Spent the morning doing light surveillance on a neighborhood couple whom I believe would, if properly instigated, burn the American Flag. I base this suspicion on a number of factors, including a fanatical fidelity to recycling, and the Kerry-Edwards bumper sticker still adorning their red Saturn. Plus, the guy wears sandals in the evening and on weekends.
So far, neither of the two has desecrated a sacred symbol publicly — this morning, for instance, the gentlemen left for work at 7:26 AM, and his wife, after finishing her coffee, took a shower and sat down to watch “The View”—but I’m thinking about testing their resolve by paying a few of the neighborhood kids to plant several tiny flags on the property and to paper the lawn with a couple thousand Xerox copies of the 10 Commandments. After all, liberals, sufficiently aggravated, tend to drop their guards.
Developing…
update: 4:22 PM MST, female subject pours herself a glass of bottled water, flavors it with the juice of two freshly cut lime wedges. My CITIZEN JOURNALIST’s instincts tell me that a flag desecration can’t be far off. Maybe tomorrow I’ll step up the surveillance a bit.
But for now, pie.
Just make sure you don’t covet that wife during your surveillance … or the Saturn.
They’re the Ten Commandments,
not the Ten Suggestions
Otherwise, good work, carry on.
oh, and no blogging on the Sabbath, either.
</i>the guy wears sandals in the evening and on weekends.</i>
Sheesh, they might as well have a giant flashing neon sign that says, “A Godless Communist Fifth Column traitor lives here!”
Damn Jeff,
I didn’t know we lived on the same street. Though you must admit that when she watches the view, my wife Emeralda is pretty hot all 320 pounds of her. OT: Thanks for the DVDs been fun watching them.
Spam word: Such – As in my wife is a such a hottie when her jellyrolls show.
You’re going about it all wrong. Invite them over to your house (or go over to theirs) for a few beers. Make sure the bottles go into the trashcan instead of the recycle bin. That usually brings the looney bastards right out of their shells. I use it as a party trick sometimes, like putting tape on a cat’s paws etc.
Did the Mrs. have a television in the shower? Was a loofa involved? The reportage is not clear.
Better safe than sorry, Jeff. Take them both out, take them both out NOW. Then proceed to your back yard to rendezvous with the dolphin in the pea coat – he will have your extraction route, red pills and passport ready. Follow his instructions TO THE LETTER.
As always, should you be caught, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions.
Roger that. The black raven flies west. I repeat, the black raven flies west.
I agree with Joe.
Terminate. With extreme prejudice.
Smoke?
I don’t think it’s called “light surveillance” when you watch the lady next door take a shower.
They’re a cult.
Burn them out.
The View? She will have to die a slow, painful, gitmo death. The sandal wearing freak must be killed quickly, and his sandals buried face down. It’s the only way to be sure.
You’d better be careful, it could be a trap. While performing your surveillance were you observed? Cops, children, small birds… Anything could be part of the evil left-wing/ MSM/ Hollywood/ Vegan conspiracy.
Just to make sure, when you terminate your targets, kill everything living in a 5 mile radius.
This is the funniest comment thread I’ve read in a long time.
See, I can be positive!
I don’t get it. Pie?
The View? She will have to die a slow, painful, gitmo death.
Why? Hasn’t she been tortured enough?