I’ve got a gymnast in my pants.
You missed this bit: “visually attractiveâ€Â
Riiiiight. So there exist no visually attractive females past, say, the age of 20?
[beautiful people by decade; links not rendering]
See that button next to the submit one, called ‘Preview’? Ever wonder what it does?
Hmmmm… guess what dear. Ashton Kutcher is the exception. Or maybe Demi Moore is.
Hey, if you don’t appreciate your saggy boob days, feel free to forego the sexual power you have in your perky days.
And Jeff, I find a weird visceral enjoyment (short of an Abe Lincoln smack weekend–“I freed who?”) on this tie-in: the Shakespeare guy from 10 Things I Hate About You is on the CBS show Numb3rs. Numbers…which is what Derb is all about. Hmmm…
Oh, and you forgot all those summer camp movies that Derb must LOVE…
TW: members. As in, “I’m not touching…”
Amateurs.
58 comments, and no one has pointed out how homophobic his statements was, in that gay men wouldn’t find the human female [] visually attractive [] at, or shortly after, puberty, and for only a few brief years thereafter.
Unless during puberty she happened to sprout a nice dick, tight muscular ass, and six-pack abs to replace all those yucky girly bits, that is.
BECAUSE OF THE GAY COCK OF LIES
See that button next to the submit one, called ‘Preview’? Ever wonder what it does?
In this particular case, not much.
PIATOR, good luck with the links, but you miss the point. Do you know any visually attractive thirty year olds who were *less* visually attractive at 20? And don’t miss the broader point he was making–visual aesthetics is only a small part of the total picture that defines “attractive”.
TW: “mother”. Ah the turing word generator scores a near miss! Should have said “MILF”.
And no one has mentioned Derb’s recent posts about music. You know, music! Like Peter, Paul and Mary. One-third of which is a convicted child molester. Unlike Derb.
A new Allah ‘shop! I’m outraged at how happy that makes me!
i might come close….
SIR DERB-A-LOT LYRICS
“Baby Got Bumps”
[Intro]
Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her breasts.
They’re so small. *scoff* She looks like,
one of those NRO guys’ girlfriends.
But, y’know, who understands those Republicans? *scoff*
They only talk to her, because,
she looks like a total hottie, ‘kay?
I mean, her tits, they’re just so tight. *scoff*
I can’t believe they’re just so small, it’s like,
not there, I mean – gross. Look!
She’s just so … pubescent!
[Sir Derbs-a-Lot]
I like small breasts and I can not lie
You other brothers can’t deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a small thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tongue
‘Cause you notice those nips was skinned
Deep in the training bra she’s wearing
I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get wit’cha
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that small butt you got makes me feel so horny
Ooh, Rump-o’-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
‘Cause you ain’t that average groupy
I’ve seen them dancin’
The hell with romancin’
She’s sweat, wet,
Got it goin’ like a turbo ‘Vette
I’m tired of magazines
Sayin’ big boobs are the thing
Take the average man and ask him that
She gotta pack less back
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got less butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell ‘em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that skinnyy butt!
Baby got bumps!
(LA face with Oakland booty)
Baby aint got back!
[Sir Derbs-a-Lot]
I like ‘em firm, and small
And when I’m throwin’ a gig
I just can’t help myself, I’m actin’ like an animal
Now here’s my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
I ain’t talkin’ bout Playboy
‘Cause silicone parts are made for toys
I want ‘em real small and juicy
So find that juicy double
Derb-a-Lot’s in trouble
Beggin’ for a piece of that bubble
So I’m lookin’ at rock videos
Watchin’ these bimbos walkin’ like hoes
You can have them at twenty two
I’ll keep my women like Mary Lou
A word to the tiny soul sistas, I wanna get with ya
I won’t cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *fuck*
Til the break of dawn
Baby got it goin’ on
A lot of fems won’t like this song
‘Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I’d rather stay and play
‘Cause I’m long, and I’m strong
And I’m down to get the friction on
So, ladies! {Yeah!} Ladies! {Yeah}
If you wanna role in my Mercedes {Yeah!}
Then turn around! Stick it out!
Even lib boys got to shout
Baby got bumps!
Baby got bumps!
Yeah, baby … when it comes to females, Ms ain’t got nothin’
to do with my selection. 45-36-45? Ha ha, only if she’s 5’10”.
