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9 OTHER suggestions that Kofi Annan may have been less than truthful when speaking to investigators of the UN Oil for Food scandal*

  1. During a dinner party in Belgium, he let slip that he “really digs the rush” he gets from “ripping off bloated multinationalist bureaucracies that adminster aid for countries ruled by murderous tyrants with sweet-ass mustaches.”
  2. Recently purchased a 60-foot yacht he christened, My Cut of the Embezzlement Booty
  3. His Rolex bears the inscription, “Plenty more where this came from, Big Guy,” and is signed, “your pal, Saddam”
  4. A recent UN audit turned up a 2001 expense report from the Secretary General’s office that contained the strange line item, “44 boxes Cuban cigars (for bribes and stuff).”
  5. When asked by investigators if he had any knowledge of his son Kojo’s illegal Cotecna contracts, answered, “Okay. Just tell me how much it will take to make this go away.”
  6. Favorite movie?  The Grifters
  7. During a heated sexual encounter with an Italian prostitute, reportedly screamed, “Oh God!  Fuck me like I fucked all those sick and hungry Iraqi children with my greed, you dirty dirty whore!”
  8. Staffers speaking anonymously admit to hearing him practicing the phrases “No comment” and “Speak to the hand, girlfriend” in 8 different languages
  9. He’s the UN Secretary General

story here; see also, Excerpt from…; and Kate, who is back in town just in time to keep me from driving up to Canada and beating Monty the commenter to death with a Halibut.

19 Replies to “9 OTHER suggestions that Kofi Annan may have been less than truthful when speaking to investigators of the UN Oil for Food scandal*”

  1. Jeff Goldstein says:

    …imagine this sentence is a tumbleweed…

  2. mojo says:

    You’re going to beat him to death with a species?…

  3. Matt Moore says:

    How come whores are never just dirty?

  4. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Because just dirty is just dirty.  Whereas dirty dirty is the good kind of dirty.

  5. Matt Moore says:

    Are you sure? Could you convince a Canadian of that?

  6. McGehee says:

    9. He’s His Supreme Mendacity, the UN Secretary General.

  7. SeanH says:

    Could you convince a Canadian of that?

    Dirty dirty is the best kind of dirty.  If grown men and women in Canada haven’t managed to convince each other of that then there isn’t a damn thing Jeff can do for them.

  8. dorkafork says:

    Thinking of dirty dirty whores gives me an epistemological certainty.

  9. Diana says:

    Careful.  It could become a halibut.

  10. Murel Bailey says:

    Acidman was talking about Robert Byrd naked. I know that it has nothing to do with this topic, but I couldn’t just be by myself with that image in my head.

    It’s sort of like those naked Gielgud scenes in Prospero’s Books that I refuse to remember, but people tell me were there. I hope they’re lying, and I’m glad my brain filtered that out.

  11. McGehee says:

    Dorkafork, if your epistemological certainty persists for more than four hours, see a Ph.D. immediately.

  12. ed says:

    Hmmm.

    “Acidman was talking about Robert Byrd naked.”

    Jesus H. Christ!  Right before lunch!

  13. Ben says:

    It wasn’t a halibut.  It was a delicious bass.

  14. gail says:

    Thinking of dirty dirty whores gives me an epistemological certainty.

    Posted by dorkafork | permalink

    on 06/14 at 09:07 PM

    Careful.  It could become a halibut.

    Posted by Diana | permalink

    on 06/14 at 10:42 PM

    That just has to be the strangest interchange I’ve heard in a month o’Sundays.

  15. ll says:

    Jeff:  I don’t know why you are complaining so much about the comments at sda. It’s comedy gold!

  16. Joe says:

    That just has to be the strangest interchange I’ve heard in a month o’Sundays.

    Hueristic estimates do in fact place the interchange of “dirty dirty”,”whore”, and “halibut” at a frequency of once every 210 days, but usually in a context approximating “the dirty dirty whore smelled like a halibut”.

    How’s that for some epistemology, baby !

  17. Diana says:

    Gail – it’s not strange, it’s dyslogic.

  18. It’s actually…aN halibut.

    [from a Monty Python sketch I can’t remember just yet, and probably won’t due to a recent trip to New Orleans.]

  19. BLT in CO says:

    It’s the ”Fish License” sketch (AKA Eric the half-a-bee), FYI.

    “Look, it’s people like you what cause unrest.”

Comments are closed.