9 undeniable signs that you’ve wandered into the Carnival of the Infrequent Friday Posters
You can’t turn right without running into either a skank or a midget in a biker jacket.
A cigarette-smoking clown perched over a water tank keeps calling you a “fatass bloggy loser” and reminding you that “Hinderaker craps bigger’n you.”
You shell out five buck to walk into a tent and all you find there is Oliver Willis sitting on stage shirtless, eating a box of Devil Dogs.
Tilt-o-whirl!
A teenage girl in a tube top eating a candy apple causes a tiny stir in your jeans; Michelle Malkin immediately registers her disapproval.
Everywhere you look: mullets. And of course, Italians.
After spending $74 trying to pitch softballs into the lip of an oversized pewter milk jug, you walk away with a Lynyrd Skynyrd chain wallet and a buck knife.
Laurence Simon is there hawking his very own “The Carnival of the Infrequent Friday Posters Is Full of Crap” mirror site. While holding a cat. And a funnel cake.
It suddenly dawns on you that it’s Friday, and there hasn’t been a whole lot of posting going on.
23 Replies to “9 undeniable signs that you’ve wandered into the Carnival of the Infrequent Friday Posters”
Ah yes, the smell of funnel cakes wafts gently over the midway, mixing with the stench of the 4-H livestock barn; two sunburnt dirtbag teenage lovebirds walk by, their hands entwined in each other’s ass pockets.
The chief high school senior tormentor of my freshman class was a guy named Jim Beacom. King of the titty-twisters, he was. Anyhow, he dropped out and later got busted for selling pot in South Dakota. Ended up spending a year in the SD State Prison.
I saw him a few years later, working as barker at a carnie booth – the one where you squirt water at these plastic monkeys and they would race up a pole. “Go, Go, GO! Watch those monkeys go up the pole!” he would yell. Don’t know why, but that audio image is imprinted in my brain, 20+ years later.
A short time after that, he was killed in a carnival chainsaw accident. Apparently the saw kicked back while he was cutting some railroad ties, right into his face.
Absolutely true story. The moral? I dunno. How about, “stay away from carnivals”?
Jack Daniels mirror? I’d give anything to find the old REO Speedwagon mirror I used to have back. There used to be this old carnival game set up like horse racing, where you had this pinball plunger and each time you shot it, your horse moved either one or two spaces. I was pretty badass at that game, if I do say so myself.
Iowahawk.. You see ? If Oliver Willis hadnt ruined it for ALL sideshow freaks by displaying his man boobs pubically while eatings Devil Dogs, your friend could have had a career as a 10-in-1 Star.. Jim-the-Two-Faced-Guy-with-a-Chainsaw-Stuck-In-His-Head (or something like that..)
You know, the Italians do great things with mullet. Serve it up on a bed of vermicelli, covered with slices of various peppers and squashes, a nice big helping of marinara sauce—all topped with grated parmesan cheese.
Hmmm. The local Olive Garden restaurant finally opened for business…
See ? Its creepy, perverse, retinal scarring acts like that that were the death of the 10-in-1 Freakshow…
Damn you Oliver Willis ! You AND your man boobs !!
Turing word: Special
As in: Well..Isnt that special..?
I resent that! I’m not a midget in a biker jacket! I’ve been on a hot date with MC … we’ve been travelling. I promise I didn’t hurt him.
I’ve got the Infrequent Shabbos Posters award locked up.
Except when Steve H. posts as Shabbos Goy.
Maybe it’s the Viagra … you really should stop. You might be going blind.
Ah yes, the smell of funnel cakes wafts gently over the midway, mixing with the stench of the 4-H livestock barn; two sunburnt dirtbag teenage lovebirds walk by, their hands entwined in each other’s ass pockets.
The chief high school senior tormentor of my freshman class was a guy named Jim Beacom. King of the titty-twisters, he was. Anyhow, he dropped out and later got busted for selling pot in South Dakota. Ended up spending a year in the SD State Prison.
I saw him a few years later, working as barker at a carnie booth – the one where you squirt water at these plastic monkeys and they would race up a pole. “Go, Go, GO! Watch those monkeys go up the pole!” he would yell. Don’t know why, but that audio image is imprinted in my brain, 20+ years later.
A short time after that, he was killed in a carnival chainsaw accident. Apparently the saw kicked back while he was cutting some railroad ties, right into his face.
Absolutely true story. The moral? I dunno. How about, “stay away from carnivals”?
I post like mad on fridays!!! So there!! I even have a bit of a naughty joke up today. Not jefflike naughty….just naughtylite I guess.
Jeff, are you just gonna keep ragging on poor fluffy kitty blogger Laurence until he says “meow?”……
iowahawk, the moral is that sometimes there is justice on earth…
God, how I miss those sunburnt teenage dirtbag days…
SOMEBODY FIND ME A JACK DANIELS MIRROR! I DEMAND A JACK DANIELS MIRROR!
Jack Daniels mirror? I’d give anything to find the old REO Speedwagon mirror I used to have back. There used to be this old carnival game set up like horse racing, where you had this pinball plunger and each time you shot it, your horse moved either one or two spaces. I was pretty badass at that game, if I do say so myself.
Those were the days *sigh*
Ah, the Tilt-o-whirl!
Many fond memories. Why, I proposed to my fiancee on the Tilt-o-whil! at the state fair in Bismark.
But then I celebrated a little too much, fell off the Ferris Wheel, and now I am paralyzed and bitter.
Just the other day, I was wondering what had happened to all the O-Dub jokes. And now, they’re back. Bless you, Jeff.
Turing word = audience. As in, “I’m sure there’s a huge audience out there for jokes about getting drunk on squeeze butter.”
Iowahawk.. You see ? If Oliver Willis hadnt ruined it for ALL sideshow freaks by displaying his man boobs pubically while eatings Devil Dogs, your friend could have had a career as a 10-in-1 Star.. Jim-the-Two-Faced-Guy-with-a-Chainsaw-Stuck-In-His-Head (or something like that..)
I’ll say it again..
Damn you and Your Man Boobs Oliver !!!!
You’re not in the Carnival of the Infrequent Friday Posters: you’re in New Jersey.
Damn that Michelle Malkin.
“With skin as thin as a funnel cake.”
Doesn’t work, Jeff. Your skin’s thinner than that.
Hey Larry! Idea for you: JEFF GOLDSTEIN’S SKIN IS SOOOOOO THIN AND FULL OF CRAP.COM
Like a rocket, that would take off.
Like a rocket fueled by the cuteness of cats!
Is there where I make a tasteless joke about submitting a photo of my pussy? Gotta love catblogging.
Hey Larry! Idea for you: JEFF GOLDSTEIN’S SKIN IS SOOOOOO THIN AND FULL OF CRAP.COM
Like a rocket, that would take off.
Note to self: don’t inhale coffee ever again. You are a man, not a fish.
It’s not just Friday – it’s Friday of a holiday weekend.
Holy crap, it’s true!
Look, guys – two hebes a thousand miles apart started an argument with each other!
CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?
C’mon, folks, let’s all sing!
Kumbya, my Lord, kumbya…
Everybody!
You know, the Italians do great things with mullet. Serve it up on a bed of vermicelli, covered with slices of various peppers and squashes, a nice big helping of marinara sauce—all topped with grated parmesan cheese.
Hmmm. The local Olive Garden restaurant finally opened for business…
The “Carnival of the Infrequent Friday Posters” is up at Josh Goldsteins. White trash bloggy goodness.
Read the whole thing.
Indeed.