From ABC News:
The United Nations has begun a worldwide drive to counter the threat of a global flu pandemic. The U.N.’s new avian flu czar, Dr. David Nabarro, will head up the drive to contain the disease and prepare for its possible jump to humans.
The avian flu virus is spread by chickens, ducks and other birds and has been a problem in Southeast Asia for several years, killing at least 65 people in four Asian countries since 2003. With strains of the virus found in humans, there has been growing concern among U.S. officials about the possibility of a pandemic.
[…]
Nabarro said he was “certain” that there will be a flu pandemic sometime soon – and that the range of deaths could be anywhere from 5 million to 150 million. He said it was up to the world whether “the next pandemic leads us in the direction of 150 million deaths or in the direction of 5 million deaths.”
[…]
Nabarro said he had been invited to the State Department to participate in the avian flu initiative announced by President Bush two weeks ago. He said Bush’s initiative will be a huge success if it can help give all the world’s governments the political will to take the necessary steps ahead of a pandemic.
President Bush has announced an international partnership aimed at preventing an avian flu pandemic. The initiative is geared to increase global communication on the flu, with an emphasis on countries that face outbreaks sharing details and providing samples to the World Health Organization. The U.S. also plans to hold strategic international talks to plan against flu pandemic.
[…]
Nabarro said the nightmare scenario would occur if a pandemic began in a refugee community: “If an outbreak starts in Khartoum, or in Darfur – if it was in refugee communities, we would be seeing something cataclysmic for humanity. Nightmare scenario: pandemic takes root in the least well-served and perhaps most crowded areas.”
And the worst part? No chicken soup.
update: Okay, maybe dying from a bird flu is technically the “worst” part. But the no chicken soup thing? A close second.
Boids.
Filthy, disgustin’ boids.
Yeah, an avian bird flu pandemic is always funny until the pustules recrudesce.
Obviously, the only solution is to sit on the roof with a face mask and a pellet gun and keep them birds offa my property.
This article is hype.
As long as you wear a condom when you fuck the chicken, you’ll be alright.
STOP THE CHICKEN FUCKING!!!!!!!!!
Well, the problem is not so much that I don’t wear the condom—it’s that I always forget to take the stupid thing out of the chicken’s ass before I kill and cook the dumb sexy beast.
I blame Michael Brown.
CHICKENHAWKFLUBUGFUCKINGNEOFASCISTVACCINEMONGERS!!!!
GAY FLU-BEARING COCKS!
The UN and the US Department of State are on the case, no need to worry.
Now where did I put that map to my survivalist bunker in Northern Idaho…?
I think there’s plenty of blame to go around, and I certainly hope everyone has the good sense to learn from this, so long as they only learn what I tell them to learn, of course.
Hmmm.
I know this makes me want to move to New Orleans.
Should I stock up on water? Duct tape?
If it does start in Darfur, how are they going to blame Bush and Rove for it? Cynthia Mckenny should start working on her notes.
New Jeep Commander? Check.
Shotgun? Uh, no.
Tamiflu? Yeah, uh, “no” on that too.
Map to North Idaho survivalist camp? Nyet.
Shit, I got some work to do.
TW: “research”. I crap you negative.
As long as you wear a condom when you fuck the chicken, you’ll be alright.
And don’t forget to wrap it in duct tape so it doesn’t explode when you fuck it.
What gets the duct tape, the chicken or Mr. Happy?
Dude ummm, you get the avian flu from the chicken soup.
Screwing the chicken has nothing to do with it.
I hope.
65 people dead in 3 years and most of them up to their elbows in chickens dying of the avian flu. Pardon me if I’m not actually, well, alarmed.
>cough<
My wife says she’s heard there’s a dog flu now. So, do you get it by screwing the pooch?
Roger – That’s the way flu pandemics start. The early form can’t pass from human to human, so everyone who dies from it had to be exposed to massive doses of the virus from its natural host (usually birds).
Eventually, though, this or some other influenza will adapt enough to infect humans from humans. Then we’re in trouble.
Screwing the chicken has nothing to do with it. I hope.
Yeah, just keep telling yourself that. A little sensation in the heat of the moment is not worth your life, my man.
I’m confused. Isn’t slaughtering all the chickens how you stop the pandemic in its tracks? And then we’re gonna hafta do something with all that poultry.
On the contrary, I think we’re gonna be swimming in chicken soup before long…
cathy
It looks like the U.N. wants to act proactively to defend refugees in Darfur from a future flu: “If an outbreak starts in Khartoum, or in Darfur…”.
Hey, we’re being hacked to death down here, and could use your help with, like – the genocide, but it’s nice to know you’re worried about our health.
(Seriously thogh, this could be an under-the-table way of getting the U.N. back into Darfur’s refugee camps and of creating a mandate for U.S./U.N.-backed intervention in the area.)
