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Saturday sorbet: The Bennett Tiger Wrestler’s Open

Match 1: note the phantom “back points” given to Satchel’s opponent, who spent the majority of the match running from him. Satch wins 12-4.

Match 2: Satch wrestles defensively and tentatively; I think I freaked him out by telling him how good his opponent was, and by further telling him that I though if he wins the match he wins the tournament. On several occasions, had Satchel driven harder he would have had the takedowns that went the other way. The Brighton kid simply wanted it more today. And after the match I told Satchel that:

— which Satchel took to heart, completely dominating Match 3, and moving as quickly and aggressively as I’ve ever seen him outside practice with kids he knows. He’d wrestled this particular kid before, and so I think he was confident going in. He wins this one by pin. Unfortunately, my wife was holding the baby and hit the sleep button, so this video comes in two parts (though all you miss is the beginning of Satch’s stand-up cutaway).

Part 1:

Part 2:

Next week we head nearly two hours east to wrestle in Akron; the week after, another two hours to wrestle in Sterling. The final tournament of the season, put on by the Calhan Bulldogs, Satchel won’t be attending, because unlike every other club, the Calhan club’s representative won’t allow us to arrive at 8:30 for a tournament that begins after 9. Not even if we pay in advance. And register in advance. And call from the road to let him know we are en route. And despite our having made every other tournament.

So screw the jerk. We’ll keep our money, and he can keep his jackboots.

69 Replies to “Saturday sorbet: The Bennett Tiger Wrestler’s Open”

  1. sdferr says:

    Your “hold ‘im” in that last match put a smile on my face bro: to my ear, pure Baltimore bell-ring, that.

  2. leigh says:

    You can take the boy outta Bahlmer, you can’t take the Bahlmer outta the boy.

  3. bh says:

    Man, you must be proud, Jeff.

    Something about kids reminds me of middleweights and under in boxing or MMA. They’re just impossibly fast.

    Imagine trying to defend against someone so quick and agile.

  4. bh says:

    From about 2:45 to 3:04 in that first video Satch is just remarkably good. That reversal? Really impressive.

    I don’t know how soon it makes sense to start cross training but he’d be pretty terrifying working those transitions in jiu-jitsu.

  5. sdferr says:

    I kinda liked Satch’s instantaneous recognition and drop-in at 4:20 in the first match when Red’s left leg lagged just a bit behind, putting him momentarily out of sorts and bang, he’s down and under control.

  6. Kevin says:

    I’m fairly interested in Jeff Goldstein’s views on liberty. He’s very solid on the issue. He often flings some insight that others have missed.

    But it would be impossible for me to care less about his child. I don’t hope he wins or hope he loses these things. I just don’t care. This kind of crap should not make it onto a political blog. I wish you’d stop reporting on it, Jeff.

    That said, note that I’m persona non grata around here, and my opinions should be taken with a grain of salt.

  7. Kevin says:

    Look, I know I’m not liked around here. But think about my premise before you dismiss me. I have two kids. The youngest one kinda-sorta said ‘dada’, much to my wife’s chagrin. Haha, he said it before he said ‘mom’! I win!

    Does that interest you, Jeff? I hope not. It shouldn’t. Nothing I do with my children should interest you unless it’s some kind of creepy thing. Likewise, nothing you do with your children is interesting to anyone outside of your family (and frankly, your family is just being nice when they sound interested).

    Plus, wrestling is just a tad… I don’t want to say it…

  8. Slartibartfast says:

    Part 2: there is no part 2.

    But it would be impossible for me to care less about his child.

    Hey, I know! You could care less, if you didn’t comment about his child. That would be maximally uncaring. Try that.

    This kind of crap should not make it onto a political blog.

    Jeff’s blog is whatever Jeff wants it to be, although I am sure he’d thank you for your expert advice.

    I wish you’d stop reporting on it, Jeff.

    We all have wishes. Me, I like to say a prayer and drink to world peace.

    Look, I know I’m not liked around here.

    I have no idea who you are. But that’s just me. Truly, your personal details have no place on a political blog.

    Plus, wrestling is just a tad… I don’t want to say it…

    Clearly, you do. Why not spit it out? So to speak.

