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Life under the sequester, day 2

Surprisingly, my oldest boy’s wrestling tournament hasn’t, to my knowledge, been canceled — this, despite all the civil uncertainty and the roaming bands of former TSA workers looking for the weak and isolated to corner in abandoned rope lines and then pat down suggestively — so we’ll be riding about 40 miles north this morning toward Colorado’s eastern plains, armed to the teeth, (in fact, it wasn’t but a half-hour ago that I put the last bit of solder to the turret and backrest I installed in the space that used to house our Jeep Trailhawk’s automatic sunroof), fully appreciative of the possibility that we may be venturing into a trap, where we’ll find ourselves in some sort of Thunderdome-esque human cockfight arena, forced into hand-to-hand combat with other parents and youth wrestlers by a grim Chinese Triad looking to make bank off wagering on what are essentially death matches. The dirty pan-faced cocksuckers.

But then, if there really is still a tournament, my son thinks he can maybe win a first-place trophy, or at least medal in the event. So what am I going to do, stay home? Because of what might happen?

Hells to the no. That’s not what outlaws do. And that’s exactly what I am in Obama’s sequestered America: an outlaw.

So buckle your chinstrap, Greeley, CO. Because we’re on our way. And Hell is following with us.

25 Replies to “Life under the sequester, day 2”

  1. Jrez says:

    Best of luck to the young, Master Goldstein. (Kick some ASS, Satch!)

    Goldstein the elder? meh….you’re on your own, pal. However, you COULD make yourself useful and retrieve some more entertaining video clips for review here. (….of the civil unrest and rogue TSA types, of course; not little monsters in sweaty singlets.)

  2. JD says:

    My little one has Divisional swim meet today. There is a real dearth of Asian swimmers. She has to have the inside slot of that diversity slot for a scholarship.

    Good luck, Satch

  3. Blake says:

    Jeff, JD, I remember when my oldest daughter was competing in the high jump during one year in high school. During that time, my work schedule allowed me to attend almost all of her matches.

    One of the best summers I’ve ever had.

  4. newrouter says:

    watch out for roving bands of bald white dudes with, get this, white boards.

  5. geoffb says:

    WSJ – “World doesn’t end, Obama hardest hit.”

    ‘Just to make the final point about the sequester,” said President Obama at his press conference Friday, “we will get through this. This is not going to be an apocalypse, I think, as some people have said.” That’s a relief, but it is also a major walk-back, since the “some people” who have been predicting apocalypse are the President and senior members of his Administration.
    […]
    they may not notice at all. This may explain Mr. Obama’s morning-after concession that “what’s important to understand is that not everyone will feel the pain of these cuts right away,” and that the gruesome cuts that the President had been invoking are now merely “a slow grind that will intensify with each passing day.”
    […]
    [H]e could always choose among the “patchwork of thousands of duplicative programs, nearly impossible to track and even harder to evaluate for effective outcomes.” This he does not want to do.

    What he is trying to do instead is implement the sequester as rudely as possible so that he can extract another tax increase.

  6. Car in says:

    I’m going to go to McDonalds in a bit and see if they’re still selling coffee.

  7. Enrak says:

    This is my new favorite TV show by far.

    Breaking Bad can now go suck it!

  8. happyfeet says:

    Colorado’s eastern plains wend towards Kansas where the plucky citizens of Jericho fought so bravely to make a new life after a vaguely chineser-related nuclear holocaust

    they had many ethical abu ghraib-like ethical dilemmas about torture plus they ran out of toilet paper

    then they got canceled

    it’s a fucking metaphor

  9. leigh says:

    My great-grandparents weathered Kansas until there was land to grab in Oklahoma.

    And the saga continues.

  10. Darleen says:

    I’d say to Satch “break a leg” but since my intention is worth bupkis and perception is everything, I don’t want to risk being punished for unpleasant language so

    Good luck!

  11. JHoward says:

    Being all fair and balanced and whatnot, FOX asks if the sequester will hurt. Federal government blackmail, that is, here in the very manifestation of Pelosi’s riches-through-funemployment scheme.

    Because this is newsworthy, this pandering to the prevailing meme. The prevailing meme generated by the nation’s most dysfunctional political class in the nation’s most dysfunctional era, an era that even John Meynard himself would disown.

    Except…turns out the sequester is about a day’s cash.

    OH THE HORROR. Watch out for zombies, JG.

  12. mojo says:

    Hand-railing the highway to avoid ambushes? Takes some time, don’t it?

  13. Jeff G. says:

    Well, they held the tournament, and I’m happy (and proud) to report that Satchel is the winner of the 2013 Eagle Open in Greeley, sweeping his bracket 8-0, 4-2, and 8-1 (championship).

  14. newrouter says:

    congrats

  15. TaiChiWawa says:

    He’s going to have an impressive awards collection.

  16. leigh says:

    You should start looking into building him a trophy case.

    Way to go, Satch!

  17. beemoe says:

    Great job Satch!

  18. geoffb says:

    Satchel, congratulations!

    Proud poppa too!

  19. beemoe says:

    Just make sure Satch knows to never wrestle outside of competition, or especially in self defense or the defense of others.

    FORT MYERS, Fla. – A 16-year-old Cypress Lake High School student, who wrestled a loaded revolver away from a teen threatening to shoot, is being punished.

    The student grappled the gun away from the 15-year-old suspect on the bus ride home Tuesday after witnesses say he aimed the weapon point blank at another student and threatened to shoot him.

    The student, who Fox 4 has agreed not to identify because he fears for his safety, says there’s “no doubt” he saved a life by disarming the gunman. And for that he was suspended for three days.

    “I think he was really going to shoot him right then and there,” the student said. “Not taking no pity.”

    The student says he wrestled the .22 caliber RG-14 Revolver away from the suspect, a football player, who witnesses say threatened to shoot a teammate because he had been arguing with his friend.

    “No doubt,” the student said, “he was going to shoot him point blank.”

    The teen we spoke to and authorities both confirm the Revolver was loaded. According to the arrest report the suspect, who Fox 4 is not naming because he is a minor, was “pointing the gun directly” at another student and “threatening to shoot him.”

    That’s when the student we spoke with says he and two others tackled the teen and wrestled away the gun. The next day the school slapped him with a three day suspension.

    “It’s dumb,” he said. “How they going to suspend me for doing the right thing?”

    http://www.fox4now.com/news/local/194396721.html

    The idiocracy is here.

  20. geoffb says:

    Preemptive surrender as winning?

  21. palaeomerus says:

    Well I woke up with a bunch of “crud” in my eyes this morning. So, I can only conclude that whoever it was in the government that was sneaking into my house and keeping my eyes clean while I slept, has been defunded and let go.

  22. palaeomerus says:

    Darn you GOP! Because you recalcitrantly refused to work with the Z-man, even though this is HIS plan, I now need to dampen a washcloth and clean my own eyes!

  23. geoffb says:

    The important work goes on.

  24. Slartibartfast says:

    3-D printed semi-automaticlower receiver fires over 600 rounds

    Fixed!

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