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No excuses this time, Jeff. It’s Friday, and we want to see the armadillo dance!

Yeah, right.  And I want a house in Newport so that I can take Katie Holmes for naked wheelbarrow rides on the beach, then prop her up against a pier support and bang her through the surf like a randy walrus trying to crack open an oyster. 

Take a number, losers.

20 Replies to “No excuses this time, Jeff. It’s Friday, and we want to see the armadillo dance!”

  1. Alpha Baboon says:

    Avoiding the Armadillo again hmmmm I’m gettin the feeling that you dont even really have an armadillo.. dancing or otherwise.. probably just a bunch of cats and kittens.. with slobbery cat toys and multilevel perches around your house .. and electric automated cat boxes.. and little outfits like Paris Hilton’s hydrocephalic chihuahua has.. a cat person.. I knew it.. Feh.

  2. gail says:

    No, I heard the armadillo bark on the radio that time.

  3. Jeff Goldstein says:

    That was my seal. My armadillo actually speaks Spanish.

  4. Scott P says:

    Are you sure?  Pushing a wheelbarrow through the sand is really hard, no matter how worthy the objective.

  5. Scott P says:

    I just Googled her. 

    I’ll help you push, just to be a pal…

  6. the dennis miller write up at the Toast was a riot.  He’s a great new addition.  Lots of material there.

    But, where is Pat O’Brien?  I would think he has a few things to say on a blog.

  7. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Dennis Miller was Steve H from Hog on Ice. Don’t know if Pat works clean enough for Huffingtonstoast…

  8. R says:

    Pushing a wheelbarrow anywere is just a matter of the proper tire pressure.

    Turing word: recent, as in I recent(ly) pushed a bunch of mulch around the house in a wheelbarrow.

  9. Slick Willy says:

    Katie Holmes in a wheelbarrow down the beach???

    Now that’s a jiggly moment I’d pay to see. 

    Forget the armadillo.  Show me jiggly Katie and randy walrus Goldstein knockin’ the bottom out of that wheelbarrow, baby.

    It could happen.

  10. I could have done without the walrus image.

    Really.

  11. Beck says:

    In other news, HundredPercenter News is No More.

    The blog, however, persists.

  12. Okay, it’s like, Sunday, and still nothing on the armored road kill.

    At this point we’d settle for a badger.  Maybe an ocellot.  Hedgehog?  How about just a hedgehog?

    Don’t leave us hanging here, Jeff.  What about OUR needs?

    You selfish bastard.

  13. Daniel says:

    I’d like to see this armadillo dance.

  14. maggiekatzen says:

    why not a cat? i hear cats are good!

  15. TomB says:

    Here’s yer hedgehog. But I don’t know if he dances.

    But he does do a mean “randy walrus” imitation.

  16. gail says:

    And speaking of armadillos. Watch yourself, Jeff. Just in case any body parts start dropping off.

    The disease, caused by Mycobacterium leprae, primarily affects the skin and nervous system, particularly the limbs and digits. It’s not especially contagious, as people once widely believed, but it can cause permanent disability and disfigurement and is still a source of social stigma. The disease is treatable with a combination of antibiotics.

    The [leprosy] bacterium has long puzzled researchers because its genome is filled with an unusually high proportion of damaged, nonfunctional genes. This is probably why it grows exceedingly slowly, making it difficult for researchers to study because they can’t grow it in culture. In fact, M. leprae only lives in humans and in armadillos (which might have acquired the bacterium by eating infected human cadavers), and it can also grow in the footpads of mice.

    spam word: dead

  17. gail says:

    Sorry, I messed up my blockquote.

  18. gail says:

    It would be better if the graf before the block would disappear.

  19. norm2121 says:

    I’m sure Jeff is NOT re-phrasing Bob Dylan with his wheelbarrow riff – as a kid I’d hold the spread legs of a “friend” while she trotted along on her hands. Like a wheelbarrow. Visualize that.

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