At 8:33 PM, Malachy Joyce [HundredPercenter] said…
Jeff-
First of all- what’s with all the religious insinuations? For what it’s worth, I haven’t been to church since my son was baptised. So don’t get your beenie twisted.Your minions here and on PW are starting to resemble Democraticunderground.
In reality- you and your lib friends are the minority, while true conservatives support life, 100%.
Hear that? My “beenie” [sic] is in a twist.
My beenie [sic]. Because I’m a Jew. Swarthy. Hairy. Cheap. With designs on the world.
And let’s face it: somebody like me can’t be a “true conservative”—especially so long as I have a beenie [sic]. In spirit, if not in practice.
MAN, WHAT A GREAT DAY TO BE A CONSERVATIVE!
****
update: I can’t express to you how pissed I am right now. Developing…
****
update 2: Get ready, Malachy…
****
update 3: via email, Malachy writes:
Nice show you are putting on.
Seriously- do you have a song and dance to go with that act? Sorry if I offended your sensibilities. Some men have thicker skin than others.
Well, Malachy. Part of my thick skin was taken from me 6 days after birth. One of those “beenie” [sic] rituals. But trust me: I plan on testing the thickness of your skin.
So ready yourself, you pissy little Buchananite. Because this ain’t 1925, and I ain’t part of any gentlemen’s agreement. And if Jack and Betteanne are all you have to lend you succor, it’s going to be a long next couple months…
Wow, he managed to combine a slur and a “no true Scotsman” fallacy. Impressive!
Hang in there Jeff.
why link to this guy?
he clearly “cleaned out” the very large blogs on his blogroll just to bait them into linking to his 600 views a day site.
The man is a wiener.
“I can’t express to you how pissed I am right now”.
I think you just did.
You’re Jewish?
I’m confused. Do you think you could get Oliver to call you a rethuglican mouthbreather on the same day Malachy calls you a liberal moonbat?
Some people do think they’re the same person, you know.
Jeff,
As a minion, I’d like to convey how upset I am about the harsh rhetoric on both sides of the issue. I’d like to think you two can resolve this issue without petty personal insults.
So, naturally, on my site, I told Hundredpercenter to blow me.
Umm, where was I going with this?
I was a Christophile by birth, but beenie or not, if I had a blogroll you’d be on it.
Never heard of that guy until you linked him, but I’ve been lurking here almost every day since you’ve been back.
Keep it up and don’t let that bum get to you.
I like your beenie!
I could start roasting the weiner, but, I’ll refrain, for now!
I’m not sure I understand you, Jeff.
Shit, if I had a blog and even half your talent (especially your ability to get even the most obstreperous lefty to shut-the-hell-up), I would completely bummed if I hadn’t been de-linked. The list of that lame-ass’ now de-linked blogs comprises the bulk of what I read on a daily basis.
Jeff, I can’t tell you not to be pissed (I’d be enraged now too), but I can entreat with you not to take this too seriously. No question that this guy is a grade-A moron (and threw out a crypto-bigoted remark on top of it), but he’s transitioning into unvarnished trolldom now.
On the other hand, if you must let it boil you over, please, PLEASE let it result in some truly righteous PW sheet-lightning textual fury. Because I don’t think I’ve ever (wittingly) read a post of yours written in full-on anger, and I get the sense you’d be utterly devastating. This jackass is really beneath your time and effort, but then again you can’t say he hasn’t earned the opprobrium on principle alone.
Turing word: “consider,” as in “Consider using the flamethrower on this guy.”
Don’t spellcheck me! I know it’s wiener!
Malachy is just lashing out because he’s got his panties in a wad…which, that just makes a statistic cranky.
Jeff’s Mom: Jeffrey ! Jeffrey ! You quit teasing those mentally retarded kids and get your toches in here… ! And straighten your yarmulke young man…
Jeff’s ‘beenie’ actually had a supercool propeller that was powered by a small motor and two AAA-batteries.
And a seadragon, I think, named Cecil, but I digress.
I’m a comin’, Beanie-boy!
Tonight at 8:33: When Jackasses Attack starring HundredPercenter.
Pssst. HP. You forgot blood libel.
Sheesh. What a jerkoff. I thought Gail had established that Jeff had Myrmidons though.
Jeff! Why are you so ticked? Don’t let strangers get to you.
