Here’s a birthday haiku written especially for you, dear son:
Sure, you owe over
A hundred grand. But not
if the country folds!
Happy birthday, buddy. Enjoy the cake, the Bowie Knife, and the kiddie crossbow!
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What, no firearms yet?
Happy birthday and a half, young master Goldstein II.
Yes, a Very Happy Birthday Master Goldstein.
May we not let you down.
Though even if it folds, and assuming there are any left by that point, he gets to have Marines with new hats.
Wrong thread, but further emasculation of the military.
Happy 1.5, junior Goldstein. I’m counting on you. There are bills to be paid.
Happy Birthday, Tanner!
Expect a visit from the CPS shortly!
You haven’t caught Tanner crawling down the hall with the knife between his teeth and the crossbow on his back yet, have you? Make sure Mom keeps her make-up out of the way so he can’t do any war-paint.
have some chinese tonight you little debtor
A year and a half already? Time flies when everything is going to hell in a handbasket.
So, how’s his aim?
Happy birthday, little dude.
Gird your loins against some future Chinese government that takes a “bitch best have my money” attitude (nah, probably not a serious threat. “China” would likely fall apart just as it has, what, dozens of times before).
Happy birthday!
Tell mom & dad it’s time to get to work on a little sister…
My Dad never celebrated half birthdays. Or bought me a crossbow. On the other hand, when I was two he introduced me to sliced pepperoni on pizza.
Half-birthdays are significant milestones, especially the 18- and 30-month ones. When one gets above the 48-month plateau, those monthly numbers quickly get large enough to scare nearby adults, who frighten easily when larger numbers are associated with ages. Especially their own…
Happy 1.5, Tanner!
Yep, a few short months make a big difference at that age.
Maybe we should start celebrating birthdays on a log2 scale. 1 — conventional second, 2 — conventional fourth, 3 – conventional eighth…. 8 — conventional 64th.
Flappy birds day, Buddy. He said, folding, not me.
The arrows with suckers are ace because they stick on windows and mirrors and cars and foreheads and such. And eventually when the suckers fail, you can pull off the suckers and rub the sticks on the sidewalk like a pencil sharpener so with points they stick in a broader assortment of things.
Sounds like John Connor will have some competition.
Be strong, Tanner, and know that your father is doing his best.
Young man, do you have any idea how many freeloaders you’re going to have to carry throughout your working life?
NOW GET OFF YOUR TINY ASS AND GET A JOB!