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Racist hair

Yes, that’s right. Racist hair. Oppressive, colonialist, inauthentic hair. Hair that is in and of itself a political statement, a badge of ethnic resistance against the Powers That Be — one being diluted by carpetbagging imperialists who presume to insinuate themselves into the culture of the Other, to normalize the resistance such hair represents by the force of casual colonization and ultimately, assimilation.

It is the tyranny of the racially and ethnically unsanctioned coif. And it must be snuffed out. With prejudice, if necessary. Because one cannot be tolerant without expressing her intolerance with intolerance — and neo-colonialist hair is a direct metaphorical assault on the identity and authenticity of the Other, and so cannot be tolerated.

For the tolerance.

Reached for comment, Art Garfunkle — and any number of Jews who sported Isros in the 70s, for that matter — apologized for any offense they may have caused eg., Oscar Gamble or Jim Kelly — though they did add that “in our defense, it just kind of grew that way, man.”

37 Replies to “Racist hair”

  1. happyfeet says:

    dreads are nasty i don’t care who you are

  2. Silver Whistle says:

    And can I claim exclusive rights to the cue ball style? Or would that be colonial and oppressive. Cos I ain’t got no hair, and I want to play too.

  3. JD says:

    The Onion will be announcing their closure this afternoon. Reality has far exceeded anything they could come up with.

  4. People without Irish blood who have full heads of hair with almost no gray in their 50s oppress me.

  5. leigh says:

    Gene Simmons is still rocking the Jewfro when he’s not in costume.

  6. Ernst Schreiber says:

    You don’t suppose Episcopal priest lady’s mental illness is white privilege, do you?

  7. Car in says:

    Michelle Obama’s hair looks awfully white, if you know what I mean.

  8. SGTTed says:

    Thinking that theres such a thing as white privilege and that whites having dreadlocks is “oppression” goes hand in hand with mental illness.

    That they cannot see the obvious racism of their creepy and crazy views is par for the course.

  9. SGTTed says:

    That entire thread was a huge loony thought parade. A self-parody on display.

  10. leigh says:

    Carin, Michelle’s wighat is made from the hair of poverty stricken Indian girls in the Asian sub-continent. She’s an oppressor.

    Nicki Minaj, Beyoncé, and all those other blonde and weaved black girls are race traitors, too.

  11. DarthLevin says:

    My (increasingly gray) hair is ageist. I demand that it revert to its former lustrous honey-blond immediately or I’ll sic Rainbow PUSH on it.

  12. leigh says:

    Darth, find a good colorist. Only my hairdresser knows for sure.

  13. Robb Allen says:

    “As human society gradually solves the problems of basic survival and reduces the amount of other miseries rooted in the reality of the human condition, the fringe elements of that society feel an increasingly strong compulsion to become obsessively angry about ever more trivial causes to recapture the sense that life is a painful struggle.”

  14. JohnInFirestone says:

    Apropos Ernst, Robb, and various others on this thread:

    Brown University is helping the QLGBT community overcome their attraction to Caucasians. Because apparently even gays experience white privilege.

  15. DarthLevin says:

    Only if Obamacare covers it, leigh. It’s my RIGHT to have hair whatever damn color I want. Because Commerce clause, or something.

  16. Jeff G. says:

    Geez, John. At least give me a chance.

  17. JohnInFirestone says:

    Sorry, boss…

  18. mojo says:

    Jim Kelly!

  19. Squid says:

    Darth, find a good colorist. Only my hairdresser knows for sure.

    And don’t forget to save a batch for the snatch!

  20. leigh says:

    Heh. The cuffs match the collar, eh?

  21. John Bradley says:

    Bernie on Room 222… might as well have been a member of the KKK, walking around with hair like that!

  22. Jeff G. says:

    Karen Valentine blesses you for remembering that, John B. And now you’ve got me whistling the theme song.

    Bastard.

  23. Darleen says:

    Opening (& closing) credits

    Trivia … that opening shot of Walt Whitman High School is Los Angeles High School, prior to the earthquake damage in 1971 & a mysterious fire … the beautiful building was never restored

    To the lasting disgust of my dad, 1946 grad of LAHS.

  24. John Bradley says:

    The theme song is trying not to extensively borrow (to actionable levels) from Fool on the Hill. It doesn’t quite manage it.

  25. SBP says:

    I think Saul “Slash” Hudson may have something to say about this, as the owner of an authentic Jewfro.

  26. SBP says:

    P.S. if you don’t get enough psychosis from the first link, check this one from the comments:

    http://yourfaveisproblematic.tumblr.com/

    People who use the word “problematic” aren’t worthy of serious attention, as a rule, but can sometimes provide amusement value.

  27. fnord1 says:

    Her diatribe is the standard spittle flecked “anti-colonialist” idiocy.. The entertaining part is her concept of her identity.

    white, queer, rural-identified, able-bodied+mentally ill Episcopal priest lady,”

    The world’s dumbest Venn diagram. And hopefully the most exclusive.

    The screening process for the priesthood of the Episcopal church must be something to behold. Preferably from a great distance and through smoked glass.

  28. Pellegri says:

    Actually, just check out tumblr, period.

    I also recommend http://nastyshitwhitepeopleeat.tumblr.com for another dose of “my hatred of things along racial lines can’t be racist because white people are the dominant power everywhere on the globe”.

  29. leigh says:

    Pellegri, isn’t there a whole blog about stuff white people do or like? I can’t remember the name of it but it makes fun of stuff like ugly Christmas sweaters and various television programs.

    But it’s not racist. No siree.

  30. SBP says:

    As much as I would like to see Minnesota Vikings and Boston Celtics fans charged with hate crimes, this “cultural appropriation” crapola is going a bit too far.

  31. Ernst Schreiber says:

    Lutefisk is a crime against humanity, isn’t it?

  32. leigh says:

    That depends. Does it repel vermin or the neighbor’s cats?

  33. SBP says:

    Lutefisk is probably safe from “cultural appropriation”, though.

    Most Scandinavians won’t even eat it nowadays.

    I do know that you’re not allowed to take Norwegian surstromming on a plane, ’cause it tends to explode. They like to wait until the cans are actually bulging, dontcha know?

  34. Ernst Schreiber says:

    Is a fish taco a cultural appropriation, borrowing, amalgamation, or euphemism?

  35. John Bradley says:

    You forgot “abomination”.

  36. guinspen says:

    Now I am become hunger, destroyer of s’mores.

    *urrrp*

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