Scene: The Oval Office. Biden, Carney and TOTUS are present.

Carney: “WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU LAST NIGHT!!!???”

TOTUS: “They wouldn’t let me in. It’s discrimination, pure and simple. Just because I’m a communications device they think they can exclude me from events like this.”

Biden: “Not like that bar around the corner, right? Boy, we had a great time there, didn’t we?”

Carney: “The President needed you, you dysfunctional agglomeration of foreign-made transistors! And you let some damn window-dressing policy stop you? Whose side are you on, anyway?”

TOTUS: “I told you, I tried to get in. Security wasn’t treating the policy like window dressing. One guy threatened to send me to a recycler if I didn’t leave. You don’t know what it’s like to be viewed with so much contenpt.”

Carney: “I go and I stand in that press room every goddamn day of my life. You want to know what contempt is?”

Biden: “Hey, Totie, tell him about that book you’re gonna write next year.”

Barack enters.

Barack: “WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU LAST NIGHT!!!???”

Biden: “Whoa, echo!” (to Carney) “Kinda reminds you of the press room, doesn’t it?”

TOTUS: “Barry, calm down. It was only the first of three debates. You’ll do much better in the next one.”

Barack: “I should have known it was going to go badly when I saw Axelrod’s flunkies all poor-mouthing in the press about how out-of-practice I am.” (turns on Carney) “And you were supposed to make sure the moderators were on my side. What the hell happened!?”

Carney: “I invited them all to that Rose Garden barbecue TOTUS arranged, but somebody sent around a fake menu that said the main course was going to be Brisket of Bichon Frise.”

Biden: “Wait, you mean that’s not really on the menu? Darn.”

Barack: “You’d both better put things right in time for the next debate or you’ll both be working for Debbie Wasserman Schultz. And you –” (faces Biden, who tries to sink into the sofa cushions) ” — you’d better take Ryan apart in your debate or I’m sending you to be Deputy Mayor in Chicago.”

Biden: (shuddering) “Please, not that. I still have nightmares from when Rahm was working here.”

Lightning flashes outside despite cloudless sky, loud thunderclap startles Biden causing him to run blindly across room and dive through closed window; last seen fleeing across Rose Garden.

TOTUS: “Nice going, Mr. President. He’ll be hiding until the snow flies.”

Barack: “Call the Secretary of State and have her sub for him against Ryan.”

TOTUS: “Nobody’s going to buy that.”

Barack: “Then I guess you and Carney had better get used to the idea of bleeding from the ears, because that’s what you’ll be doing within an hour of reporting for work at the DNC.”