    My personal preference is that Jeff continue what he’s doing, until it gets old for him. But I completely expect that wish to be overruled by Jeff’s personal preferences.

  9. Pablo says:

    This reminds me that I need to pick up some salt.

  10. Jeff G. says:

    Part 2 added.

  11. Lord, some people have no concept of “proprietorship.” As Slart pointed out, it’s Jeff’s blog.

    There’s another blog I read that includes regular recaps of NBA games. I despise basketball. But it’s his blog, so I just skip those posts.

    Word to the wise…

  12. cranky-d says:

    Look, I know I’m not liked around here.

    That is certainly more true now than it was. Perhaps you should ask yourself why that is.

    Let me give you a hint: it’s shit like this.

  13. leigh says:

    Wrestling is an ancient sport that requires a lot of dedication and training. My son has been wrestling for years and he still isn’t a natural like Satchel.

    When showing pride in one’s child’s achievements is regarded as out of bounds, then it’s most likely because there is nothing to brag about with your own children, Kevin.

    Get lost, ‘kay?

  14. Jeff G. says:

    I deleted Kevin’s follow-up comment, because he seems to think there’s a debate to be had here. There isn’t. He just decided he needed to be a dickbag, so a big bag of dicks is what he was.

  15. LBascom says:

    Shorter Kevin: Dance monkey, dance!

    Hey Kev, how much scratch have you donated to Jeff?

  16. cranky-d says:

    Sorry if I made trouble for you, Jeff. I have a bad attitude.

  17. Kevin says:

    Ouch! Feels just like the day I was booted from lgf. I was not shocked that Johnson would delete my comments, but I am shocked that Goldstein would.

    Live and learn!

  18. bh says:

    It’s remarkable how socially retarded some people can be on the internet.

  19. LBascom says:

    Meanwhile, I’m not shocked Kevin would post a comment that needed deleting.

    Not everyone is obliged to eat your excrement you know Kevin. What’s next, crying over the 1st amendment?

  20. Pablo says:

    I can’t say that I recall any posts at LGF celebrating the achievements of CJ’s child. Charles booted a ton of people for disagreeing. You got a comment deleted for being disagreeable on a post about about Jeff’s family. Spare us your butthurt and relish your ongoing ability to be annoying here. Or, fuck off. Either way.

  21. cranky-d says:

    Apparently Kevin needs as much attention as our average lefty troll. Insecurity knows no stated politics, I guess.

  22. Jeff G. says:

    In the comment I deleted Kevin struck the victim pose: he was a brave dissenter speaking Truth to Power, giving voice to those millions of people whose browsers don’t have scroll bars and, by way of some cruel glitch in the universe, reach only my site. These are the people who are unfairly — nee, inhumanely — confronted on weekends by pics or videos of my oldest boy’s wrestling tournaments, and Kevin is their heroic champion.

    At the end of that deleted comment, he gave his version of “well, you phonies who pretend to care about Jeff’s personal life, and who will not brook my brave dissent, whereby I give voice to the voiceless, won’t have Dick Kevin Blogagog Nixon to kick around anymore,” and said goodbye.

    — And yet, it is of absolutely no surprise whatsoever that he showed back up to comment yet again — and yet again, to strike the victim pose, as if people come here to read what he has to say about what I have to say.

    His original comment was meant to provoke a reaction. So that he could then launch into lectures about what other people do on their blogs, and how that affects him and myriad others who thus far have been too cowed to speak out against such unfair aggression to their sensibilities.

    But as I said before, there’s no discussion to be had here. This is my site. And Kevin doesn’t have to read it.

    In fact, it would speak better of me if he hadn’t, because clearly he’s learned nothing from me about liberty or private property, the very cornerstones of freedom.

    Maybe it’s time for the armadillo to come back. As I recall, he began as a reaction to this very thing. That is, to another bag of dicks.

  23. Kevin says:

    “His original comment was meant to provoke a reaction.”

    It was. It did. You clearly have read the two posts by me that you deleted. I hope you read this one too when you delete it.

    Jeff, you’re a frightfully intelligent person. If we were to get into a debate, you could wipe the floor with me on any matter non-scientific/mathematical. You get the non-scientific side of things in a way that makes me extremely jealous. I don’t really care that you delete my comments. I still find your posts insightful and fascinating.

