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Good news! Your enormous carbon footprint is the only thing saving the world!

Me, I drive a pair of Jeeps these days, an inline 6-cylinder ’94 Wrangler Sahara that gets about 14-20 MPG, and a V8 Jeep Grand Cherokee Trailhook that has a tow-capacity of 7400 lbs and logs in 13-22 MPG — and I use a gasoline mower and other gasoline powered tools, as well as pamper with extravagant and delicious CO2 buffets the 5 trees on my property, whose consequent oxygen production fuels even more human exhalation — which makes me something of an environmental hero.  An earth warrior!  A goddamn saint of the glorious blue-green orb that houses our (for the most part) semi-perambulatory parasitic meatsacks!

Honestly, someone should build a frickin’ statue to me.  With smelted ore.  Heated by dirty coal.

Because I am making life possible.  Extending it on this planet, in fact.   Unlike the greedy, sanctimonious assholes whose subsidized electric vehicles are not only a net negative for the environment, but they’re far less safe, to boot.  Which in thes short run means more dead children.  And more dead elderly.  Some of them likely orphans.  With autism.

And in the long run?  The extinction of humans.

So then.  Not to sound too preachy, but our earth-saving mission — we of the giant carbon footprints, the modern fighting force for humanity’s prolonged survival — requires a kind of in-your-face activism.  Opponents of earth-saving green houses gases — carbon in particular — should therefore be mocked, ridiculed, ostracized, condemned.  And to do that, we need a label to tag them with — as one might tag an ancient, tiny-brained alligator gar — so that we can study their peculiarly de-evolutionized behaviors even as we readily identify their dangerous social and ecological ignorance.

And I think I’ve come up with such a name:  carbon deniers.

I’d say we should sew to the sleeves of their trendy hemp shirts a little earth patch encircled by a bold red line and containing a red line through the center, but unfortunately, that kind of behavior, though probably appropriate when dealing with such carriers of human plague, is rather…historically fraught.

And I’m just not that tacky or insensitive a fellow.

(h/t Mark Levin)

21 Replies to “Good news! Your enormous carbon footprint is the only thing saving the world!”

  1. Shermlaw says:

    Every time I hear someone pontificating about renewable energy, I ask him why he’s so anti-science? I then point him to this article which demonstrates that it’s physics which precludes us from using things like wind or sunlight to meet our energy needs. Unfortunately, the useful idiots will continue to go along with the fraud of “green” energy/global climate change until there is no liberty left.

    BTW, add an to your heroism copious use of charcoal to grill steaks. There’s a bonus, as it pisses off PETA, as well.

  2. cranky-d says:

    It would take an enormous amount of the surface area of the earth being covered in some kind of “solar energy” system to even come close to generating enough power. The energy density of the light from the sun is just not high enough.

    Wood, coal, oil, and nuclear energy sources represent more and more dense sources of energy. None of them could be replaced by an effing solar panel, which in any case takes more energy to produce than it captures in its lifetime.

    I want to tack on “physics deniers” to the “carbon deniers” moniker. Let them own their ignorance.

  3. Shermlaw says:

    Cranky, to get enough energy via solar or wind alternatives for US consumption would require the use of the entire continental US west of the Mississippi River. The article in my first comment sets it out brilliantly. The “greenies” seem to be continuing the search for perpetual motion.

  4. JimK says:

    I all in favor of solar energy, once it’s been captured by trees and other plants. Makes for good BBQ.

  5. geoffb says:

    But, but, Science!

    The president packed last week’s big climate speech with calls to heed scientists’ warnings, a strong attack on climate skeptics, and full-throated claims that the planetary stakes are immense.

    “I refuse to condemn your generation and future generations to a planet that’s beyond fixing,” he said at Georgetown University.

    Obama spoke of the economic and human toll of extreme weather events like big storms, floods, wildfires and droughts.

    “Those who are already feeling the effects of climate change don’t have time to deny it – they’re busy dealing with it,” he said.
    […]
    Now Obama’s not running for reelection, the economy is sluggish but improving, and several high-profile natural disasters – including Hurricane Sandy – have thrust climate into the spotlight, at least periodically.