[Sir Mix-a-Lot]
So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin’ workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don’t want none
Unless you aint got buns, hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups,
But please don’t grow them tits
Some brothers wanna play that “hard” role
And tell you that the bites ain’t gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So Cosmo says you’re flat
Well I ain’t down with that!
‘Cause your waist is small and your curves aren’t kickin’
And I’m thinkin’ bout stickin’
To the beanpole dames in the teen magazines:
You is it, Miss Thing!
Give me a sophmore, I can’t resist her
Red beans and rice didn’t miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
‘Cause his girls are on my list
He had game but he chose to hit ‘em
And I pull up quick to get wit ‘em
So ladies, if the breasts is perky,
And you want a triple X throw tricky,
Dial 1-900-DERALOT
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got breasts!
Jeff G.,
Yeah, I took it too seriously. Oops.
Ah, well, in for a penny, in for a pound:
Someone touched upon the salient point by pointing out that every attractive 30-year-old was likely to have been more attractive at 20.
I guess I’ll say that Derbyshire was inaccurate on one count, and wrong on another.
The part he stated inaccurately: he should have said that female beauty is usually defined in relation to an idealized and extreme (but post-pubescent) youth: bosoms and derrieres that defy gravity, no wrinkles, no blemishes, no sagging, flat stomach, taut arms, etc. And that an older woman’s beauty is thus usually judged on how slowly she’s declined from that youthful standard. A 30-year-old with deep lines around her mouth and breasts that sag to her hips probably won’t be considered that attractive, but a 40 year-old in the shape of Goldie Hawn at age 40 (passed the pencil test at bosom and derriere, she claimed) would still be considered hot.
The part he was wrong: the maturity of the male plays a huge part. When I was 16, a 20-year-old was a woman: sophisticated and world-wise. Now, a 20-year-old is a kid with whom I have little, if anything, in common. No interest.
Maybe it’s age, maybe it’s love (awwww! isn’t that sweet!), but my fiancee has become my standard of beauty. I can recognize other women as attractive, but I don’t feel any pull anymore, because they are all not-Dawn. And I’ve talked to other men who have felt the same way. And then, there are men who are still unable to resist an 18-year-old girl even at age 65+, so I guess it takes all kinds.
Turing Word: “End”, as in I’ve reached the “end” of desire to sow wild oats.
I was amazed at all the ‘pedophile’ comments at Feministe…
After all, if is correct for a 13 yr. old to have unilateral control concerning her uterus, why should anyone else(including the State) have the ability to control her vagina for her?
I was in Beach Blanket Bingo. No one in his right mind would admit to something like that, but since it’s one of Derbyshire’s favorite films, well…credit where credit’s due, guys.
ekw
AFP
You are too funny. Your posts are making me horny. Is that wrong? Mommy?
(Dear Abby, I like girls with terrific personalities and a great sense of humor. So what if they can tie their tits behind their backs? That sounds like a fun thing. Am I sick?
Dear ekw,
You are not sick. Us girls who can tie our tits behind our backs have been waiting all our lives for someone like you. And I don’t mind telling you that there just aren’t that many guys who…ermmm, what’s your phone number?)
I dunno, people. Lohan, the Olsen Twins, Mandy Moore, etc. have always pegged my DINOAS (Desperately In Need Of A Sammich)meter.
And besides, this entire discussion is moot, as I have the ultimate contra to Derb’s statements – Evangeline Lilly. Hot dang.
So to summarize: there is a thin line between naughty and nice. Just in time for the Christmas holiday!
Ned Wynn  Sorry, but you were no John Ashley…
Never hold “discussions” with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.
Unless the organ grinder would also like a spanky.
I’m a little shocked at Derbyshire, I would have thought that a math geek like him would know that age is only one variable in the equation.
Where Attractivness = A
Number of drinks you’ve had = D
Drinks she’s had = d
drinks your wingman has had = W
Weight of her fat friend = w
Time before last call = T
Total Teeth = t
Cockblocking, bald, older brother = Cb
Number of cigarettes it’ll take for her to give you a hummer in the alley = M
Her age =a
(D*d)w (Cb*t)
A=(a) —-
(W*T) (D)M
Hm. I think my looks may be starting to soften, but I peaked at around 40 (last time I was carded: 38). In my 20s and 30s I got tons of attention from men, who were interested in 1-2 things: a large vocabulary and/or large breasts. But they still sort of flock around. However, now they tend to be in their 40s/50s (except for a few 20-somethings at the local market, who’ve probably figured out that if I weren’t married I could teach them all kinds of useful things).
