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Life under the sequester, day 1

Promises of snow from earlier in the week never materialized, so we bought a bit of a break on day 1 — early morning patrol of my compound’s perimeter was a rather ordinary affair, visibility being higher than I’d anticipated, and the lack of any precipitation allowing me to walk both the fence line and rooftop in dry boots and clothing.

During my patrol I spotted only two potential looters, the pair huddled together near a roadside public transportation bench about 400 yards out, passing back and forth between them documents that I was unable to clearly make out through my scope, though I think it fair to suspect that these were diagrams or maps of the surrounding sub divisions, of which there are 6 in a 3 mile radius.  Why they decided to so easily make their intentions known is not for me to say; there are and will be plenty of inexperienced penetration teams now that the sequester has kicked in and commerce, schooling, and transportation have been brought to a GOP-initiated halt, and I suspect that this particular two man team hadn’t done their research, else they would have known from the transportation secretary that public transport will collapse under the strain of draconian budget cuts and civil austerity measures that kick in at the onset of the sequester, making their cover (such as it was) — that of two “businessmen” exchanging “work papers” while “waiting on the light rail” — a poor choice indeed.  That is, if no trains are coming, and planes would begin falling out of the sky — and for months that’s all we’ve heard would happen (well, that, and to prep, which thankfully I had a head start on, having already squirreled away about a year’s worth of Pop Tarts and toilet paper before the panic buying began) — affecting a cover identity as an itinerant traveling businessman waiting on public transportation is a dead giveaway that, while it may fool the casual observer who hasn’t yet understood the full depths of what the sequester will bring, couldn’t fool me.

All of which I took into consideration before taking my first shot at the interlopers, which proved to be true — I didn’t see the need to go for a kill shot, but instead merely winged one of the two potential marauders with a 147 gr 7.62×51 NATO round to the hand  that may have taken off a finger or two — my way of sending a warning to some of the bigger population centers that will be looking to inch their way outward to find food and supplies in the less populated areas.

After I was sure they’d retreated, I sat and ate a few  donuts before chopping and stacking firewood and then, nourished, and under the cover of camo netting that I’d set up to avoid detection by drone flyovers, set about a dozen new  bear traps across a stretch of the prairie in an affective wounding pattern that I think will funnel any multi-person invasion group into an open area where, for me and my wife, acting from reinforced roof top parapets, it’d be a turkey shoot.

All in all, a pretty quiet morning here in Obama’s sequestered America.  But then, I never really expected we’d be deep in the shit on day one.  In fact, it’ll probably be about a week or so before the society collapses completely and the realization hits the masses that, the government having been so dramatically slashed, society can in no way survive as we’ve known it, and it’s every man and woman and child for him or herself.

And it’s that delay that probably accounts for the veritable absence of chatter on my ham radio this morning.  So after an hour or so I just gave up listening and watched the season premier of “Duck Dynasty.”

Boy, does that Jace crack me up!

Developing…

 

 

 

28 Replies to “Life under the sequester, day 1”

  1. happyfeet says:

    change the pitch up squester that bitch up

  2. DarthLevin says:

    My 20 oz. cup of coffee this morning only contained 19.994 oz. after a mandated 0.3% reduction.

    Damned Republicans.

  3. mojo says:

    Dillo one, badger three. Looks like we’ve got “postal workers” again, trying to work their way up the draw.

  4. Libby says:

    The sequester may be causing the world apart, but you’ll be comforted to know that Eric Holder has found enough money in the federal budget to continue traveling around the country in his (i.e taxpayer funded) Gulfstream jet. Phew!!
    http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/sure_isn_budget_flight_EsTAbmJzqO1Vid4Xl1k8VJ

  5. geoffb says:

    To aid your night vision, honey trap those vegan hordes, and make that rabbit stew healthier you need to grab one of these.

  6. Squid says:

    I made a low-ball bid on the Truman. I figure if Uncle Sham can’t afford to keep his toys, there’s no reason we shouldn’t take ’em off his hands.

  7. sdferr says:

    Did the D. Dynasty guys tout the versatile usefulness of those big orange phallus symbols? Whereat, think only of the apple in the roast pig’s mouth: vegans jump to the opportunity to jamb them in all manner of places. On the other hand, the major bother with spit-roasting a vegan is the severe lack of fat on the critters and the consequent toughness of the meat.

  8. Bob Belvedere says:

    Is that a Sequester in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

  9. McGehee says:

    I’ve been reduced to making my own IKEA meatballs out of zombie meat.

  10. steveaz says:

    Your first day of “S” sounds a lot worse than mine, Jeff. But, I’ll still share.

