UC Berkeley engineer and Bay Area activist Rick Sterling saw fit to drop one of his op-eds into my comments, presumably because—as a self-styled “activist”—he’s deluded himself into thinking his sentiments are so damn important that they simply must be shoehorned into the most inappropriate of venues. Why, it’s an instance of heroic cyber confrontation, is what it is!— it’s SPEAKING TRUTH TO POWER!
So here it is, in all it’s glory: “Let’s Pie Paul Wolfowitz: Assassination? There’s a More Effective Way to ‘Take Someone Out,’” from Tuesday’s Daily Cal (with helpful glosses provided by yours truly):
If Paul Wolfowitz thinks his enemies are trying to assassinate him, I think we really ought to go ahead and do it. This man is a terrific danger. We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability.
”NEOCON! KILL! Yeeeeeaaaaarrrrrggggh!”
I would have thought it illegal to make a statement calling for the assassination of someone. However we have seen that it is not. On a television show with hundreds of thousands of viewers, “700 Club†Reverend Pat Robertson issued a threat identical to the above except it was against the democratically elected President of Venezuela. In response to the embarrassment, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld dismissed the issue by saying, “Private citizens say all kinds of things all the time.†No charges have been laid against Robertson so evidently it is not illegal.
Rick is not really surprised; after all, he’s an “activist,” and were we talking about the free speech protections of, say, a member of the Weather Underground, or an ecoterrorist like Rodney Coronado, who routinely teaches bomb making on college campuses (and is a paid consultant to groups like PETA)—and not some loathsome rightwing Christian Christfetishist who preaches to a bunch of heavyset red staters growing fat on macaroni-and-canned-pea casserole eaten in front of the teevee—Rick would be the first to slide into his protest Birks and load up on the bottled water, ready for a long march to wherever it is Berkeley engineers march to these days in order to protect the free speech of terrorist chic demi-celebs.
Because, you see, it’s all about the target.
It is tempting to call for the assassination of Paul Wolfowitz. More than any other single individual, he is responsible for the deaths of nearly two thousand US troops and over one hundred thousand innocent Iraquis [sic].
Moreso even than Bushitler? Or Rummy? I find that hard to believe. Although, now that you mention it, he is a friend of Israel, Wolfowitz is. And weren’t there, like, a whole mess of Jews who didn’t show up to the Towers on 911? Telling, that…
But what about Saddam, if you don’t mind my asking? What’s his culpability in the death of innocent Iraqis, Rick? I mean, sure—Wolfowitz, being a “neocon,” clearly has to go (and personally, I think it’s time we take out Richard Perle and Bill Kristol, too)—but I’ve got to ask: where’s your op-ed about Saddam’s murderous regime? Not that I’m judging you, you understand: I recognize the need to remove certain inconvenient bits of context from a narrative in order to strengthen a rhetorical point. But I was just kinda curious. Perhaps we can come back to that later?
Oh, and nevermind that the 100,000 number has been debunked time and again—I applaud you for your determination to assert it anyway! After all, what are “facts” but hegemonic constructs inserted into the oppressor’s genealogy in order to “suggest” a carefully shaped, “cumulative” narrative that is no more “true” than any other, right?
FIGHT THE (FACTUAL, pre-Nietzchean) POWERS!
He and his policies have undermined international peace and security, squandered billions of dollars needed for health and education, and generally caused international opinion to increasingly view the United States as a rogue state. His death would seem to be a measure of justice.
Now you’re ROLLING, Rick. Sure, this whole bit begs the question—after all, your argument, once we clear away the brilliant ironic flourishes and dazzling satire, is that Wolfowitz needs to be brought to justice for doing things that you’ve decided are unjust—but anybody who points out circular logic is buying into the kind of horizontal and patriarchal thinking used by the Man to keep us down.
However, I don’t want to do that. For one thing, I don’t believe in the death penalty. For another, it would give an excuse to those who want to take away our freedoms at home. They would exploit the assassination of Paul Wolfowitz to ratchet repression against those opposing their policies.
Translation: “Were I to assassinate Wolfowitz, The Man, sneaky fascist fuck that he is, would just use it as an excuse to crack down on our freedom to assassinate others—which, let’s face it, I can’t have that on my conscience.”
Besides. I don’t know how to shoot a gun. Or defend myself in any way, really. So, y’know, it could get ugly. Unfortunately, I’m what they call a bleeder…
A good old-fashioned knee-capping of Paul Wolfowitz would seem appropriate, sending a message to those of his ilk that they are not immune from all the pain they are causing. However, that too would probably be counter-productive. The same repression would be unleashed and I am sure Fox T.V. would have lots of sympathetic portrayals of the courageous chicken-hawk.
Translation: “Breaking the Jew’s kneecaps with a pipe would be thrilling, sure: but again, were we to break the Jew’s kneecaps, pretty soon the streets would run, uh, viscous, is it?—with the knee cap fluid of all my revolutionary brothers, whom the Pigs would surely punish in kind. Just like they do know when they catch child molesters and rape them right there on the streets with a Tonka Truck or the sharpened paw of a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll.
Barbarians.