Hey! They don’t even have a radio show!
I remember being so disappointed when I realized that “myrmidons” was etymologically and semantically unrelated to “mermaids.” In one flash of searing, blinding revelation my dreams of a badass half-man/half-fish trident-wielding army went up in smoke.
Oh, and yeah and they were chicks, too. Think about it: legions upon endless legions of half-human/half-fish trident-wielding warrior chicks.
The dream will never die!
ummm…that was me.
SeanH. Myrmidons is MINE. I own that word. Gail has orthography. Keep it straight. I’m watchin’ you. Mister.
As a good Baptist, I’d like everyone to know just how liberating it is to wear a “beenie” [sic]. I’m planning to wear my “Jesus Was a Jew” “beenie” [sic] tomorrow night, in fact.
You?
Girl fight.
Oh. Sorry. My memory bites.
OK, Jeff commenting that inbetween my posts did NOT sound right. No, I am not a warrior chick.
Oh, no. We’re not letting this one go by so fast. Sorry.
Sparky is a fierce trident wielding mer-warrioress. She commands the merman navy and is queen of the seas. (Go with this. It’s so you. You should have someone design a little logo. How cute would that be?)
OK, Jeff commenting that inbetween my posts did NOT sound right. No, I am not a warrior chick.
Don’t sell yourself short. You might actually look really spiffy in a breastplate and grieves, sporting a halberd, a shield, and lovely, slimy-scaled fishtail.
Ok! I like being Queen!!
Can I have man slaves????
Why pay any attention to the guy? He can’t even spell “beany.”
My wife used to have a good friend at the FBI who couldn’t pronounce “yarmulke.” She said, “yarmukle.” So of course, that became her nickname.
Someone up there was completely right when they said these asshats were beneath your notice. The one guy even managed to be homophobic while talking about the Terri Schiavo issue, two things with little in common.
They make me want to have hot lesbian sex on the altar of the nearest baptist church, and then I’m going to have an abortion, not cause I’d need one, but cause it would piss them off. (Is that too offensive to be funny? Sorry.)
Craig, you’re interruping my underwater Queen fantasy with tanned oiled mermen slaves…PLEASE!
Jeff. Don’t listen to moderation. You should be enraged and pissed.
But we, your faithful sycophantic poseurs, were compared to the DemocraticUnderground.
Please smite somebody.
Shinobi, yeah that was kinda offensive.
But since you are sorry, like a good Christian, I forgive you..
BUT as A WARRIOR QUEEN …. I SMITE YOU!
Sorry, Sparkle. Can people who live underwater be tanned? And doesn’t the whole tail thing kind of eliminate….well, you know.
Well’ I’ll be damned. The spamword generator made a freaking mistake. It was obviously supposed to be “pubic,” and I got “public.”
Whoa! JW, that was spooky!
Craig, of course they can be tanned. We lounge on rocks the ocean!
The tail thing? No problem. We girls can have fun with just the top part…..
Smiting. I like it.
And if YOU like smiting you should read the ass full of smite that HP just got from Jeff over there at HP.
Not spooky. Disturbing, maybe.
Smite enema.
The battle continues! Getting into a battle of wits with Hundred Percenter seems kinda pointless, though. Like getting into a sprinting competition with a narcoleptic three toed sloth.
On the more important topic, can artificial tans work underwater? Maybe a rub on cream, or something?
I was totally on board with this whole myrmidon fantasy until someone brought up the Merman Navy. Myrmidons ought to be singing something from Wagner, not “Everything’s Coming Up Roses”.
Malachy Joyce=Pat Buchanan Lite
Manly Merman Navy. Manly manly men. Man.
You’re thinking synchronized swimming with water wings and I’m thinking water polo team with spears. You see how groovy that is. Right?
“Smite enemas” When Jeff has friends like us, who needs enemas?
I’m a Ninja Warrior, it will take more than your puny smiting to stop me!
I think I’m going to have to stop reading the posts at 100% before I say something REALLY offensive.
I don’t think we should keep the title “High Colonic of the Blogosphere” for ourselves. We should share that.
That knucklehead needs to spellcheck his “beenie” (sic), and just shut up. He’s a hundred-percent nuisance at this point.
