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Overheard inside an Haditha bunker, Thursday, May 26

First militant:  “You have heard the rumors, have you not, Kalil?—that Abu has been seriously wounded and is soon to meet Allah, peace be upon him…?”*

Second militant:  “This I have heard, my brother.  But fear not.  I have it on good authority that these rumors are but a ruse—a story created by Abu himself to raise the spirits of the infidels so that when he suddenly resurfaces, his sword ablaze with white hot righteousness, the Great Satan will despair and come to fear his holy inspiration!”

First militant:  “That is fine news indeed, Kalil!  If it is true.  But what if it is not true?  What if Abu truly is soon to leave this mortal coil?”

Second militant: “Ah.  Well, in that case, we are royally fucked, my brother.  But please, let’s think positively, shall we?  Speaking of which, how about that Carrie Underwood?  Quite a set of pipes on that filthy filthy whore, wouldn’t you say…?”*

13 Replies to “Overheard inside an Haditha bunker, Thursday, May 26”

  1. TallDave says:

    Classic.

    Thanks for sharing.

  2. Tman says:

    Marine Sniper:(on satcom)”Hey Sarge? Permission to shoot out that tv satellite in the bunker I’m observing? If I have to hear another goddamn word about American IdolI may just fucking lose my mind….Over…..

    …..Not to mention I’m losing faith in my homeland that they let Bo get shafted like that..over..”

  3. gail says:

    Nice, Jeff. You have their voices down.

  4. Alpha Baboon says:

    Allah be praised my brother.

    This is a day for rejoicing indeed.

    Allah in his infinite wisdom has

    with his own hand guided a 7.62 mm

    Full Metal Jacketed American sniper round

    To the chest and lung of the great traitor

    to the true way of Islam himself,

    Abu Musab al Zarqawi. Allahu Akbar !

    ** Dude..at the risk of being called a sycophantic ass kisser and parasite.. I have to praise this latest dialogue.. your Arab speech pattern is back on track.. and you’ve captured the anxiety that must be running through the insurgent world right now, as well as the pro/anti western duality of the modern Arab mindset. In other words.. I liked it ! A lot even !

  5. Alpha Baboon says:

    Roger that Tman !

  6. T Marcell says:

    I love these pieces, but that first militant uses the phrase this mortal coil?

    …you have to admire a cave-dwelling nutter that’s somehow familiar with both Shakespeare and Carrie Underwood’s pipes.

  7. “And Christ! I mean, by Allah!  Where did this sandstorm come from?”

    Turing = force, as in The latest Star Wars film is reputedly so unmemorable that to refrain from referring to it with a PW Turing word like “force” doesn’t really take a lot of mental force.

  8. William Shakespeare says:

    umm, excuse me, first militant, but you SHED a mortal coil, you don’t LEAVE it..

    (under breath: stupid towelheads!)

  9. McGehee says:

    [wet thumping noise]

    First militant: “Dammit, Kalil! I told you not to block the TV! Now how will I ever get these stains out of my best turban?”

  10. gail says:

    Actually a mortal coil is a thing that one shuffles off. As if to Buffalo.

  11. Carin says:

    These are, of course, my favorite Bingo square.

  12. Walsingham says:

    Oddly, this post caused me to run a Google search on the term ”dirty, dirty whore Chex” and, guess what?

    This site is not at the top of the list.

    That is just sooooo wrong.

Comments are closed.