    But then you post these things about your kid, and it makes me wonder. Why on Earth does someone as smart as you think anyone cares about things your kid does other than your family? And why would you delete comments pointing out this obvious fact? It’s strange.

    Thanks for reading this rant, Mr. G. Delete away now. It was only meant for you anyway.

  24. bh says:

    What a ‘tard.

  25. leigh says:

    Took the words right out of my keyboard, bh.

  26. Why on Earth does someone as smart as you think anyone cares about things your kid does other than your family?

    Because we all maliciously pretend to, for the sole purpose of encouraging him to continue doing so.

    And we would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for your meddling.

  27. LBascom says:

    Why on Earth does someone as smart as you think anyone cares about things your kid does other than your family

    How can you miss the fact that this place is like a family, and the regulars DO care? Not only about Jeff’s family, but about each other.

    Does this distress you somehow? Oh well, sucks to be you…

  28. bh says:

    It’s the fundamental tension of the internet. You get to positively interact with lots of people you’d never meet in real life but the price is that you have to put up with every personality type that you’re able to successfully avoid in real life as well.

    Would Kevin believe it if we all told him that we were all going to be out of town and unavailable for the next few weeks? Maybe we all feel like we’re coming down with something and he should try us again sometime next month?

  29. Jeff G. says:

    I only deleted one comment, in which you said goodbye. The other two, in which you express your social retardation, remain. For the express purposes of documenting said social retardation.

    And I wouldn’t get too comfortable with the idea that you understand science or mathematics any better than I do. After all, you’ve cited your own opinion — which is not shared by the other readers here who’ve bothered to weigh in — as an “obvious fact.”

    This leads me to conclude that you really aren’t all that solid on what constitutes fact and what constitutes conjecture, nor are you able to properly suss from a small sample the statistical likelihood of your “argument” proving out. I’ve been posting about my kids since they were each born. This being my site, I have that luxury. You can puzzle over it all you want, if that’s what fills your nights. But complaining? Publicly?

    — Well, at that we’ve come full circle to that social retardation thing about which we spoke earlier.

  30. Jeff G. says:

    By the way, I have some video of Tanner doing a freakin’ pull-up in his Pack-n-Play. He’s not yet a year old, but he has the grip strength of a chimp.

    That kid is going to be a terror.

  31. Kevin says:

    I know you’re joking, Scribe of Slog, but I feel like kinda-sorta you’re not. I think you get it. Leigh and bh are cheerleaders and do not get it at all. They’ll have to live with that.

  32. cranky-d says:

    Video or it didn’t happen. I’d like to see that.

    Also, I second what lee said.

  33. bh says:

    Yes, people talking about people stuff is beyond your understanding, Kevin. We get it.

  34. cranky-d says:

    Kevin has to live with being an idiot.

    That sucks, but lucky for him he doesn’t realize he’s an idiot.

  35. Jeff G. says:

    Tanner does a pull-up. [warning: those with no interest should probably skip the video]

  36. beemoe says:

    …you have to put up with every personality type that you’re able to successfully avoid in real life as well.

    Would Kevin believe it if we all told him that we were all going to be out of town and unavailable for the next few weeks? Maybe we all feel like we’re coming down with something and he should try us again sometime next month?

    As weird as Kevin is getting I think for me it would be something a little less subtle, something along the lines of “If you don’t get the hell away from me I am going to beat your fucking eyes shut you goddamn freak.”

  37. cranky-d says:

    I think he wants to get out and get after his brother for teasing him.

  38. Kevin says:

    I’d like to again meld into the sideline, become a nobody on this blog and just continue to hear Jeff’s pearls of wisdom about politics. He’s very angry, but often brilliant in his conclusions.

    Oh, and I’d like to never hear about kids wrestling again. Is that too much to ask?

  39. beemoe says:

    lmao. What a fucking dimwit.

  40. Kevin says:

    yada yada yada, cranky-d. I’m not interested in debating cheerleaders. Throw your ‘Jeff is great’ banners elsewhere. He’s not great. He’s good. There’s a difference.

  41. bh says:

    I think the clinical test for this involves showing the subject pictures of people displaying various emotions and seeing if they can match them to the corresponding words like “sad” or “happy”.

