Me: “So. What do you think, Tony. Is Michael Jackson guilty?”
Ghost of Tony Randall: “How should I know? I’m a ghost. I’m not a mind reader.”
Me: “I realize that. I was just wondering if you had an opinion on the matter –”
Ghost of Tony Randall: “– You know, I am sick and tired of being treated like some otherwordly being with strange, quasi-mystical powers. I am just the same as I ever was. Only dead. And mostly translucent.”
Me: “Fine, sorry. My apologies.”
Ghost of Tony Randall: “– And I don’t need food. Or sleep. Or clothing. Or transportation…”
Me: “Sure –”
Ghost of Tony Randall: “– And I can achieve orgasm simply by thinking about it.”
Me:
Ghost of Tony Randall:
Me: “You finished?”
Ghost of Tony Randall: “Yes, sorry about that… Say, I don’t suppose you’d happen to have a cigarette on you, would you…?”
That conversation made me feel happy and peppy and bursting with love.
And happy and peppy are pretty thrilled, too.
That was even creepier than the average encounter with a ghost.
And it makes me a little suspicious of what that so-called ectoplasm Bill Murray got slimed with, really was. Not that I actually want to know, you understand…
(Spam word “evidence”—dammit, Jeff!)
“That conversation made me feel happy and peppy and bursting with love.”
Anyone?….Bueller?….Anyone?
Jeff, when Jason says you’re the Steely Dan of the internet, does he mean the group, or…well, you know.
Me: “Ya sure.. here you go…Marlboro ok?”
Ghost of Tony Randall: “Just a second.. just a sec..sec…uughhh Uugh UUUGHHHH uughh ugh… aaa.. whew.. wow.. whew.. ok.. ok
God, theyre so much more intense now.. kinda makes up for the last 20 years of my life when the equipment wasnt really ..ya know.. responding.
Me:
Ghost of Tony Randall: I’ll take that cigarette now…Marlboro’s fine.. Gotta light?
Oh, by the way..sorry about the mess on your shoe.. but dont worry..only you and I can see it..
If you were Mr. Short Term Memory, that orgasm factoid would be surprising to you each and every time you heard it.
Mr. Goldstein is the acknowledged King of the dialogued “double-take”… after reading that bit with Mr. Randall, and the piece about the dentist with unique proclivities, I am trying to avoid a visual of a Goldstein “spit-take”…
Well; if no one is gonna jump on that “GayCOCK” set up line I’ll just go play some golf… FORE!
So the Ghost of Tony Randall got off, eh? So did Robert Blake…and he too looked like he needed a cigarette after hearing the verdict.
So why wouldn’t he have an opinion, seeing as how he and MJ have so much in common?
Turing: “days”, as in “It’s been many days since Jeff’s comment box erased my particulars, like it just did for some reason with this post.”