I still think that I look better now than I did as a teenager, and I have more confidence. Also, I’m willing to wear makeup, which I didn’t when I was young because I didn’t think it was the feminist thing to do.
And I’m sorry, but it’s true: the guys who are so insecure that they have to go around bragging about what connoisseurs they are tend to be homely, fat, middle-aged-to-senior-citizen, or some combination thereof. And they never (never!) see the irony.
No expiration date on males? [looks at fingernails, looks back] You wanna bet?
It is kind of funny, really, because if you accept evolution, as Derb does, then you would have to agree that sexual attractiveness in females should be highest from about 15 to 20. At least, it would have been that way in the past.
Or, you know, you could be like some of the girls at feministe and say that anyone who is attracted to a young lady that fully exhibits secondary sexual characteristics is a pedophile. You know, because of the hypocrisy or some such thing.
TW: “served” As in, you have been served Derbyshire!
Also: we peak sexually at 30-35, and there are guys out there who REALLY LIKE women who are genuinely responding, rather than pretending to respond, and who are very interested in sex. Women who know what they want, and will tell ‘em what that is.
But I admit there’s a tradeoff: do you want the girl who’ll look good on your arm, or the one who’s fun between the sheets?
Right.
Because fucking a hot nineteen year old is NO FUN AT ALL.
Conservatives, as I recall, are the ones who believe that “human nature has no history.” It follows that we are at ease with the fact that the human female is visually attractive to the human male at, or shortly after, puberty, and for only a few brief years thereafter.
***Civilized*** male conservatives, among whose number I very much hope to be counted, regard the visual attractiveness of women as a welcome lagniappe in the grand scheme of things, other attributes being far more important practically all the time, and those other attributes being the grounds for our respect.
None of which means we can’t pass comments & have a little cheeky fun with our human nature—which, after all, we take pride in being comfortable with.
(From the actual post at the Corner, not via a few layers of dumbass commentary.)
Seems far too many of our readers didn’t bother to read the original and see that he’s… not entirely serious? And not suggesting that it’s good to actually, you know, have sex with 15 year olds (at least if you’re much over 15 yourself, I suppose).
Further, unlike whoever-it-was-that-was-linked-to, I’m pretty sure Derbyshire is thinking, like many non-medical-types, that “puberty” starts with menstruation, not at an average age of… 9. I certainly wouldn’t have thought “puberty = 9 years old”, myself.
Derbyshire can be a doofus, and it’s real easy to jump on him, but I just don’t see it here.
t/w: She. Man, that’s just too easy.
I scream—
You scream—
We all scream for ass cream.
I dare you to print this!
Richard McC
I may be no John Ashley, but at least I’m over 5’ tall…Oooo. Burn!
Richard, what say we kidnap Attila Girl and take her over to Tim’s? She would have had a blast at the party we had while Tim was with Lileks eating plastic turkey. Plus she’s hot.
ekw
Sigvald, that is a response to the initial piece in which the Derbmeister states that Jennifer Aniston is patently unhot because she is all of 36. I call that a caveat.
Anyhow,
What, we can’t pass comments & have a little cheeky fun with good ol’ Derb?
I emailed the link to Derb. His reply: “Nice to be appreciated!” There was a private message for AFP, forwarded independently.
I would like to ask some of the more mature female readers here, if you were to run off to the beach for a lost week-end of purely physical, screaming hot monkey love, what age partner would you be looking for?
tw:students-> LMFAO!
I doubt I count as “more mature” in mentality (fart jokes, man) or age, but my partner is in my age group (fart jokes aplenty).
Also: we peak sexually at 30-35,
Thus the MILF phenomenon.
TW: “shot”. I won’t go there…
Lauren,
No, he didn’t say that.
What he said was: he didn’t purchase the magazine to look at her body.
That’s it.
Then he went off on a vamp that explained if he wanted to see the most attractive possible female body naked, it probably wouldn’t be a 36-yr-old, because the idealistic standards of physical beauty are that of younger women, which begin fading. I’m sure the ages he gives (15-20) are because he probably doesn’t even realize how old the girls are he’s thinking of that are physically flawless but otherwise totally uninteresting to him.
