Fact: The Savanna Lodge, located along Natural Bridge Road (Matividiri 57), boasts Aruba’s largest ostrich farm and serves ostrich dishes in a savanna-style cookout setting, complete with torches and campfire, overlooking the island’s rugged North Coast.
Fact: Ostriches belong to the ratites and are the only members of their family, Struthionidae. They live in nomadic groups of 5–50 animals that often travel together with other grazing animals; toothless, they swallow pebbles that help to grind foods (mostly seeds and plants, but sometimes locust and other insects) in the gizzard. This practice is likely responsible for the myth, popularized by Pliny the Elder, that ostriches bury their heads in the sand when frightened. In reality, the large birds either run or fight when spooked.
Fact: Ostriches are classified as dangerous animals in Australia, the US and the UK. Numerous incidents of people being attacked and even killed by the bird are on record worldwide. Large male ostriches can be very territorial and aggressive and can kick very powerfully during an attack. An ostrich will easily outrun any athlete.
Fact: Natalee Holloway was last seen on the island of Aruba in the company of 3 males.
Fact: As a native of Aruba, Joran Van der Sloot—one of the three males last seen with Holloway (and the last to be seen alone with the missing Alabama teen)—would doubtless be familiar with the Savana Lodge ostrich farm and would likely also know that, when shown cute exotic animals, teenage girls tend to coo and grow quite friendly.
Fact: The eyes of ostriches are the largest eyes of all living land animals. I’m not sure what bearing that has on the case, but it’s an interesting tidbit. Developing…
Supposition : Natalee Holloway was driven to an ostrich farm by Joran Van der Sloot and his friend, party boat DJ Steve Croes, and—still a bit drunk from her night on the town—Ms. Holloway somehow managed to frighten a large male ostrich, who then ran her down and stomped her to death with his enormous frightened ostrich feet. Scared and confused, Joran Van der Sloot and Steve Croes fled the scene. Alternately, the two disposed of the body by dumping it into the sea along the island’s North shore.
Conclusion: Natalee Holloway was most probably trampled to death by an ostrich. Her body has yet to be discovered. The death itself was accidental—though the subsequent cover-up has been intentional and can be traced back to highest levels of the Aruban government, where concern over the impact this story could have on tourism has island officials circling the wagons (which explains why Sean Hannity can’t get the straight answers he deserves. Besides, everybody knows that the Dutch are notoriously queer creatures, and that their system of criminal justice is a disorganized mess, what with their snooty Dutch unwillingness to answer hard-hitting questions from the foreign press).
my CITIZEN JOURNALIST course of action: I’ve forwarded this CITIZEN JOURNALIST reportage to FOXNews, who has the resources available to follow up on my hypotheses; I’ve also forwarded my notes along to Dan Riehl, who has become a major player in the Natalee Holloway story despite his being situated in New Jersey—several thousand miles northwest of Aruba. If blogging has taught us anything, though, it’s that the internet makes the world a much more intimate place. Where anybody can find porn.
Additionally, I’ve sent this link to American Digest’s Gerard Van der Leun (because of the whole “Van der” connection); and to Hugh Hewitt (just because he likes to be kept abreast of things).
Now. BRING ME PIE!
****
update – 06/23/05: The arrest of Van der Sloot’s father need not vitiate my considered CITIZEN JOURNALIST’S contribution to all this erudite talking head speculation about the girl’s disappearance. This latest turn of events suggests only that the elder Mr. Van der Sloot is being held under suspcion of helping in some sort of cover-up in the ostrich incident, either by lying to the police about his knowledge of the big bird attack; or by aiding in the slaughter and disposal of the animal and the hiding of Ms. Holloway’s body.
One additional supposition you can add, since someone from Alabama is involved, is that there may have been an attempt at ostrich-tipping.
Not that I’ve ever attempted anything similar. No sir…
Hope you have some forged documents to back up the undeniable truth of your deductions.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but this case has already been solved. Al-Jazeera is reporting they have proof she was abducted by Jooooooooooooooooos!
How much does one tip an ostrich? 20%?
Huh! I thought for sure Halliburton had something to do with it.
What kind of pie do you want? I have rhubarb in my garden and fresh strawberries in the fridge.
Yes, but who controls Halliburton?
(Hint: It’s the Joooooooooooooooooooooos!)
I’ll give you a dollar if you actually send your report to FOXNews (or another major news outlet) and they send you a response. Or better yet, Drudge has an anonymous tip box. Submit it and if he emails you back… that’s right… $1.00.
Either rhubarb or strawberry. I’m easy that way, Carin.
Ostriches are cute on your planet, are they?
p.s. Go with strawberry-rhubarb. It’s better than either alone.
Here, here on the strawberry-rhubarb connection. A finer pie you’ll never have.
tw – ‘justice’ And justice certainly is sweet.
