It’s last call for the WERGLE FLOMP POETRY CONTEST. There’s no fee to enter. Online Submission Deadline is April 1. Prizes of $1,190, $169, $60 and 5 honorable mentions of $38 each. A humor contest with a special twist. Judge: Jendi Reiter. Submit one poem online here.
My submission, The “If I owned the sword Excalibur” poem, can be found here.
I just had to finally comment on the pictures just to the right of my words. Softly rubbing against the adjectives, nuzzling my nouns. Hmmm. Really, I came for the intellectua..to visit Say … uhh, intell Boston based Dusty Brand cl—intellectual pursuits of women in skimpy v-shaped—of the kind of insightful blogging and commentary that you’ve shown again and again that a beige shirt can really make a fashion statement. Pink makes your eyes really stand out.
Uh, not your eyes, Jeff, but the eyes I’m talking about… uhh…
I’ll be rightbakc
Since you’ve entered the contest, Jeff, wouldn’t any entry of mine be like me arm wrastlin’ Hulk Hogan? Or something?
Oh, I very much doubt that. I don’t believe the poem I sent was what they were looking for, to be honest with you.
Which makes it all the more fun, right?
But it’s such a great poem..funny and smart. I’m not sure I agree that it doesn’t exactly fit their criteria…you submitted it to your own site, granted, but humor was definitely intended. Where’s Gail to weigh in when we need her?
BTW, Big D, those pictures are distracting, in general. Pretty sure most people want to buy “graphic tees” after seeing these ads. As you were….
I’m here, with my imprimatur in hand, declaring Jeff’s poem an officially humorous speech act. But this one is still my favorite:
Ode to Stephen Dowling Bots, Dec’d
And did young Stephen sicken,
And did young Stephen die?
And did the sad hearts thicken,
And did the mourners cry?
No; such was not the fate of
Young Stephen Dowling Bots;
Though sad hearts round him thickened,
‘Twas not from sickness’ shots.
No whooping-cough did rack his frame,
Nor measles drear, with spots;
Not these impaired the sacred name
Of Stephen Dowling Bots.
Despised love struck not with woe
That head of curly knots,
Nor stomach troubles laid him low,
Young Stephen Dowling Bots.
O no. Then list with tearful eye,
Whilst I his fate do tell.
His soul did from this cold world fly,
By falling down a well.
They got him out and emptied him;
Alas it was too late;
His spirit was gone for to sport aloft
In the realms of the good and great.
Mark Twain
Wonderful, Gail. Wasn’t that a cover by AC/DC?
And Big Dan – don’t you think the new Say Anything Girl exhibits more silica than the rocks she’s posing before?
I like performing the Ode to SDB in the elocutionary style (with hand movements), so when I say “His soul did from this cold world fly” I raise my arms and face to the heavens, then cast my face downward and point to the floor for “By falling in a well.” The overall effect is quite moving. Really.
More silica? Why, no, of course not. Next you’ll be saying that Pamela Anderson has used performance-enhancing substances to improve her popularity. Downright foolish if you ask me … and it’s just lies that which simply fly in the face of any …
it flies in the face .. the face …
aHHem!
OK, I think they’re real because to me they seem to vibrate, on screen, just a little bit. In fact if I nudge the monitor on one corner then they seem to really… hhhhhh hhhhHHHH …. hHhHhHhH
Of course I’ve seen stuff like this before, so fortunately I am
…
I am
immune …
…
<wanders off, clicks ad>
The comely new bikini-clad “Say Anything” model asked me in apparent disgust… “And who do you think you can please with that little thing?”
I gave a winsome smile and replied, “Me.”
Five minutes with that young lady is all I need. And what we do with the last 4 1/2 is entirely up to her.
More silica? Why, no, of course not. Next you’ll be saying that Pamela Anderson has used performance-enhancing substances to improve her popularity.
Seems there may be some new evidence regards her attibute(s)
Gee whiz, I thought WERGLE FLOMP was the name of that new “Say Anything” girl.
I thought I had a great title for a poem to attempt. Then I thought to google it and wouldn’t you know, someone has already done “The Love song of Alfred E. Neuman.”