Oh. Have I disdainly mentioned “chickenhawk” and “Fox News” yet? Because if not, “chickenhawk” and “Fox News,” snarl snarl smarm smarm blah blah blah…
Instead how about this: a good old-fashioned pie or tomato in the face? If one can call for the assassination of someone with impunity, what risk is there in calling for the pie-ing of someone? So let it be said: “If Paul Wolfowitz thinks someone is out to pie him, I think we really ought to do it. This man is a terrific danger. We have the ability to pie him and I think the time has come to exercise that ability.â€Â
”Forget for the moment that Wolfowitz didn’t call for the the assassination of anyone. He’s just the first Jew Neocon that popped into my head. No, the point of all this is the beautiful irony I’ve introduced by replacing Hugo Chavez—a macho, charismatic, and freely elected champion of socialism and human rights—with, well, a nebishy neocon who just wants to kill brown people so that Israel can have, er, something that they really really want (still fuzzy on the particulars, but it has something to do with the World Bank and Jerusalem)—and is willing to subvert the good name of his “adopted” country, the US, in order to achieve that goal. Luckily, this “neocon” is able to control all those above him—puppets without agency, the lot of them—in keeping with the Protocols laid out by the Elders and signed in blood at an Illuminati ritual led by the astral-gathered shades of Alistair Crowley, Robert Anton Wilson, Jackie Mason, and &tc,.
“The only problem with my plan is that I throw like a fucking girl. But there has to be some lefty out there who played ball, right? Or at the very least, a transplanted Palestinian who’s good with a rock?
“Hello?
“DAMN FASCIST REAGAN-ERA GYM TEACHERS, HOW YOU STILL HAUNT ME TO THIS DAY…!”
I suggest that John Bolton to the list of good targets. He is part and parcel of the Wolfowitz gang that has hijacked U.S. foreign policy, destroyed so much and killed so many innocent or well-meaning people. A pie in the faceâ€â€hopefully well-publicizedâ€â€would underscore the truth that he does not represent the best of America … only the worst.
Which is no small achievement on Bolton’s part, I must admit, his being UN Ambassador for all of three weeks now.
Incidentally, try to gloss over the conflation of “innocent” with “well-meaning.” Because if you don’t, you start wondering if the jihadis fit into that latter category (after all, if you’re a fundamentalist Islamist, who is more “well-meaning” than those fighting to beat back encroaching Western decadence in order to reestablish Allah’s will on earth?)—and that forces you to make all sorts of arguments you’d rather not have to make.
The wingnuts, they can be such sticklers…
Send comments to
Indeed. Or else leave them right here in the comments.
This time, at least, they belong.
What happened to good ole Lefty pacifism?
They would exploit the assassination of Paul Wolfowitz to ratchet repression against those opposing their policies.
Ratchet? Is Rick suggesting that repression is currently going on, that would be RATCHETED by his death? Proof?
Dickhead.
Make that, paranoid dickhead.
I like how he ultimately dismisses the idea of assassinating or assaulting American officials solely on the grounds of practicality. No wait, not “like”, what’s the phrase, “am disgusted by”.
Ah, the left. So peaceful. So tolerant. So welcoming of diversity.
TW: Students. Just too damn easy.
This guy is giving us engineers a bad rep. I wouldn’t trust this guy to design a 2×4. I’m glad I chose Notre Dame’s Engineering school over Berkeley’s.
“UC Berkeley engineer”
I think he left out “sanitation” in there, probably just an oversite.
…for thuggish, brutal dictators and the terrorist agents they support.
Yeah! That money was earmarked to be squandered by the NEA and socialized medicine programs! Dirty fascist Neocon bastard!!
That is a grave concern. Because after all, international opinion and a quarter will get you a handful of Skittles from a gumball machine.
Saint CINDY! of the Cosmic Spark of Speaking Truth to Power said so, and you dare not question Her. BECAUSE OF THE ABSOLUTE MORAL AUTHORITY!!!
Me, you don’t want me engineering a 2×4 either. I always thought a 2×4 would, you know, actually be 2 inches by 4 inches…. It appears I expect an extra half inch too much.
Funny how after all the blather about “assasination”, this clown’s plan for “direct action” is a pie to the face.
A pie. To the face.
When this is the level of “discourse” that the left has sunk to, well, doesn’t that tell us volumes about their self-evident intellectual and moral bankruptcy?
Silly little hippies. Power is for the grown-ups.
Fred:
Well, they ain’t throwing their feces…yet.
But just wait….
Fred took the words out of my mouth: What kind of wuss goes around throwing pies? That’s not something conducive to change, but it is somewhat conducive to getting your lily-white schoolboy ass kicked in. I mean, at least where I’m from anyways. Just sayin…
“the democratically elected President of Venezuela”
The only other people I’ve seen say that with a straight face is Jimmy Carter and Fidel Castro. Well, and maybe Gregoire supporters in Washington.
I’m feeling that, shank. With both hands.
They would exploit the assassination of Paul Wolfowitz to ratchet repression against those opposing their policies.
I just knew the oppressors were operating at less than full capacity! Who needs an excuse, let’s ratchet up the oppression now.
