A popular colloquial phrase that detailis a specific plan of bodily action (a phrase generally shared among friends but at times used before acquaintances as a way to ingratiate oneself or signal one’s manly bona fides) — specifically, “I’ve gotta go take a shit / crap / dump / squat” (or some variation thereof) — shall henceforth be referred to as “pinching off a Hickenlooper.”
This revised phrase will serve as an apt description of both the action and its end product, while simultaneously acting as a “dog whistle” to those sympathetic to the 2nd Amendment in CO.
And no, it hasn’t yet taken off. But give it time.
How do you know he’s a king?
He ain’t got Hickenlooper all over ‘im.
Calypso, revised:
“Quietly he read, restraining himself, the first column and, yielding but resisting, began the second. Midway, his last resistance yielding, he allowed his bowels to ease themselves quietly as he read, reading still patiently, that slight constipation of yesterday quite gone. Hope it’s not too big bring on piles again. No, just right. So. Ah! One fine Hickenlooper. Costive one tabloid of cascara sagrada. Life might be so. It did not move or touch him but it was something quick and neat. Print anything now. Silly season. He read on, seated calm above his own rising smell. Neat certainly. Matcham often thinks of the master-stroke by which he won the laughing witch who now. Begins and ends morally. Hand in hand. Smart. He glanced back through what he had read and, while feeling his water flow quietly, he envied kindly Mr Beaufoy who had written it and received payment of three pounds thirteen and six.”
Let’s Get Him! The gloves are off, and every legal option’s on the table.
I think he’ll trip over his own shoelaces, like Dianne Feinstein just did, if we force him to evade some well-aimed spit-balls.
Spit-Ball EX1. Use unverifiable “sources” and media privileges that protect “sources” to slander the desired target.
HEADLINE: “Did Hickenlooper ‘Kill’ Young Gay Classmate? Answers Sought.”
STORY: “Sources tell me that Hickenlooper hazed an effeminate classmate during PE class in gradeschool. Word is, Hickenlooper pulled the boy’s pants down and gave him a wedgie in front of an audience of pre-teen girls outside the girl’s locker room. The boy is not available to corroborate the allegations – he committed suicide at age 13, less than three years after the “incident.””
Attempts to reach the boy’s parents were unsuccessful. Their attorney Gloria Allred pressed for respect for the family’s pain and continued mourning. “There’s been a lot of water under the bridge since Seth took his life, let’s not pick at a healed wound,” Allred counseled PW’s journalist.
EX 2, anyone?
The two finalists for the new school mascot are:
a giant Bloomberg
or
a Hickenlooper sandwich
the choice is up to you!
I had some bad sushi the other night and had some rancid Debbie Wasserman-Schulz. Hopefully today I can manage a decent Hickenlooper.
So that’s where WasserschultermanSchwarz went! Fileted and put on ice!
Watch out for the oily discharge, Darth.
At least it wasn’t explosive Biden, Darth.
I’d have been here earlier, but I was busy dropping off my Senators in Washington.
some fresh steaming hickenlooper
AUDIO: What’s $1 billion worth? A coin flip according to Colorado’s Evie Hudak.
The elusive double curl shall henceforth be known as a “double Hickenlooper”.
Anyone else wonder if Wasserman-Positive might perhaps be the biological mother of that assaulty chick from the other day?
All this talk of scheisse. Y’all sound like Martin Luther. Or Sigmund Freud.
I thought we were talking politicians…..
Tomato. To-mahto.