And here I thought Heaven was kinda sad and wannabe sordid.
I mean, Bro. That robe. And your coloring. I was never a doctor — and Lord knows I’m not studying medicine up here, save for the little bit of chemistry I’ve been dabbling in after watching a “Breaking Bad” marathon and then scoring that Bunsen Burner off of River Phoenix in exchange for some sandals and a tube of lip balm– but from the looks of things, I guess maybe I’ll be seeing you soon. Which would be cool. And of course tragic at the same time. Because of your fans and all.
Not to sound gay, but I miss you, dude.
Oh. If you wind up stroking out on X and find yourself heading this way, leave the hookers. Surprisingly, Heaven is, like, filled with them, both pros and amateurs — and I know more than a few who will take a mason jar full of Drambuie and a lude in lieu of cash to stick a pinky in your ass while giving you a handy.
Which is nice, if you can get past how bored they sometimes seem to look.
One might wonder whether the heavenly hookers look as bored as Barry ObaZm does as he pretends to attempt to take the United States to war? He’s seen and done it all though — whereas whooers can’t have spilled near as much blood — so he’s at least aright to be bored.
Corey Haim apparently has very low expectations. I guess he ended up in the heaven he thought he deserved.
Corey Haim’s heaven sounds suspiciously unheavenlike.
I’m surprised he could tell he was dead.
Admittedly if I threw myself a birthday party it would probably be like “I’m gonna order some pizza and rent a projector and show Robocop on the wall.” Which is its own sort of sad. Corey is running a quasi-brothel. I’m too cheap to spring for real movie tickets.
Corey Haim my have ended up in Portland instead of heaven.
I’m gonna be a dick and say that Corey Feldman needs a kindly wiser older man to take him fishing, and maybe riding around in a winnebago to a national park or two. Even if chronologically that kindly wiser older man happens to be five or six years younger than him.
If he’s got cash to burn why didn’t he get hotter strippers…? The local Déjà Vu girls put his to shame.. and they even pretend not to be bored.. Just sayin..
Corey Feldman responds to the haters.
If Corey Haim was alive today he would TOTALLY have a robe like that. And probably hair plugs. He might know better than to do the arm band and biker gloves though. At least with a camera around.
Corey Feldman is taking the high road and not claiming to have tiger blood or be a warlock vatican assassin from mars thing.
I think maybe Sean Astin needs to be that older man who takes him on the fishing trip. “You don’t need all that tacky shit Corey. Just look at that sunset. Smell that perch cooking on the coleman stove. Find yourself. Just soak in all this wonder and think about where you want to go from here. Maybe I can get you bit part in the next Hobbit thing. What do you say?”
If Corey Haim were alive today he wouldn’t know if he was wearing an arm band and biker gloves.
He would totally be wearing that Mardi Gras mask, though.
Do you suppose the photographer only took those pictures because he was afraid that the Coreyans would boycott his business and all of his suppliers if he didn’t?
It’s like they threw a Martha Stewart house party themed on the black mass and the devil didn’t show up because of the LA traffic traffic and he has to get up early tomorrow anyway.
Soon Anthony Wiener will be pestering Corey to be roomies so he can get a slice of that wild side high life thing over there. With the spilches and the glaaaaavin…
Any photog worth his/her focusing ring will try to make a client look better than they do, unless they can’t. This one didn’t have much to work with; plus, Feldman and his angel-skanks weren’t his clients.
But his client is happy, so there’s that. Hours spent in post production? Zero!
drambuie has 106 calories per shot whereas vodka only has 64
advantage: vodka