    The morning started off awful enough with Folgers’ store-bought grounds and bottled water. (Usually my roomie – a freshly unemployed” (by the sequester) instructional expert (ie. teacher) delivers hot espresso from the Safeway Starbucks every morn.) I had to play my own barrista (what a drag!), and discovered the house had no coffe filters, so I had to improvise one out of two-ply toilet paper.

    So far this Sequester sucks!

    Then, ‘cuz Safeways was plum out of meat yesterday – a stock-deficit that is driven certainly by the terrible “Seq’ster” – I lacked tack for my morning breakfast. So I set snares for quail and kangaroo rats hoping to catch something before full light. It’s after nine now, and still no captures, though.

    Hunger’s gnawing at my innards, and I’m wondering, “Where’s my Puddin’?” So far, Obama’s been right about everything…

    Except for, we’ve seen a lull in the daily stream of tresspassers on my Arizona creek this morning, not the increase that Obama predicted. In my morning patrol I found only one pile of migrant excrement on my back five acres. This is down from the three to six I discover regularly. If this results directly from the border patrol budget being “eviscerated.” by “sequestration,” then more of the big-S might prove better at interdicting Hamas’ nukes and bales of bad Mexican grass than less.

    I hope this ends soon. Some prior, tweaker-owner dug a twelve-foot deep, defensive bunker on my land near the creek. If this “‘Quester” thing goes on for much longer, I’ll be forced to move into it full-time with my composting toilet, two dogs, a private arsenal and my old (pre-Global Warming) National Geographic collection for the duration.

    There’s room for more here, Jeff. If things get too bad in Colorado’s suburbia, then bring the fam down-range and we’ll make room for you all here.

  11. sdferr says:

    Beware! Pferd-Fleish is poison! Avoid Avoid Avoid!

  12. geoffb says:

    Things get really tough you can always eat all those cats, that’s if you have enough teeth to chew them.

  13. geoffb says:

    One minute after midnight, just as the sequester kicked in, the Feds dropped my modest tax refund in my bank account. Happy Sequester day.

  14. We have a power steering fluid leak that mysteriously stops by the time we get to the mechanic’s shop. I blame Bush.

  15. leigh says:

    The power is still on. The schools are open or someone kidnapped my son and stole his truck. My phones still work and the innertubes are up. Teevee is still broadcasting and Jugears is threatening to shut down the government (or something).
    And like Geoff, my electronic banking is still working.

    I think we’ve been had. It’s enough to destroy one’s trust, it is.

  16. Bob Belvedere says:

    We’ve got plenty of room here in the undisclosed Bob Belvedere’s Tiki Bar & Lounge location.

    Trouble is: it’s ‘undisclosed’ which means I can’t tell you where it is. I blame Dick Cheney.

  17. leigh says:

    I’ll call Biden. He can’t keep his mouth shut.

  18. McGehee says:

    I don’t think that zombie meat was fresh.

  19. JohnInFirestone says:

    If anyone needs me, I’ll be holed up at Don’s Club Tavern until the booze or my liver gives out. I’d bet on my liver giving out first. S’ok, though, because OBAMACARE!

  20. JD says:

    Planes are falling out of the skies today. If things get any worse, we may have to consider grilling our neighbor’s dogs. Maybe Obama could tweet some recipes.

  21. Car in says:

    In celebration of the sequester, we got a letter -today -from the EPA- informing us that we have until March 1 (that would also be today) to file a useless report regarding information that is reported elsewhere.

    Fine? $32,000 a day.

    We need to sequester the ENTIRE GOVERNMENT until it goes away. Someone make it fucking STOP.

    Related- today’s pre-planned history reading to the kids was about the Constitutional Congress. It’s interesting to review the limited government we aimed to have.

    And how fubared we’ve become.

  22. Car in says:

    I’m guessing that this stupid thing was one of those new regulations they pushed through Jan 1.

    The government hates small business.It loves big business, with it’s hordes of lawyers to navigate through this.

    We also hire a company to do all this shit for us. It has to do with international trade, which is too effen complicated for anyone to figure out.

  23. dicentra says:

    I love calendar-changing day.

  24. guinspen says:

    When in doubt, aim for the red meatballs.

    The Great Morionos Turkey Shoot

  25. sdferr says:

    Aber, das gelbe gekleidete Mädchen ist ziemlich saftig.

  26. guinspen says:

    Ja, jum.

  27. RI Red says:

    Woke up. Learned how to snow-mobile today. May need to know it to bug out to somewhere when the c-quester reaches us. Stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts before the croissant supply ran out. Went to the range and shot 40 year old CMP ammo. Flawless, but is this what I have to look forward to? The horrors.

Comments are closed.