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You know what day it is, don’t you, Jeff –?

—Yeah, yeah, I know.  But if it’s dancing you want, you should have been here earlier—like, just after the Bush speech this morning, when the little guy fixed himself an ice cold pitcher of gin and juice, dropped an old cardboard refrigerator box in the middle of the living room floor, and breakdanced himself into a whirling, shelled frenzy!

Unfortunately, six drinks and a half-hour later, all the poor bastard had left in him was a couple of feeble pop and tics before passing out under my kid’s playpen.  Which would have really sucked had I not struck on the idea of taking a Sharpie and drawing on a Groucho mustache an eyebrows—which, strangely, made him look like a napping John Cleese.

If, y’know, John Cleese were a gin-soaked armadillo in puffy yellow MC Hammer pants.

16 Replies to “You know what day it is, don’t you, Jeff –?”

  1. Lew Clark says:

    Ha!

    KOS has taken over “Protein Wisdom” on Friday.  Because all we get is some story about the ‘dillo, that only the terminally moonbatty would believe!

  2. Jeff Goldstein says:

    BUSH LIED!

    (oops. was that out loud?)

  3. Lydia says:

    Which would have really sucked had I not struck on the idea of taking a Sharpie and drawing on a Groucho mustache an eyebrows—

    Kinda like this?

  4. Ian Wood says:

    I know John Cleese.  And that, sir, is no John Cleese.

  5. Sean M. says:

    I hear digital cameras aren’t all that expensive anymore, and a lot of them even have the capability to shoot video.  Hint hint.

  6. Major John says:

    Sean, I hear armadillos are quite superstitious about cameras.  They think they steal their souls or their mojo or some such.  It was a good idea anyway…

  7. Sean M. says:

    I hear ya, Major John.  But if the li’l fella is already unconsious…I won’t tell him if you don’t.

  8. bobonthebellbuoy says:

    I dunno, the Dillo was down in the hurricane ravaged south with some redneck National Guard outfit and now he’s a drunk hiding under the playpen and embellished with cartoon markings. I think FRIGGIN NOT! Fess up, the little bastard never got out of N.O. and is pleasantly ensconced on Bourbon Street with vampire lap dancers. You are so evil Goldstein.

    TW “stay”,, yah he stayed….. AWAY!

  9. B Moe says:

    I propose a contest, to find the drunkest artiste among us.

  10. Not to open any old wounds, but whatever happened to Hundred Percenter? Another internet voice goes quiet. Sigh.

  11. gail says:

    On a tangentially related matter, a type of lemur has been named after John Cleese.

  12. Kirk says:

    So, you telling me that John Cleese isn’t a gin-soaked armadillo in puffy yellow MC Hammer pants?

    Damn.

  13. Beck says:

    I don’t get it.

  14. MarkD says:

    I just want to know if he’s a veteran.

  15. yellow MC Hammer pants

    Are you sure that’s an armadillo, and not a The Cheat?

Comments are closed.