Only in this re-imagining, which can only take place in a postmodern world of manufactured “reality” and antifoundationalist moorings that insulate tyrants from critiques that rely on hoary Enlightenment ideas like reason or logic or consistency, Woodward and Bernstein actually murder Deep Throat to protect Nixon, and the rest of the mainstream press actively celebrates the missing 18 minutes of tape, sneering at those who believe the gap to have been intentional or even relevant, labeling them teabagging extremists who are clearly acting out of a combination of racism and misogyny.

Then everybody plays golf while Jay-Z and Beyonce bump uglies in the Lincoln bedroom. Using a Betsy Ross flag as a spooge rag.