  42. Patrick Chester says:

    Hmph. Kevin? Jeff is… well, a Dad. He’s allowed to do this on his own blog.

    HTH, HAND.

  43. Patrick Chester says:

    Yeah, keep pretending those calling you on your jackassed remarks are doing that because they’re “cheerleaders” or whatever.

    Because simply skipping over the articles on wrestling is just too onerous an effort. Just think of the wear and tear that puts on your mouse!

  44. Kevin says:

    Beemoe, wow. You continue to provide such great insight! Frankly, your comments make me embarrassed that I’m conservative like you.

    It’s clear that this comment thread can no longer do any good. People now think (or worse, know) I’m an ass. So I will once again make my requests and then say no more about it.

    1: Please don’t ever start a sentence by saying “In which…”
    2: Drop any article you write about your kids in the recycle bin. No one cares. Or send it to relatives – but just a heads up – they won’t really care either. But at least they’re obligated to act like they do. We’re not, and we don’t.

  45. sdferr says:

    In which the observation that there almost seems a touch of Mencken’s puritan in there in Kev’s objections to wrestling, among other things: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

  46. Kevin says:

    In which! You cut me to the core, sdferr. To the core.

  47. sdferr says:

    Always been overfond of Henry Fielding Kev, so no, I ain’t giving in that easy.

  48. Patrick Chester says:

    (So much effort upon something that “we” don’t care about…)

    I suspect people are beyond “think” or “know” and have reached “confirmed” by now.

    Ah well, a small sacrifice in the line of duty, whilst nobly attempting to save us from the horror of a non-political posting.

    I’m sure that icky Jeff will deny your request. With a smile even. The fiend. It’s like he thinks this is his blog or something.

    Oh wait…

  49. cranky-d says:

    Fuck off, Keven. You are an asshole, and have nothing to contribute.

  50. cranky-d says:

    Also, what happened to you leaving and not commenting again? Get going, and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

  51. Kevin says:

    Jeff’s not ‘icky’, Patrick. He’s quite brilliant actually. He’s just someone who, like everyone else, has kids that I care nothing about.

  52. Patrick Chester says:

    He’s just someone who, like everyone else, has kids that I care nothing about.

    So you keep reminding us.

  53. Kevin says:

    “Also, what happened to you leaving and not commenting again? “

    Did I say that? I’m pretty sure I didn’t, cranky old guy.

  54. Kevin says:

    “Patrick Chester says March 17, 2013 at 10:54 pm

    He’s just someone who, like everyone else, has kids that I care nothing about.

    So you keep reminding us.”

    Is it wrong to feel that way?

  55. cranky-d says:

    Kevin is a child crying for attention.

    Pathetic.

  56. Kevin says:

    Yes yes, cranky old guy. The whole world gets it. You’re not bright. There are other things you can do. Shutting up is one if them.

  57. Patrick Chester says:

    Well, he wants us to be sure we know how much he doesn’t care about this subject.

    I mean, it would hurt him greatly if we thought he was being a little obsessed on the subject so he has to make it absolutely clear how little he cares about this. As many times as possible.

    Then deflect when the… flaw in that tactic is pointed out. Trying to pretend it’s his “feelings” instead of his actions that’s drawing ire…

  58. beemoe says:

    Frankly, your comments make me embarrassed that I’m conservative like you.

    Rest easy, Kevin. I am not conservative.

    Or like you in any other way, thank God.

  59. SBP says:

    “and frankly, your family is just being nice when they sound interested”

    You shouldn’t project your NPD onto others, Kev.

    They realio-trulio do care about other people. Really. Do I care about Jeff’s kids the same way I care about those of (e.g.) close family members? Of course not. That doesn’t mean I’m not pleased when his kid wins a wrestling match. It’s a continuum, dude, not a binary choice.

    I realize that we’re just feeding your egocentrism here, but doesn’t it seem a little…sad…to you that you have some driving need to become the center of attention in a thread about a little kid?

    What happened with you? Younger sibling come along and take away mama’s teat before you were ready?

  60. Oh, and I’d like to never hear about kids wrestling again. Is that too much to ask?

    No, but we’re going to force him to keep doing it, just to drive you nuts. Because we’re evil that way.

