Scene: The Oval Office. Election night. Most of the President’s senior campaign staff are present. Barack Obama, Valerie Jarrett and Jim Messina are gathered around the desk, poring over a map.

Messina: “Our early-voter efforts haven’t quite performed as we’d hoped in Ohio and Virginia. Romney’s troops have fought harder than we expected and have been focusing their efforts on less-likely supporters while holding their most enthusiastic voters in reserve for today.”

Jarrett: “We had to slap a muzzle on the governor of Colorado after he said some things in Wisconsin that has hurt morale there.”

Obama: “That’s okay. We’re going to surprise everyone in Florida and North Carolina, and Axelrod will hold Minnesota, Michigan and Pennsylvania.”

Messina: “Mr. President, Axelrod…” (glances nervously at Jarrett)

Jarrett: “Axelrod has been spending most of his time these last few days interviewing barbers.”

Obama: (freezes, then raises a shaky hand to his mouth and puts his half-smoked cigarette in an ashtray) “Everyone here who has even for a minute thought that Herman Cain might be an authentic black man, leave now.”

(all of the senior campaign staff leave except Messina, Jarrett, and a funny-looking, beady-eyed guy leaning against the wall)

Obama: (yelling) “For four years I have carried this country toward a fundamental transformation and this is the thanks I get!? A bunch of bitter clingers can’t stop whining because they can’t find jobs anymore in an industry that has to die to save the future, and I’m the one who has to pay!? And my campaign manager just up and decides shedding his lip ferret isn’t worse than abandoning his President when he needs him most!?”

Jarrett: (looks uncomfortable)

Messina: (looks clownish)

Obama: (winds down) “It’s all over. These people don’t deserve me.” (looks up at Jarrett and Messina) “You do what you want. I know what I have to do. I might as well end it…”

Jarrett: (alarmed) “Mr. President…”

Obama: “…I have to swallow my pride and get ready to call Romney and concede.”

Warning: It will only happen if those who haven’t already voted (like me) get to the polls and make it happen.