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Climate change and human exhalation pollution: is there anything it can’t do?

Latest study says climate change — the warming part of it, though, not the cooling part, which is caused by the warming part, or else vice versa (please, stop getting caught up in the details, anti-science denialists; it’s very technical and you, with your god and your guns and your racism wouldn’t understand the nuances of the calculations involved) — can cause wars.

— Which, if you think about it, is factually unassailable: wars occur between people, and people produce the very CO2 that is poisoning the earth, leading to warming (and the cooling caused by warming; or vice versa. SHUT UP, RACISTS!). Therefore, or ergo, CO2, produced by humans, is tied to human activity, including wars.

QED.

Of course, it’s also tied, by that same logic, to innovation, cures for disease, charity, kindness, and the invention of noble, necessary theories calling for the regulation of human exhalation.

But again, that’s just a sophistic distraction, pointing that out. Because be quiet, you bitterclinging denialists, with your metaphysical crutches.

Man can and must control the environment. Even if that means breathing and polluting while doing so. Because there’s a remedy: get rid of the bad kind of people so that the good kind can go on breathing for the sake of helping the planet escape human poison.

And of course, avoid wars.

18 Replies to “Climate change and human exhalation pollution: is there anything it can’t do?”

  1. cranky-d says:

    I agree completely. This position is unassailable.

    Way to go, progtards!

  2. sdferr says:

    Heh. An older study claims that warmer climate causes polygamy (among other debilitating immoralities), or domestic slavery, whichever. But then, those relations have always been at a contesting war of a sort, even in the cooler climes.

  3. cranky-d says:

    And here I thought a warmer climate meant more arable land and more food and more critters walking the earth.

    Silly me.

  4. geoffb says:

    Obama’s EPA and other agencies/departments seem to be doing everything they can to help Mark Levin sell the idea that his “Liberty Amendments” are desperately required.

  5. cranky-d says:

    You know, like it was 100 million years ago, when the CO2 concentration in the atmosphere was much higher and a much larger portion of the earth had a tropical climate and dinosaurs were frigging everywhere.

    All those critters wandering around is not how Gaia intended it. Unless she did.

  6. geoffb says:

    You’d think all those vegans would like to see more plants growing.

  7. McGehee says:

    When the globe gets warmer, college coeds wear skimpier bikinis.

    When college coeds wear skimpier bikinis, your wife’s body image suffers.

    When your wife’s body image suffers, she cuts her hair and becomes a flannel-wearing bulldyke.

    When your wife cuts her hair and becomes a flannel-wearing bulldyke, your friends make fun of you.

    When your friends make fun of you, you gun them down in a psychotic frenzy.

    When you gun down your friends in a psychotic frenzy, you have no one to watch football with on Sunday.

    Don’t be alone for the football game on Sunday. Stop global warming.

  8. palaeomerus says:

    We’ll grow oranges in Wisconsin! It’ll be great! The only downside is the four inch long mosquitos and the soldier ants moving into territory formerly denied them..

  9. Ernst Schreiber says:

    More coeds walking around in skimpier bikinis?

    I think I’ll take my chances with the flannel-wearing bulldyke thing.

    Because more coeds in skimpier bikinis.

  10. palaeomerus says:

    I haven’t liked bikinis since the tattoo thing took off.

  11. mondamay says:

    palaeomerus says August 16, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    I’ll give you an “amen!”.

    Tattoos have always struck me as a rite of passage thing for a negative event. You go to war; you get a tattoo. You go to prison; you get a tattoo.

  12. cranky-d says:

    There is nothing hotter than a woman with a full sleeve tattoo*.

    *except for one with no visible tattoos

  13. bgbear says:

    Since the biomass of ants alone outweigh all of us, our pets, and our agricultural animals, I decided a long time ago that human impact on c02 production must be hooey.

    I am pretty sure we are outweighed, biomass-wise, by bats too.

  14. mondamay says:

    cranky-d says August 16, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    There is nothing hotter than a woman with a full sleeve tattoo*.

    You mean like this? Only $4.99.

  15. cranky-d says:

    Pretty much like that, but I was referring to the kind that cannot be easily removed.

    Clarification is likely not required, but I really dislike them and am immediately turned off.

  16. leigh says:

    My daddy always says: “Sailors have tattoos. Truck drivers have tattoos. Whores have tattoos.”

    That pretty much covered it, I figured.

  17. SDN says:

    Leigh, they’re called tramp stamps for a reason….

  18. leigh says:

    Yes they are, indeed.

Comments are closed.