As for Jeff G being a Hebrew, (that may not be terminologically accurate but I wanted to try it out) whats not to like about that, for crying out loud?!?! Even a cursory inspection of the Pentateuch reveals the great love the Lord has for His chosen people, even after all of their shennanigans. And the Lord…He don’t change His mind about stuff like that.
Don’t mess with the peeps of the Lord, thats what Zeb say.
Yes. But it does need a bran name. How ‘bout “Smoothage?” (After Archie B., my man.)
I like the sound of that Ana.
It could be an award for flushing the stick (or head or hamster) out of someone’s ass. There could be a logo. I shudder to think.
If it’s a sin to spellcheck your weenie (as I believe was established earlier today), is it not also a sin to spellcheck your beenie?
It’s also a sin to spellcheck your beenie weenies.
But if you have a beenie on your weenie, then you are not among the chosen.
Oh, don’t get me started. You know I’m a no-circ girl.
Ana – I could certainly get on board a drive to shovel-shag each and everyone of the High Colon maggotdons of the blogsty like HP. Problem is theres more important things at hand, like figuring out where we parked the invisible merman-mobile….The video release shall be titled “Yarmulke’s Under the Sea”. By the way “Warrior Queen” does not preclude Willis from participating. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…..
I’m glad that war on terrorisim is over and we can get back to the really important issues. How did we do by the way? Did we win?
Warrior Queen who doesn’t require a huge bouancy compensation device. How ‘bout dat?
Screw this Warrior Queen garbage. This guy, who claims to represent “true conservatives,” has essentially bounced me and my lib “beenie.”
I want to hear some fucking OUTRAGE, people! Get to it!
Jeff needs fodder for the RADIO tomorrow!
Imprecations be upon their heads. “The righteous shall rejoice when he sees the vengeance. He shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked.” (Psalm 58:10)
Sorry, Jeff, but you seemed to have a pretty good handle on this, especially over at HP. I mean “filthy pussy” pretty much covered things. I am, of course, outraged for you and your beenie. OUTRAGED!!!
Yeah, whatever, Gail. I’m a Jew, for Chrissakes! Speak to me in fortune cookies! And coupons!
is your beenie as insulted as you?
Outrage—you got it, bro!
*ahem*
Grrr!
Sorry dude. I think I need a Red Bull or something.
I AM FUCKING OUTRAGED!!! HP IS BEHAVING LIKE A FAR-RIGHT VERSION OF OLIVER WILLIS WITHOUT THE KRISPY KREMES OR THE OBSESSION WITH JEFF GUCKERT’S COCK! HE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE CALLED YOU “FILTHY,” AS WILLIS DID TO WOLFOWITZ! WE ARE GOING TO TAKE IT TO THE HP… AND TO OLIVER… AND TO FLORIDA… AND WASHINGTON, D.C…
YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHH!!!!!!
Now you’re talking.
A Brief Conversation with Jeff’s Beanie.
Me:
Beanie:
Me:
Beanie:
Me: Fuck that cocklicking Hundredpercenter fucktoid.
Beanie:
– Yahno…Isn’t that just the way it goes… you barely get started with the “Brave New Yarmulke World” organizing efforts and bam!… Don’t ask, don’t tell rears its ugly weenie head.
– Pink Trident vibrators for everyone….
– The weenie-beenie can be kosher Gail as long as its an 8” CUT WEENIE OF GAY PORN TRUTH….and of course it has to bear the union label…
Don’t forget Florida condominiums, either, Jeff.
Screams Jew.
I mean that in a nice way, of course.
How bout a nice Irish curse “May thine enemies all be afflicted with the itch and have no nails to scratch with!”
With beenie wearing dolphins in the lagoon.
I’m gonna be OUTRAGED the whole way home from work now and then I’ll be FUMING the whole time I’m watching “Lost” with the wife, just so you know, Jeff.
MAY YOUR CONSERVATIVE ARMPIT HAIRS BE INFESTED WITH THE FLEAS OF A THOUSAND CAMELS, YOUR MOUTH-BREATHING BREATH BE AS THE PUTRID STENCH OF A BOGGY LEACHFIELD, AND YOUR DICK OF MINOR CONSEQUENCE BE THE LAUGHINGSTOCK OF THE WHOREHOUSES YOU BESMIRCH.
(spamword: john. no shit.)
Wow – that’s 30 minutes of my life I’ll never see again. I couldn’t help going and reading the pompous fuckwit’s site, and those people are utterly unhinged, particularly Malachy and their poet laureate, “Jack”.