Wait- I had always heard that giraffes had the largest eyes of any land animal. Something’s not right here.
Are there any giraffes on Aruba?
I rather imagined Jeff would have wanted Dutch Apple pie…well, a certain apple’s opinions aside, that is…
This post just cries out for a stupid Deep Throat joke … but not by me. No sir.
Yes, Strawberry- rhubarb is the just the grandest. I really was suggesting a combo pie.
Not to change the subject, but when did it become commonplace for high school seniors to go on drunken excursions to the Carribean as a reward for graduation?
Or does that make me a puritanical prude?
By the way, in Virginia, they send parents to jail for allowing alcohol consumption at a 16 year old’s birthday party. link.
Spam word: amount. I guess it’s the amount you drink!
The clincher might be if ostrich footprints could be found at the Savana Lodge Ostrich Farm where the Citizen Journalist asserts that the crime took place. There might even be ostrich DNA samples.
Or great big ostrich eggs. Those could have been laid by a female accomplice.
A drinking age that corresponds with our military enrollment age? Dancing? The horror!
If only Natalee had stayed in the US, where the drinking age is 21, her chances of being the victim of a violent crime would have been…well, significantly increased, statistically. But still…
ROOT CAUSES, ROOT CAUSES! WEARING A BIKINI IS JUST ASKING FOR IT!
here you go!
I hear she could had for a thong.
DAMMIT!!
Well for the record. It wasn’t me are any other Alien Greys. I was reimplanting* a nostril cam at the time.
* Three weeks of Jeff’s Sinus. Not what we call must see TV.
Dude, you’re wasting you time sending links to Hewitt. He’s only got one thing on his mind. It’s nothing but Dick posts 24/7 over there.
Hugh turned over a new (fig) leaf?
Jeff, you’re getting as wierd as your readers. And that’s not a complement.
Your troubles are over, Joshua.
Jeff. Hear me now or hear me later. Seek professional help.
If not, it will be death with juju first followed by HELL FOR ETERNITY!
I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!
You want tasteless? From alt.joke.limericks:
A party girl, drunk off her rocker
Met guys who were eager to “dock ‘er”
Cops with airplanes and scuba
Scour the shores of Aruba
But she’s “gone down” to Davy Jones locker.
Thank goodness we can laugh about it now…
Let me make it absolutely clear that this post is meant to poke fun at Nataleemania as a media phenomenon—and in no way a comment on the girl or her friends and family.
I honestly believe that outlets like FOXNews are applying a negative pressure to Aruban officials that could potentially compromise the investigation.
How so?
Previous comment was for Sanity.
I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!
Some years ago one of the cable channels had a show that claimed that ostriches are sexually attracted to people and there have been numerous stories of attacks by amorous ostriches.
I tried a google search but gave up in shame.
True fact about the birds….
A friend I know here in Louisiana ran an ostrich farm in the 90s and gave me a tour of the place. They had several dozen mating pairs and the females are inquisitive creatures. Each pair in their own pens, scattered about and we approached one. The female scampered over and peered at us. The male came bounding over and stuck himself between her and the tall fence while she danced around and tried to lean closer. The male stamped at us (standing at a good distance from the fence, we were….. these birds are HUGE!) The male kept poking his head, flapping his wings and thrusting his body in an aggressive manner at us and when he finally decided that strategy didn’t work to make us go away, he tore over to the female and started to kick the shit out of her!
They are not timid cartoonish birds. While I doubt this is what happened to the student in Aruba, it would not surprise me.
me:
Oh, I was just, umm…just obliquely commenting on…mmm…the Jamesonian meta-narrative!
Yeah, that’s it…
Turing = power, as in Words are power
Here’s an article about ostriches and emus becoming enamoured of humans:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-603272,00.html
On a serious note. The ineptitude of the Aruban police is amazing. All they need is one competent detective to interview these guys separately…
*he tore over to the female and started to kick the shit out of her!*
So the ostrich was muslim ?
Just asking.
Matt:
Dude, where’s my car?
Ostrich crap is gray and soupy.
The birds are not too smart and can be easily stampeded into chain link fences.
They can be herded if penned in.
Magic preview word: surface
Magic word: love
All laughing aside, altho this is couched in a humorous matrix, until we can prove otherwise, its as good as anything else.
Except maybe alien abduction into space by tractor beams.
When we graduated from high school we didn’t go to Aurba. Instead, we painted our names on the blacktop infront of our homes. Of course, that was 30 years ago, and we were hicks.
Re, large eyes: “Cuteness” is mostly driven by the characteristics of a baby human. A proportionately oversized head and eyes are one of the strongest indications of cuteness. The ostrich head is proportionally undersized compared to a human, but that probably just enhances the eyes all the more. Net-net, it could make it a very “cute” animal for some people. (I don’t agree myself, but there is a lot of variation on this basic theme for different people.)