Pocketa-pocketa! The Secret Life of Rick Sterling, sitting around his apartment in his tie-dye t-shirt, dreaming through cannabis vapors about assassinating the president of the World Bank.
Wake up, Rick. Time to take your medicine.
I am 99% sure this is Rick’s email address:
Looks like he spent some time in Anarctica.
The Daily Cal, guys.
In other words: monkeys at typewriters.
I’m sure he means Fox News, but whatever.
Rick’s diatribe works so much better if you picture him as one of those scooping muck into a basket whilst talking politics to Arthur in The Holy Grail.
A pie in the faceâ€â€hopefully well-publicizedâ€â€would underscore the truth that he does not represent the best of America … only the worst.
If throwing a pie already puts you in the pantheon of the ‘best of America’, one can only imagine what more audacious attacks upon short over-60 politicians qualify you for.
Pantsing the guy? They’ll be naming bridges after you in 100 years.
Atomic wedgie? Instant canonization.
How about a good noogie? That should be worth at least a quick handjob by a supermodel.
Strange that Rick Sterling hasn’t shown up in this comment section yet….hmmm….
Its a damn shame that Katrina didn’t hit a more deserving target- like Berkely.
“We will stay afloat on the inflated scrotums of our townsfolk !!!!!!”*
*For more on inflated scrotums, see LFG’s Zombie’’s webpage.
Hole: Rick Stirling? Opprotunistic wanker. That topic was all about ME. bastard.
I expected nothing less from a pack of neanderthals. You people will never understand. I’m an Engineer! At Berkeley!
Someday you will all be pied!
Rick Sterling
Engineer
UC Berkeley
Jeff,
How dare you stifle his free speech?!?!?!?!?!
In my opinion, the absolute funniest part of that predictable, inane screed is that he thinks it’s profound, insightful and original.
It’s really too bad that he’s cribbing from somebody else’s notes. At least he’s not advocating throwing shoes.
I’m not a man prone to violence, Jeff, so how about I “take your Neocon ass out” by having a naughty panty model tickle you with a feather duster while I force SoCo and lime shots down your gullet? It might even be crueler punishment if she’s topless and you can’t touch her; by God, even I am not THAT heartless. I mean, really, you evil neocons are pretty decent guys and gals after a few belts of booze.
But you’re picking up the tab, you evil fascist, you.
Seriously: calling for violence against a fellow American citizen is, regardless of one’s political leanings, really fucking stupid.
I might disagree with Wolfowitz, even vehemently, but I wish him no personal harm. We must never forget who our (hint: America’s) real enemies are, and hippie-dippies and neocon technocrats are NOT on that list. Even if we feel a serious temptation to bitch-slap the former and dropkick the latter, it’s unwise to express such feelings, let alone act on them.
Then maybe we all–left, right, neocons, hippies, whatever–can share a few drinks and agree that terrorist cocksuckers (and their enablers) flying jet planes into American buildings deserve to die. Plus any other cocksucker who wishes to do harm to America or Americans derserves an equal fate. Perhaps we’ll toss a pie or two at their bloody corpses too–but that would be uncivilized.
Sterling is grilling our bellies in hell as we speak. Don’t forget the Accent, Rick. Great for tenderizing the meat.
Not to mention a waste of good pie.
……….and Lord, I’m feeling that there is a lonely man……Rick or a Dick……Stuebing or Starling…..
He’s lonely and afraid Lord.
Father we just ask that You smite him as soon as it’s convenient.
In Your Name we pray,
Pat Robertson
When I was an Assistant Stae’s Attorney prosecuting child molesters, I used to wish things like that could happen…
That one had me fighting giggles so long my boss came over to make sure I was alright.
Sharp: Engineers don’t use lumber.
Carpenters do. And carpenters know the difference between rough and finished lumber. (As do Civil Engineers, I suppose.)
(Or, as some people call them, “wood butchers”.)
Why do I suspect that Ricky couldn’t even wrestle a pie away from these guys, <a href=”http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/pie.htmhttp://” target=”_blank”> much less hit anything with it.
That would be: http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/pie.htm
Pie!
Jeff, you’re a riot. I’d walk a good six or seven feet, across frayed indoor-outdoor carpeting, barefoot, just to read your posts.
You obviously enjoy writing, and I enjoy reading it. Keep it up. Thanks.
Spamword: zipper.
Need I really say anything?
Wowie Zowie!
Another seething leftie elevating the discourse, yet again.
Jeff, great post, great site.
Why are we paying any attention to a guy who has spent all that time in college just to learn how to drive a train?
…but how exactly does this “pie plan” free Mumia?
Just happened to find this site by accident. Bee-Yoo-Ti-Ful!
Jeff (and posters), please keep it up. It’s about time I found others who seem to know instinctively that we are actually dealing with the army of the eighth grade. I have thought for many years that those on the left were playing hookey when the sense of humor genes were passed out, and were given hubris genes for the make-up.
This place is hilarious. Thanks, all. I’ll be back
Rick’s diatribe works so much better if you picture him as one of those scooping muck into a basket whilst talking politics to Arthur in The Holy Grail.
LOL, Defense Guy—
Rick the Engineer = Dennis the Peasant