I don’t think there’s a thinking person on the planet who thinks Jennifer Aniston is objectively gorgeous on pure physical appearance alone. If someone thinks she is gorgeous, it’s because of something else: personality, friendship, nice smile, fame, sexy attitude, uninhibited nature, etc, etc, etc.
Sure, he went to far down a rabbit hole, and you can go ahead and have fun with that. But don’t set up a strawman and then attack that strawman like it was Derb’s point.
Sheesh. I’d think you would prefer a man felt attraction to a woman for something besides raw physical appearance. Guess not, but that’s a funny view for a self-professed Feminist.
Personally, I think it is good to stop a second and try to figure out where your urges come from. That’s what Derb was trying to do. It’s never a bad thing to understand yourself better; it means your conscious mind can have more control over your actions.
That’s something that mature conservatives prize. Dunno about anyone else.
Someone between the ages of 18-55 with lots of stamina, a good vocabulary, a bitchin’ set of sexual skillz, an appreciation for good food, and something fun going on around the chest and/or arm area (broad shoulders, nice biceps, some sort of eye candy).
<objectively gorgeous on pure physical appearance alone. If someone thinks she is gorgeous, it’s because of something else: personality, friendship, nice smile, fame, sexy attitude, uninhibited nature, etc, etc, etc. </blockquote>
There is no such thing as “objectively gorgeous.” Men like to think there is, and when they get together they probably paper over their differences (big boobs vs. flat belly vs. legs vs. long necks vs. red hair vs. olive skin vs. full lips vs. voluptuous ass), but there is no single standard that all men agree on.
If they man’s view of what the woman’s “personality” is has no bearing on how attractive she appears to him, then the whole business is being reduced to a mechanical level in a way that’s probably more demeaning for men than it is for women.
I mean, why do we look at pictures of hot people in various stages of undress? To fantasize about them. If you’re unable to fantasize about a beautiful woman because she’s in her mid-30s, there’s something rather sad about that.
Attila Girl
Someone in her mid-thirties is underage to me. I don’t want anyone under forty. And she better be able to converse, not just talk, and I need her to have a good sense of humor. Good-looking? Yeah. That’s definitely in there, it’s just not the first thing on the list anymore. Why am I like this?
I’m 81.
OK, I’m in my fifties. Sometimes it takes that long. Some of us are slow learners. However, if you say the man has to be between 18 and 55, I’m a mite suspicious. Eighteen is certainly not on my list of necessary attributes. You will run into everything you hate, except a nice body, if you really mean anyone in their teens or twenties. Of course, you know all this.
You know that men notoriously mature later than women. When a woman seeks a much younger man, then she is acting just like what she professes to hate. I don’t know your true predilection, you may just be using a rhetorical cat-o-nine-tails on us oafish and infantile assknobs since we probably do need chastisement, but I wonder if you have ever been with someone in his fifties. If not, you might be pleasantly surprised.
On the other hand, some of those guys in their twenties really do have nice bodies, don’t they…
I’m 40, but humorously my answer hasn’t changed since I was about 20: I prefer men in the 40-60 range. It varies depending on the man of course. Those more intelligent/witty men can qualify much earlier; dull men don’t qualify at any age.
My body responds to my brain and my brain has a head trip about needing to respect the intellect and maturity and wit of a fellow before the rest of my body feels he is, er, “inspiring.” I am not talking about traditional IQ here, more the ‘human and social wisdom’ aspect of intelligence.
(This has its vulnerable points. When a man demonstrates maturity, insight and wit AND has a blog with photo like VodkaPundit, well, let’s just say men like that should come with surgeon general warning stickers.)
Men more mature also tend to have a greater appreciation of aspects of women that are not just the nubile quotient; for young men, a sexy woman is all they need, often; for older men, usually they find intelligence, humor, lack of inhibition, increased sexual response, etc. important as well. This matters to the weekend in question, because much of how turned on I am depends on how turned on he is, and I am more deeply turned on by someone turned on by ‘the fuller me’ so to speak than just my body. One might think that’s because I’m 40 but I felt that way even at 20, so I don’t think my age has much to do with it.
I can look at a naked picture of some age 25 male beauty with an oversized member and think, “Nice,” but in real life, I wouldn’t be drawn to him. I wouldn’t even find him interesting personally, although if he were on a paying gig for the night as an art exhibit I’d appreciate that he was decorative and dance with him, why not.
