So, that was interesting. Now what?
****
update: Seems my site is being blocked for “adult content” by Websense filtering software. I’ve written them to find out why this is, but they haven’t bothered to write me back yet—probably because my email, which was laced with profanity, didn’t get through their “adult content” filter.
I blame filthy-minded libertarians, whose foul mouths and dirty minds have forced socially conservative do-gooders to call for this quite necessary check on free expression.
****
update 2: Actually, I blame the person who submitted my URL to Websense on May 1, according to the Websense website. That’s yesterday, for the record.
In any event, the blogosphere has reached its nadir. Enjoy yourselves, people.
Goin’ fishin’?
Have a Bloody Mary. This one in particular:
http://www.withcheese.net/000247.php
Disneyland!
Turing word “ahead” – on an entry asking “Now what?” God really is an iron.
Q: Why are you supposed to hold up a 1-iron during a lightning storm on the golf course?
A: Because even God can’t hit a 1-iron.
God: That sounds like a challenge, Craig. See you on the links.
I hear no Ceremonial Processional.
You don’t suppose the Say Anything babe’s hindquarters have anything to do with it?
The thong non-clad bunny in the blogad probably isn’t helping…
I doubt it. She’s wearing clothes. But hey, you never know. Maybe somebody should publish a list of the words we can and cannot use.
And really, I think the first offense should be a stern talking to, don’t you?
Gail! How freaky is that!
Turing = sense, as in It defies all…
Jeff, we’re living in an age of social conservative ascendance. It’s way beyond backlash; it’s a counter-countercultural revolution. Approve or disapprove, as you will–but please don’t be surprised anymore.
I’m thinking the whole Jeff Gannon thing was what upset the censors.
You know, gay cock and all- dem censors are pretty sensitive.
I JUST WANT MY PIE.
What about Wonkette? Does she get an “assfucking” free pass? I want to know—yes, BECAUSE OF THE HYPOCRISY!
Seriously, that’s how it works? One disgruntled dick sends them an e-mail and you are on the blacklist? Nice.
Hey, I’m with websense on this one, ‘cause I need some yahoos to keep me from polluting my mind with pictures of ….
sorry, I got distracted by the blond on the right. What was I saying?
“the blogosphere has reached its nadir.”
It’s about time somebody reached ol’ Ralph.
Nader? Aww, man—does this mean I have to wear a seatbelt when I post?
It’s the boa.
No. But Jeff Gannon drives a pinto. So watch out who you rear end.
Corvair, man!
Pinto—you made me think of the scene from Top Secret. One of my favorite scenes ever from a movie:
“LOOKOUT…PINTO!”
*ting*
*BLAM!*
I thought Corvairs were known for nasty, oil occluded drippy tailpipes.
Yeah. You may be right.
Sorry, I’m thinking rollover! (and pant a lot!)
Now you’re thinking Corsairs.
Them too, ravaging the net.
“Nadir,” heh.
Talk to me when the Reynolds/Simon/Johnson is in its third week of creepiness.
“Now what?”
Write the great American novel. Better upside, far fewer fools to suffer, and people actually respect the fact that a novelist needs to get drunk once in awhile.
I know I’ve said “hey, write a book” a few times already but I hope you’ll ignore the repetition as you’re the only person I’ve ever actually said that to.
Good luck though finding a form for your output and for what it’s worth it does kinda seem like the blogosphere has gotten pretty retarded of late. I was down to reading you and like two others and that was down from a high of probably 30 for awhile.
Unless you’re just going fishing, in which case my advice and best wishes are the same except they include some suggestion of bringing some bug repellant.
I think websense has unblocked you now. Either that or my employer runs traffic that originates in the office through the filter but doesn’t bother blocking when I’m on the VPN. Which kinda makes sense.
Either way, I’m glad I built my own little tunnel to skip their stupid filters no matter where I am. And they are stupid, they block several of the computer hardware review sites I like to visit, presumably because they are “gaming” related. Fucktards.
Thanks, Matt.
Jer—I’m hoping to get a book of weird little sudden fictions done by pumping them out here. But then somebody pointed out that sudden fiction is just a repetitive “meme,” and that’s got me questioning the whole project.
How’s your novel coming along? Good, I hope. I admire your ability just to walk away from all this…this online glory.
