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Corey Haim’s “Notes from the afterlife,” 14

A quick observation, if you’ll allow me:  this one time, after the premier of Snowboard Academy I think it was, I signed some chick’s breast, which she just kinda flopped into my hand right there in the lobby of the Vine theater.  I may have snorted a line of crank off it, too, I don’t really remember. Those experiences tend to blend together.

Anyway, I bring this up not as the happy memory it really should be, but as a kind of cautionary tale about celebrity, fame, temptation, etc.  Because the fact is, to some people, the minute they drop a tit in your hand and ask you to sign it, or the minute you lick a little crank off their nipple, they believe they own you.  Like, forever.

The moral of the story being this:  there are some crazy, obsessive fuckers down there.  And they can almost always be identified by their poster collections, or the wallpaper on their Twitter pages.

Whereas here?  It may be squalid and seedy and filled with dirty Haitians, but a flopped tit is just that, an invitation — not some kind of implied commitment ceremony.

Sorry if that’s getting a bit preachy. But the truth is, I sometimes surprise myself with how, like, pensive I get after my cash runs out and I have to spend a week with the shakes while trying to ween myself off of Mike’s Hard Lemonade and opium.  And sometimes Funyons.

 

 

 

10 Replies to “Corey Haim’s “Notes from the afterlife,” 14”

  1. DarthLevin says:

    What was that German word from the earlier thread? The one that translates loosely to “a face that begs to be slapped”?

    It came to mind while reading this for some reason.

  2. Slartibartfast says:

    Perfect, Jeff.

  3. LBascom says:

    Off topic (maybe), but this may explain what is going on in Colorado.

    Thieves hate citizens with guns…

    According to a Colorado Bureau of Investigations report obtained by Media Trackers, State Representative Rhonda Fields (D-Aurora) was arrested in 1976 on a charge of larceny and again in 1991 on a charge of shoplifting. Despite her own criminal record, Rep. Fields has sought to limit the Second Amendment rights of law-abiding citizens.

  4. geoffb says:

    Despite Because of …

  5. RMNixonDeceased says:

    Heh. I must be in a different strata of Purgatory …

  6. Ouroboros says:

    Yeah, that’s Corey alright… Corey Haim IF he could write like Jeff Goldstein.. which isnt likely. His fanbois should be happy you make him sound more literate and educated in death than he ever was in life.

  7. jcw46 says:

    He had to learn to write as since his assumption of room temperature (and getting a little runny in this reality) he’s had his mouth “occupied” by other priorities. (newlies get front of line privileges to the “Barbed Cock O’Satan” display.

    And when I say “Display” I mean a “DEMON – STRATION” of it’s PENETRATIVE and PAINFUL administration. Pour encourage les outres

    (he does know he’s in HELL, doesn’t he?)

  8. cranky-d says:

    Leave Corey alone!

    runs away sobbing

  9. The only Corey I ever cared about was Corey Stuart. I was 4.

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