Willful ignorance of the actual position of your opponent in a debate is not an admirable trait, and they’ve got it in spades over there, true believers that they are.
ugh, my spam word is dead. how can i ignore that? think i’m going back to watching cartoons now. can the armadillo come out early? please?
why don’t they make one of these with puppy eyes? huh?
Wow, these people’s parents should be punished for breeding.
This isn’t going to end well for anybody, is it?
hahahaha…
That’s fantastic. I love this blog.
What???
His poet laureate’s name is “Jack”?
Oh, that tears it, by jiminy.
Somebody hand me Gannon’s GAY COCK OF DEATH. IT’S CLUBBERING TIME!!!
Oh, and yes, I had a Red Bull. Thanks for asking.
Well, having caught up on the reading here, I’ve found a bonus that gets me back perhaps 10 of the minutes I wasted at 100%:
I never knew how “toches” was spelt.
(BTW: do I now know the proper spelling, or am I still deprived in this area?)
I’M OUTRAGED!
Oh, and Patton, I’ve seen it spelled in a number of ways, including “tchuss.”
“By the way- your radio show sucks rocks.”
as compared to your radio show hp? or was it just really well hidden?
since i don’t typically blog about stuff like this, i’ll just say here that, being a conservative, i don’t think the government should have gotten involved. it’s a personal matter. it sucks that her family is fighting over this, but it’s their own fight.
Mr. Malarkey,
I am now a bit drunk and you are a supercilious, condescending BVD skidmark.
I, however, will be sober in the morning.
Would it be too harsh to call HP, in words once spoken by Eric Cartman, a big floppy donkey dick?
I didn’t think so.
…you know, the guy with the wannabe Newsmax blog—maybe fifty readers? Name sounds like malarkey, seems to feel that the rule of law should proceed from his uninformed biases? Recently delinked from eight sites with more credibility in each of their logo graphics than his entire blog, including archives? C’mon, I know you know who I’m talking about…
HundredPercent of who’s this now? Sorry, never heard of the guy.
What irks me is, two weeks ago, Bill INDC told me this Malachy guy is a dick. And I said, “no, he’s okay. He’s just really into this issue.”
And I fucking HATE being wrong.
A brief conversation between HP and Howard Dean, with guest appearances by RightWingSparkle’s new thong and Oliver Willis:
HP: Yergghhh!!!!
Dean:
YEAHRRGGHGHH!!!
HP:
YEAAAHRGHGHGHHHHH!!!
Thong:
Dean:
HP: Yergheehh!!!!
Oliver Willis: Are you going to eat that doughnut?
********
Hey. This is outrage man. Like, total outrage.
Turing word “federal” as in “Let’s make a federal case out of this one, shall we?”
I kind of look forward to the day when the world is run by Jews.
MMMM Knishes!
I know, Jeff. Sucks being wrong. BTW, your bookie called. Something about a large bet you placed on the Washington Generals. You really should have consulted me on that one.
Aaaaahhh, so now the truth comes out. I’m sure everyone was wondering why you’d waste your time worrying about such a nonentity.
Now it’s clear. It’s really all about losing your aura of omniscience with Bill INDC. Not about….what was his name again?
So he drops the religious equivalent of telling a black blogger not to get uppity or telling a Native American to hold off on the warpaint and then gets surprised there’s a reaction? What a tool. A flaccid ineffectual one at that.
hey, being a heeb you are aloud to get a girlfriend aren’t you? can’t you guys have more than one wife?
Naw, maggie, them’s the Scientologists you’re thinking of.
well, but what about abraham? and, uh, those other guys that had more than one wife or maybe they were just um, nevermind.
My new thong would never get NEAR Oliver Willis. Ewwwww….
Oh just admit it Jeff, you don’t even have a sick beenie.
I guess I will go over there and try to talk some sense into my fellow Christians. Cuz nobody talks to my jeffy weffy that way. NOBODY!
I hope I come around here often enough to qualify as a minion.
Fuck this tool. Since he bounced you, Bill, Charles and Glenn, I no longer have any reason to visit his site, as I’m quite sure I never went there in the first place, unless one of you linked to a particular post of his.
But, of course, I wouldn’t mind going over there to fuck with him, if that’s what you want.
Just say the word, buddy.