I think it’s just because I’m on VPN. They websense database says you’re “adult content”. I’ll let you know in the morning.
BTW, this is probably the least repetitive blog I’ve read yet. I’m sure you know this, but I can find literally dozens of memes you used in the past that you rarely or never return to.
Perhaps Laurence is mistaking increased comprehension with repetition. I know I get your bits more now that I used to, but I’m pretty sure that’s because I’ve become more twisted and not because the bits have become less so.
I’ve always been fascinated with how Pynchon taught me how to read Gravity’s Rainbow by actually writing Gravity’s Rainbow, if that makes any sense. I try to do the same thing here—only with far less skill: I try to habituate readers to the grammar of protein wisdom.
Incidentally, any idea how to get out of the “adult content” category?
That’s funny. I’ve always been fascinated with how Pynchon mindfucked me by writing Gravity’s Rainbow. To this day, I have no idea exactly why I picked it up on a mild summer afternoon at City Lights and decided to buy it.
That book is the cruel mistress that I just can’t stop going back to.
And I love it.
They have a form you can fill out if a page is in the wrong category. I don’t know how many hits are required to change their minds, but I’ll email you a link tomorrow and you can post it.
I was going to fill out the form but realized I’d logged into their site (they require that to even look at the database) with a bugmenot account. I’ll get my own account and be the first to request that you get put back in the News category.
Spam word: ATTACK!
That’s right, Jeff. Your pedantic regurgitation of hilarious material only serves to make the weak-willed and giggle-seekers return to your site again and again in their quest for purile, desperate humor. Sure, just keep trotting out the samed tired old inspired brilliance, time after time. Just keep on doing it better than most any other blog out there and see what happens! Just you wait! Hah!
Whoa. Not sure who I channeled there.
Jeff, the next time you let some snot nosed blog-haque wannabe mess with your mojo, I’m persunnully gonna smack you upside the heed.
Your shit is outta control awesome. Of course, I’m deeply disturbed on a number of emotional and psycho-social levels, so my credibility in these matters is somewhat suspect, but that’s beside the point.
Actually, Jeff, I think you’d be surprised at how easy it is. While I initially kept coming up with funny/weird gags/ideas that I wanted to blog about, it wasn’t more than a week or two until I was able to start focusing most of my constant internal buzzing towards my story. It was odd but I just stopped having so many random thoughts and started having many more, I don’t know, applied thoughts.
I’m guessing—watch as I peer into your skull—that’s what keeps you blogging right now. You just keep getting alot of good ideas that aren’t necessarily on a theme or unified set of themes. Blogging looks like the perfect form then. However, what if blogging is actually so freeform that it’s wagging the dog so to speak and it’s now actually making your creativity extremely freeform?
It’s what I found to be the case anyways. Of course that means giving up on the highly gratifying interactions you can only find with catbloggers or anonymous shitbags who have the social graces of those faceless people who paw underage girls when the train conveniently lurches. (Note to all the good folks: I don’t mean you but we can all admit that the internet does seem to have a fairly high number of the bitter bores and the simply social inept.)
My stuff? Pretty good. I haven’t met the man with the printing press yet but I’ve met the man who’ll take 15% and the woman who tells me that I started calling a character by a totally different name on page 78. Pretty encouraging actually.
Shit, you should take that as very strong secondhand encouragement. Your blog was always more entertaining than mine. Why not start kicking my ass in an entirely different format for a change of pace?
Okay, I hereby conclude this meeting of the pw insomniacs club.
And I’ll open a new meeting of the PW early risers club. All in favor say Aye.
Aye.
Speaking of blog graduations, I notice Sparkle got her first Instalanche(TM) yesterday. So that’s something.
Drifting further off topic, yet still in line with this tangential weave:
<a href=”http://lfw.org/jminc/Because of the HYPOCRISY!/https://www.proteinwisdom.com” target=”_blank” class=”text”>PW mainlines Jeff Gannon!</a>
Create your own Protein Wisdom truth here. Type in the underlying metaphore and then enter Jeff’s
No refunds on the 2 minutes of life. Void where prohibited. (Websense, for instance)
“But then somebody pointed out that sudden fiction is just a repetitive “meme,†and that’s got me questioning the whole project.”