    With no hope for a major bill, Obama is taking an array of steps that don’t require congressional approval, including Environmental Protection Agency regulations.

    “Speaking directly about the need to fight climate change goes hand in hand with putting a strong regulatory approach first. As a second-term president who knows the GOP House will not legislate on carbon control issues, Obama and his people are now speaking mainly to and for environmentalists,” said Theda Skocpol, a Harvard government and sociology professor.

    “And they have their eye on the judgment of history, rather than the judgment of the mass electorate,” adds Skocpol, who has written widely [pdf] on the politics of global warming.

    Matthew Nisbet, an associate professor of communication at American University who also analyzes the climate movement, said the White House is “fitting a message to new conditions and a new audience.”
    […]
    “Now they are looking to appeal to their activist base and moderate voters during a time of extreme weather and dangerous climate impacts, hence a different message strategy,” he said.

    Science! Fortified by scholarly activism aimed at executive actions and messaging massaging to make that medicine go down smooth.

  6. Ernst Schreiber says:

    ha-rumph!

  7. cranky-d says:

    I just read the article, Shermlaw. It should be required reading for all lefties. They supposedly like science, right?

    I knew a lefty once. We were watching a movie in which there were tanks that had a solar panel on them for some reason. He actually believed that if solar panels got “good enough” it would be possible to power a tank with one. I tried to disabuse him of this notion, but was likely unsuccessful.

    They believe what they want to believe.

  8. Ernst Schreiber says:

    The “greenies” seem to be continuing the search for perpetual motion.

    Well, we all know what the eternally youthful Robert F. Kennedy would say about that pipe dream, don’t we? Heroic, I say.

    Science!

    Not just Science!, but Forward! Science!

    What’s needed here is Leadership!

  9. dicentra says:

    Hey Jeff: Your name is being used in vain over at Ricochet.

  10. bgbear says:

    Environmentalist endorse wind and solar precisely for the reason that they know it is impractical to meet current energy needs. Endorsing alt energy gives them cover for the misanthropes they actually are (or socialists/communists/marxists they actually are).

    If solar produced as much energy as hydroelectric, they would hate it too.

  11. cranky-d says:

    You wrote an admirable response, dicentra.

  12. dicentra says:

    You wrote an admirable response, dicentra.

    With the 200-word limit on comments, including quotations.

    Cripes, it’s worse than Twitter.

  13. Shermlaw says:

    bgbear, you are correct. There are the true believer greens whose fantasies include eliminating 90% of the human population and living like aborigines, the useful idiots whose environmental consciousness is based upon repeated viewings of Bambi when they were impressionable six-year-olds, and the politicians who will gladly use the first two groups to acquire more political power while still enjoying first class flights to Davos. A pox on all their houses.

  14. Sigivald says:

    Me, I drive a pair of Jeeps these days, an inline 6-cylinder ’94 Wrangler Sahara that gets about 14-20 MPG, and a V8 Jeep Grand Cherokee Trailhook that has a tow-capacity of 7400 lbs and logs in 13-22 MPG

    Piker.

    My F-250 gets 12.5 on a good day.

  15. You know what they say about men who have an ‘enormous carbon footprint’…

  16. leigh says:

    They’re chick magnets, Bob?

  17. geoffb says:

    You know what they say about men who have an ‘enormous carbon footprint’… –

    They’re chick magnets, Bob?

    Two words on that.

    Al Gore.

  18. leigh says:

    Oh ick!

  19. Let me just say three words: ‘large hockey stick’, IYKWIMAITYD.

  20. Yackums says:

    It would take an enormous amount of the surface area of the earth being covered in some kind of “solar energy” system to even come close to generating enough power. The energy density of the light from the sun is just not high enough.

    “ONE-POINT-TWENTY-ONE GIGAWATTS!!!!!”

  21. […] GOOD NEWS! Your enormous carbon footprint is the only thing saving the world! … […]

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