Woke this morning with the uncomfortable feeling I’d done something naughty to the Travelocity Roaming Gnome, who wandered into my dreams last night wearing crotchless lace panties and spiked pumps, and carrying a shepherd’s staff wound with red electrical tape so that it looked like a crooked barber’s pole.
Normally I’d say such a sight is unlikely to excite me. But dreams are crazy things—and having once spent an entire glorious evening giving Margaret Cho a footrub while watching her eat a half dozen cornbeef sandwiches, I can’t rule anything out.
And right now? I just feel dirty.
That gnome is a randy bugger.
Maggie Cho eats 6 corned beef sandwiches as a warm-up. The main event involves a bakers dozen of big ol’ burritos from Moe’s.
– The Gnome has been known to plug the wrong things into the wrong places, so a good heads up would be to avoid dropping the soap if the little hornytoad is anywhere abouts. By the way, does the Armodilla know you’ve taken up with the Gnome? Un huh…. thought not…
word torture: “Products” …. There seems to be an unending parade of demented “products” swimming around in your propeller ladened bean Goldstein.
Well, he told you not to back up.
Was Moby there too?
The Gnome is almost, but not quite, as annoying as that boondocks blogad.
CONGRATULATIONS
TW= medical Uh huh,right
You know, I’ve been reading p-dub since before it went dark, and I read this post without batting an eye for a while, but the part that got me? Margaret Cho and the corned beef sandwiches. The gnome stuff? I was like “eh.”
How screwed up am I?
Just spank it off in a hot shower.
You’ll feel like a new man.
The roaming gnome is kind of annoying, but at least he doesn’t misspell his name like that Chomsky dwarf.
I’m right there with you j.d. Been reading reading PW since before those damn colored NO-SIGNAL bars showed up. And I also hit the Cho part and said “For God’s sake, Jeff, WTF!?!?”
Get yourself tested–that Gnome’s been around.
I highly recommend dropping by the clinic today in order to get tested. Just in case…
McGehee’s onto something here! Putative future Protein Wisdom series: “If, Instead of a Blinkered, Leftist Demagogue Punching Way Above His Weight in Political and Foreign Policy Pontifications, Noam Chomsky Was a Whimsical, Ceramic Spokesman for Travelocity.”
I have had the Gnome, he isn’t half bad……….
I heard the little guy’s got gnomorrhea.
I guess that makes you a gnomersexual, Jeff.
Hot Press News Release: Coming on the heels of the Senate investigations concerning possible charges of sedition, Chomsky’s contract as the voice of the talking sock Rats, popularized by a certain Restaurant chain’s TV Ads, were yanked unceremoniously after it was determined that subliminal Marxist words were interjected within the ragged, garbled narrative. Chomsky’s defense team refused to respond to questions involving the details of the ongoin investigation, although they did make a point of “outing” the obnoxious, gruff voiced ,pug-faced baby boy that replaced their client, stating “[he] is obviously gay, and a closet pro-life ChimpyMcBush plant, ment to discredit Chomsky’s positions on the Iraqui illegal war and the lies of WMD by the administration.” Several Liberal luminaries voiced support for the embattled poly-sci professor….
Mother Sheehan: “Another case to argue that Americans should make babies, not war, because well… babies can be safely aborted whereas fighting for your country can get really ugly and stuff…..
H.Dean: “I never met a conservative that didn’t hate Me, and I’ll tell you…. for the life of Me I can’t understand why they lie about Me so much…”
J.sKerry: “I was for toasted sandwitches before I was against them…. Oh and the form 180 is in the mail….”
T.Kennedrunk: “Sock Rats…. gawd I hate those things…. Is it happy hour yet?”
So, uh… was the Gnome packin’, or did he come up short? If you know what I mean.
If you’re into gnomes, Jeff, I’d recommend you rent Amelie on DVD. Not only is it the only French movie ever worth watching(didn’t fall asleep ONCE), and not only does it star the highly bangable Audrey Tautou, but it is the movie from which the Travelocity Gnome was borrowed.
Margaret Cho used to be hot. Funny, too.
These days, not so much.
All things considered, it’s good to see Jeff Gannon has found work these days.
[eDog: I would also perform unspeakable and perhaps blasphemous acts with Audrey Tautou.]
That’s what you get for watching midget porn and eating chile rellenos just before bed.
I hope you learned your lesson.
If not, next time perhaps you could take some quaaludes and a picture of Andrea Dworkin into the bathroom and let us know the result.