As you said, cute animals are a Good Start(TM) for certain activities that Our Heros way have wished to engage in…
Desperately Seeking Natalee Holloway?
By Jimmy Lewis
10/29/2005
Sorry, folks! For those who thought I would be eating mud pie on this, nope. The difficulty in doing this kind of stuff is you never know if pointers are merely pointers to other pointers or the real event. But the time comes when everything begins to fall into place, ie the slope of the novelty curve increases. And of course, this has happened with Natalee else I would not have written this.
Let me first point out that we are entering what you can call a nexus, and intersection point. The Columbia accident was 1000 days ago and on 10/30/2005 22000 days will have passed since Hiroshima. By the way, did you know that the Challenger accident occurred 76543 days after 7/4/1776. In case you didn’t know five consecutive numbers is noteworthy.
Since day one, there has been a strong correlation between Natalee and the numbers 118, 7114, and 1188. 118 being the coordinate sum of Palm Beach, Aruba, 7114 being Natalee’s roon number and 1188 the gematrical value of her full name. Now, you are wondering what the new circumstances are. First on 11/3/05 I, myself, will turn 11800 days old and of course you are aware that my birthday is 7/14/1973. 11/3/05 also marks the 813th day since the 8/13/03 blackout of New York City.
Correlations stop on 11/8/05 when I will turn 11805.
The sum for the word « nataleeannholloway » of length 18 is 1188.
The sum for the word « nataleepalmbeach » of length 16 is 714.
The sum for the word « nataleearuba » of length 12 is 606.
Psalms 118:8 It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.
Between Hiroshima and 10/21 the date of Natalee’s Birthday there are:
From 10/21/1986 to 08/06/1945 (Hiroshima) is -15051 days (symmetric) and (15)0(51) =>606
Sum of squares: a^2 + b^2 + c^2
a = 119
b = 29 =>11
c = 7
also 15051 is gematrically equivalent 1551
In the New Testament, the verse divisions were first added by (Click link for more info and facts about Robert Estienne) Robert Estienne in his 1551 edition of the Greek New testament.
from 5/30/2005 to 11/3/2005 are 157 days which is the 37th prime number. By summing the 37th prime and the 37th composite which is 54 we get 211.
Notice that 11/3 is the 307th day of the year. Also note that revelation 21:1 falls in the 1188th chapter of the bible!
Revelation 21:1 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea
The sum for the word « AndIsawanewheavenandanewearthforthefirstheavenandthefirstearthwerepassedawayandt
herewasnomoresea » of length 96 is 6276.
(62)(76) ==>(8)(13) ==>813
Natalee’s birthday on 10/26 is the 294th day of the year
294+307 which again is 11/3 = 601
601 is the 110th prime and 145 the 110th composite, their sum is
110+145+601=856
which reduces to (8)(11)
From 07/16/2008 to 11/03/2005 is -986 days. There are 986 days till 7/16/2005 the start of the tribulation and the 986th composite number is 1180.
5/30 is the 150th day of the year. Summing 150+307=457 which is the 88th prime.
88 119 457
Notice that 119 is the 88th composite number.
Now, here is a sign which you can’t ignore. The Chicago White Sox took the World Series for the first time in 88 years. Not only that, but it took them 14 innings to win the third game. That’s pi folks, 3.14. Both teams even scored a total of 17 points over 4 games. Get ready for this one.
The sum for the word « nataleeholloway » of length 15 is 1014.
The sum for the word « chicagowhitesox » of length 15 is 1014.
Anybody should agree that is astounding!
Want more proof? From the day 6/8 when Hyperqubes.info was started till 11/3 are 147 days and the mega millions jackpot for 10/28/05 is $147 Million. In fact 11/3=> 14 and 2005 => 7.
Remember when I was correlating Natalee with the launch of the space shuttle? NASA has had three incidents which took the lives of astronauts. Apollo 3, Challenger 7, and Columbia 7. 3 x 7 x 7 =147.
Most people are aware the Big Ben stopped ticking on 5/27 the very week that Natalee was beginning her vacation. But, did you know that it stopped on the 147th day of the year and Big Ben itself is 147 years old.
One final note, Big Ben stopped ticking at 10:07. 11/3/05 is 1007 days after Columbia disaster. 1007 is also the 838th composite number (8)(38) =>(8)(11)
Hyper, I can’t believe I subscribed to this thread.
Anyway wierdos of a feather…
What’s the number for “mycommentssectionisbeginningtolooklikeadarrenaronofskyfilm”?
Anyone?
Anything to do with ostriches?
Because that would be really freaky, man.
i dont like that time cube guy he’s nutz!