-Steve
If it hits the Gaza Strip or the West Bank, will the Palestinians reject the chicken soup therapy as another Zionist Plot?
I foresee that this will lead to nothing but sorrow and heartache for the GOP.
Don’t get me wrong, it’ll start innocently enough. The CDC will confiscate infected chickens and start using them to create a vaccine. Once that’s developed, though, a wingnut in DARPA gets an idea to create a new tool to
spread American imperialismfight global terror: a breed of fighting rooster that can be fitted with neural controls, that would be a carrier of the bird flu. The idea, of course, would be to send such infected roosters into (for example) terrorist camps and direct them via remote control to attack, spreading the disease. In the final stages of development, however, a joint covert operation between PETA and Greenpeace finds and vandalizes the facility, and reveals the project’s existence to the press. Dan Rather gets his revenge as he comes out of retirement to pen a front-page piece for the NYT entitled “Bush Connected To Cock Ring”. A massive media push, culminating with Green Day and the Beastie Boys headlining a DNC fundraising concert called “Rock Out To Get The Cocks Out” results in Hillary Clinton being elected to the presidency in ‘08.Sorrow and heartache, I tell you. Sorrow and heartache.
Meh, only now do I come up with a better headline for the NYT piece: “Bush In Bed With Cock Ring”. Oh well, better work harder on the next one (whenever that is), I guess.
As a physician, I find these smartmouth postings on avian flu very discouraging. Typical Asian flu kills 36000 Americans in an average flu season; virologists type it as H5N1. The bird flu is typed H5N2, meaning it is pretty similar to the Asian flu. So far 55% of all folks with the bird flu have died. So excuse me if I don’t find that chicken-f***king funny. Migrating wild birds spread the bug intercontinentally; it’ll be in Europe this winter. And if it changes a little bit, genetically, it will become as human-to-human contagious as the Asian strain. So prepare to kiss 55% of your sweet butts goodbye if that happens.
Tim – I think most people here take this seriously, but what can they do other than try to laugh?
I seriously doubt that 100% of the population will get the bird flu, or that 55% of those infected will die. What did the last big influenza pandemic kill, 5 or 10% of the world population?
That said, 5 to 10% is high enough to scare me shitless.
Dr. Tim –
So are you telling us that we can’t catch it from chicken fucking?
*gasp* But I like 55% of my sweet butt!!!
Go take your humorless “discouragement” elsewhere, Tiny Dr. Tim.
TW: force. Yeah, I kinda had to force that Firesign Theater reference in there, but it was worth it.
“The U.N.’s new avian flu czar, Dr. David Nabarro…”
Get a grip, people, this information is coming from the guitarist for Jane’s Addiction. You think he can fool me with that “b” instead of a “v”? Think again, pal.
Spam word: “head,” as in, uh, well you get the idea.
*gasp* I just realized something…
INDC = IN Da Chicken!!1!
I am with you dude, I am dead serious about my chicken fucking.
See, Dr. Tim agrees with me. You don’t get the flu from screwing chickens.
Whew, I’m glad that particular nightmare is over.
Guys, guys, you’ve got it all wrong. You only catch bird flu when the chicken screws you.
I think Dr. Tim’s concerns are valid. The real concern is that the flu will be transmissable from human to human (currently it’s only tranmissable from bird to human). Most ‘experts’ that have been published have seen this scenario as very likely.
But don’t worry chicken fuckers, it’s just mother earth trimming the population a bit. Snip Snip.
“Doctor” Tim:
Then why do New Scentist and Scientific American call it H5N1?
Excuse me if I don’t find false claims to credentials amusing.
Sorry, y’all:
fergot this link
<a href=”http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=26428″ target=”_blank”>H2N2</a>
sort of ironic that the enlightenment of the 60’s has led to the people and chicken’s paradise of VN since the people are too poor to get their own place. our ‘karmic’ reward, death from bird flu. where are those soldiers we spit on when we need them and what should the fellow that put the flower in the rifle barrel at the pentagon do now?
I agree with Matt M – what are the lay folk around here supposed to do about it? Pull their kids out of school, stop going into work? What?
With other natural disasters, you can take steps to mitigate the effects; same with this. But ultimately, nature will take its course.
I’m not saying it won’t suck, or that it won’t present a monumental challenge to humanity. It will most definitely suck. But I also can’t imagine it having the kind of impact on America that it would on, say, China or India or other developing country in which public health hasn’t done nearly enough to keep up with burgeoning societies. Places where that equillibrium is off will suffer most. But then I might be suffering from a lack of imagination.
In any case, from what I can tell, a pandemic is likely to occur before we can do anything on the scale needed to prevent or ameliorate it. Kinda like deciding to shore up the NO levees when Katrina crossed over southern Florida.
Steve is correct. Unfortunately we can rule out a proactive government; so the best we can hope for is a fast reactive government. Yikes!