You are not allowed to be serious about that. What genre isn’t a repetitive meme?
I’ve been writing more than ever since I’ve been blogging because I have an (admittedly tiny) readership, and I’ve come to hate writing in a garret. No feedback, and it gets stuffy up there.
I’m even blogging my dissertation. . .just for the suckers on my committee, but still. It makes me turn out the paragraphs.
“Gail! How freaky is that!”
Sanity Inspector! Is there such a thing as Ass Synchronicity?
Hah, I hid in a broom closet and overheard everything the pw early risers club has been saying! (I’m always so effective at work after an all-nighter.)
But, I wanted to second what Gail was saying. What the hell’s the matter with playing with some variations on a theme? Has anyone informed Catman that SNL has had a fake news segment for over twenty years! That’s where his argument—if he was actually marshalling one and not just being a bitter bore—falls apart. Repetition implies replaying the joke, the actual content, not the form. It’s like saying everything ever said in quatrains or couplets is the same. Or saying that the Beatles=Stones because they both did that verse then chorus thing with the same instruments.
Oh, and Jeff, I spaced on this and didn’t mention it but I think the sudden fictions would be a pretty cool little compilation to put together. I also guarantee that no matter how unconnected you made them, I would sense a pattern and become convinced of an underlying narrative like I did with Jesus’ Son by that one dude or The Informers by Brett Easton Ellis. I’m informed by friends that this is one of the ways in which I’m severely retarded.
Jeff–
I like your new tag.
“What the Right might look like in shorts and a t-shirt.”
That so fits the South Park branch of Republicans.
Speaking of blog graduations, I notice Sparkle got her first Instalanche(TM) yesterday.
Congratulations to Sparkle, then!
In fact, Sparkle’s discovery set me to wondering, and experimenting. If Protein Wisdom were suddenly turned into an advertisement for a minor Herman Melville novel, maybe this would be the result!
Jeff, on the Bingo slam: if you’ve got enough memes to fill a freakin’ Bingo board (and he didn’t even include the Martha Stewart Diaries), then lack of creativity is not your problem. The charge, “oh, he just keeps running through the same 25 running gags because he’s unoriginal” lacks a certain internal consistency. It’s like saying, “Big deal; he just keeps juggling the same ten plates over and over again.”
I’ve always thought the Sudden Fiction and other “repetitive memes” were great.
A book of them would be great. I normally read novels, but I get too involved at 10:30PM and end up reading till midnight (much too late). They would fill a nice of things I can read for half an hour without missing a sense of closure.
niche*
I hate the word ’meme‘ … I’m just sayin’ …
Re: Websense, my office uses that too (haven’t had a chance to check if PW is now blocked until a week from now). Regardless, I’ve found that by disconnecting from the company’s hardline network and logging in via the office wireless network, I can completely circumvent WebSense.
You can also circumvent it if you can force the IT gnomes to reboot the server, which can often be accomplished by using Firefox to open 100 or so web pages at once (open bookmarks in tabs). That one crashed the server quite thoroughly. Fortunately they never figured out it was me.
Hey Jer, if you ever get published be sure to send me an email (or make an announcement here or something) so I can checkitout.
Jeff, isn’t it enough to know you’re brilliant without going for a second opinion?
I don’t know what you’re talking about, Desert Cat. Right now I’m trying to get my site unblocked.
Gee, I thought the blogosphere reached its nadir about three years ago and scraping bottom ever since…
What? Argh, am I being obscure again? Dang. Never comment before my first cup of coffee takes effect…
This.
Jerâ€â€I’m hoping to get a book of weird little sudden fictions done by pumping them out here. But then somebody pointed out that sudden fiction is just a repetitive meme, and that’s got me questioning the whole project.
Turing word: blood. There’s blood in the water.
protein wisdom DOES NOT COUNTENANCE OBSCURITY!
(And I was just kidding about that ‘questioning the whole project’ thing. Which I meant to note earlier for Gail, but I’ve been busy trying to get my kid to eat).
For Pappy: There’s a country song (go figure) which observes, “When you’ve hit rock bottom, there are only two ways you can go: straight up, or sidewise.”
Wynona!
(as of today you’re unblocked on my work computer, Jeff; will advise impact on productivity soon)