  61. Slartibartfast says:

    They’ll have to live with that.

    If you can call that living. Sounds like hell.

    1: Please don’t ever start a sentence by saying “In which…”
    2: Drop any article you write about your kids in the recycle bin. No one cares. Or send it to relatives – but just a heads up – they won’t really care either. But at least they’re obligated to act like they do. We’re not, and we don’t.

    3. Don’t lead off with sentences like “beemoe, wow.” They’re not actually sentences, granted, but I needed to have something to point with.

    4. No one cares that you don’t care. Take your uncaringness and…well, stop it. I wish you would just stop. It’s boring, and no one cares.

  62. Slartibartfast says:

    Is it wrong to feel that way?

    No, but it’s fucking boring to natter on about it endlessly.

    No, but it’s fucking boring to natter on about it endlessly.

    No, but it’s fucking boring to natter on about it endlessly.

    No, but it’s fucking boring to natter on about it endlessly.

    No, but it’s fucking boring to natter on about it endlessly.

    No, but it’s fucking boring to natter on about it endlessly.

    No, but it’s fucking boring to natter on about it endlessly.

    No, but it’s fucking boring to natter on about it endlessly.

    No, but it’s fucking boring to natter on about it endlessly.

    No, but it’s fucking boring to natter on about it endlessly.

    No, but it’s fucking boring to natter on about it endlessly.

    No, but it’s fucking boring to natter on about it endlessly.

    No, but it’s fucking boring to natter on about it endlessly.

  63. Slartibartfast says:

    I mean, just imagine how I feel, having to read every single one of your boring comments about Jeff’s kid. I’m dying, here. Please stop posting them.

  64. leigh says:

    As others have stated: Don’t read the posts about Satchel and his fearsome talent. I can’t wait until Tanner is old enough to wrestle, too. If we could post pictures on here, I’d include some of my buff son in his singlet. The one wherein he glaring at the camera as if to say “Come at me, bro.”

    Personally, I enjoy these posts and can’t wait until Darleen’s new granddaughter arrives so she can post baby pictures just to piss Kevin off.

    Bh: I agree. Kevin needs to take a Thematic Apperception Test. The results would be to predictable to you and me, but perhaps enlightening to him.

    Or maybe not. He’s about as thick as a brick.

  65. cranky-d says:

    Can’t you all understand? Only Kevin knows what’s right and proper for Jeff’s blog. If you disagree, you’re a sycophant.

  66. leigh says:

    It’s a regular echo chamber in here, isn’t it, cranky? Everyone of us agreeing with each and everything Jeff says and calling it good and never challenging it or each other about anything?

    Nah. I hadn’t noticed that either.

    PS: Awesome pull-up, Tanner! Satch better sleep with one eye open when Tanner figures out he can climb out of the crib. Then, it’s on!

  67. Slartibartfast says:

    We are just a lot of suckups, leigh, because we crave the approval of a guy who posts boring stuff about his kid. Or something.

  68. RI Red says:

    I have a theory. Admittedly, it is about ethnic stereotypes, but therein oft lies a grain of truth.
    So, Kevin is an Irish name; therefore, Kevin is Irish. Yesterday was some sort of Irish festival day, mostly celebrated by every Mick in the house (yes, that was ethnic) getting shit-faced. Kevin may have started 0ut a little early the night before, but obviously kept it up all day until, lo and behold, no more posts after last night. Ipso facto/ergo, Kevin was stinking drunk and used this blog as he would any bartender: making stupid, drunken comments in the hopes of getting attention about his problems, which, like as not, include the dreaded Irish Disease, IFYWIMAITYD. Touched on it with the . . . wrestling comments.

    Now, if that is not a well-reasoned analysis at least as interesting as Kevin’s complaints about someone else’s blog content, you can call me a drunken Paddy. (One-quarter Irish and proud of it!) (Except about the one-quarter Irish Disease, but ya go with what ya got.)
    If I had a blog, it would be about shit that interests me. But I don’t, nor does Kevin. So, I’ll just be polite to the proprietor cuz that’s good manners. As to Kevin, you get the manners deserved by a sad, drunken Mick/Paddy/Kevin.

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