When drinking martinis with the dolphin in the pea coat, the traditional garnish of 2-3 plump olives—pimento-stuffed and skewered on stainless steel olive picks—is perfectly acceptable. In fact, should you try too hard to adjust your choice of garnish to account for perceived cultural differences, you run the risk of actually offending the dolphin—who, as it happens, considers himself every bit as “American” as Darren Stevens or William Faulkner.
Or to put it another way, plump olives: good; a hank of raw squid and three live shrimp: not good.
As American as Darren Stevens, which one Dick York or Dick Sargent?
Hmmm.
So what about the drink of Real Men? The KimChee Martini?
Oh sure you can talk up olives all you like, that’s just so …. Western. But a Kimchee Martini? That’s a definite sign of manhood! You bet!
A sign that you’re ready to get up off the floor, thump your chest a couple times and drag that blonde at the bar off for a night that she’ll never forget. Something probably involving plenty of vomiting.
Kimchee Martini. Mmmmmm. Spicy!
I think I read somewhere that it was Hunter S. Thompson’s final wish that his loved ones drink kimchee martinis with his corpse.
Youre possessed by the spirits of Hunter S Thompson and William S Burroughs arent you ? and maybe a smidgen of Neal Cassidy..
no dolphins
my mother is a fish
Sorry, Jeff, but a real martini has cocktail onions. It’s called a Gibson.
Wow, did I say “COCKtail onions?”
I hope those cocktail onions have spongy length.
Did I mention that “Spongy Length” was the name of my first band?
Uh, no. The real Martini is the Sky vodka with the Roses Lime in a cute little glass. Not a schooner you TGIFridays bartender from hell. How in the hell am I supposed to look alluring drinking out of a trough? Huh? I try and I try….
With regard to the dolphin’s fastidiousness, I’m shaken but not stirred.
Don’t neglect to tell them that those little paper umbrellas stuck in the olive are vulgar…not alluring.
I just drink cheap scotch straight out of the tanker truck.
Through a hose?
Is this the dolphin’s way of telling us you’re guest blogging over at Steve’s while they’re in Mexico?
Slightly off topic, but is Lepsis really Ana’s last name?
The traditional 3 to 1 gin to vermouth, or General Montgomery style (8 to 1 odds before he’ll authorize the attack)? I mean it would be a little ironic if the dolphin wanted his martini extra dry, wouldn’t it? Or would we be impolite to take note of it? And would he find the blue tint of the Bombay Sapphire to be a kind reminder of his home, or would he think it presumptuous?
I guess I’m learning all the implications of this dolphin relationship as we go. It’s not easy. Maybe we’ll just stick to a nice single malt scotch next time. Oban, perhaps. Everyone loves Oban.
If you give him all your fish, though, he’ll just thank you and say so long. Dolphins can be a bit abrupt.When it’s over, it’s over.
Actually not through a hose.
A straw.
But thank you for asking.
That’s good, Kevin. Because if you use a hose, you want to make sure it’s not the same one you emptied the RV with.
spamword: hoseshit
actual spamword: private, as what one does with one’s hose is.
My dad’s martini recipe was 6-to-1. Six parts gin and one moment of silence for the vermouth.
Who’s Kevin?
Keyword, “you”
No Craig, I’m not Kevin. Kevin is Kevin.
But I thought Kevin was Judd Nelson.
No, Kevin was Andrew McCarthy.
Someone clue me in on Kevin.
And Hellblazer.
What did you all do to him while I was off saving the world from evildoers? There’s bat guano all over that thread a few posts down.
Not Lepsis.
No no no. Andrew McCarthy was Clarence Darrow. Jeez.
Then maybe I’m Stanley Caldwell.
Whoops, I was misremembering. Ironically, it was Kevin McCarthy who was Clarence Darrow.
Spam word “irony.” How ironic.
It’s like watching a ping pong game with a cantonese sportscaster. There’s a lot of motion and someone’s talking but who knows what’s going on?