The sexiest man I ever met was a totally bald way-overly sweaty slightly paunchy late-40’s Judo sensei, a former New York Harlem white Irish cop with a foul mouth and a ribald sense of humor. Every woman who went near the guy wanted to throw herself at him, including the most stunning college-age beauties. All the other men found it so mysterious. It was obvious to the women though: he was extremely self-confident (not arrogant in the slightest–quite the opposite–but confident); he had a helluva sense of humor and could reduce you to aching tears just describing daily events; everything he did, he did intensely and as well as he could, investing himself in LIVING in the moment, resulting in him not only being more ‘alive’ but making those around him feel more alive as well; and he was smart, and though experienced and hardened a little by that, hadn’t let it dent his ability to find optimism and respect faith.
I was 19 and I propositioned him outright, wannabe slut that I was. I had to get in line, but the line behind me was longer; the number of girls and women who admitted this over time was amazing. I told him I’d be his willing slave for a weekend if he wanted one. He told me his wife might have a problem with that but he really needed his lawn mowed. Of course, this cracked me up. His ability to have a sense of humor about this–and to be mature and faithful to his wife–despite that it was obvious from our interaction he appreciated both my body and my mind–only made him more ideal. Happy sigh. The guys thought he was butt-uggly and just couldn’t figure the man’s effect on women.
I appreciate “decorative” people of either gender and any age–and there are different ways to be decorative in that respect–that doesn’t mean I want to have sex with all of them. I consider it shallow and immature that so many people have trouble differentiating between things they appreciate for their sensual appeal and things they want to have sex with.
I know happily married men who appreciate the hell out of sexy women but despite that appreciation, don’t choose to have sex with them even when the wife is not around. Not out of fear of disease or pregnancy or marital trouble. Just because sex with someone you love and respect and who loves and respects you is a qualitatively different experience than sex based on body alone.
However, not until someone is genuinely IN love (not the same as simply loving someone you’re used to) can they understand that by experience, so, telling people about it is probably pointless.
“I am in my mid-30s and am no longer able to tell a woman’s age. Fifteen year-olds may as well be 21 to me. Thirty can pass for 20. I don’t know why that is, either.”
40 is the new 30, 50 is the new 40, etc. It’s called vitamins. And maybe a nip and tuck…..
“I would like to ask some of the more mature female readers here, if you were to run off to the beach for a lost week-end of purely physical, screaming hot monkey love, what age partner would you be looking for?”
I wouldn’t base it on age. Personality, chemistry, humor. I like short dark hairy guys, but that’s just me. I can’t get turned-on by someone I can’t talk with, so he would have to have a certain amount of articulateness. I guess old enough to have real-world smarts and his own opinions would be an essential quality, maybe an “old soul” or someone very thoughtful and reflective. But my best friends’ son has all that and he’s 16. (Actually, I could be hot for him if he weren’t my best friend’s son, but he does act like a kid often enough that the turn-on would turn-off. I don’t have fantasies of breaking in teenage boys. I think he’s hot to whatever extent he acts like a grownup.)
I guess I don’t do “purely physical.”
Tank
Tried to login and put a comment on your own blog; looked for “contact” link; be easier to get into Yale on a white man scholarship. Anyway, all I wanted to do was send you a mash note. Now I have to do it in front of all these people…(straightens self, sets jaw, forges on, oblivious of stares, snickers, and tossed objects…)
I am printing out your paragraph on what constitutes a sexy man so I can stick it on my mirror. It’s excellent. The whole post is excellent. Oh, just for future reference, y’know, for your stats files, I’m bald (well, shaved head, anyway), not sweaty (note to self – learn sweaty), confident (after all, I’m doing this, aren’t I? Or does this just fall under shameless self-abasement?) I think I need to read your post again.
Good job, McT.
Why thanks. I am new to blogging and left out the contact line. I’ve added it in, and thanks for the heads-up.
Ekw–
My husband turns 53 tomorrow. So the answer, of course, is yes. I really cannot imagine that a young guy would suit me, but I’m trying to be broad-minded.
And sometimes when the local high school boys’ track club is running near my home, I look. (Of course, I always want to drive right to the Sheriff’s station and turn myself in afterward.)
Do you know any visually attractive thirty year olds who were *less* visually attractive at 20?
Which is, of course, a completely seperate argument from the one Derbyshire put forth.
Ya know, I’m at that age that if I see grandma, mama, and sissygirl walking down the street, I’m thinking they’re all doable!