As I survey the vast expanse of the cyber universe—my muscled man-chest puffed proudly before me, my ample penis pressed flush against my taut thigh, straining against its leather binding to point outward at the sprawling binary fields of my bailiwick—I, like Beowulf the Dane before me, am saddened before the site of my earthly burdens, and long to find women to bring to my realm so that I may share with them salted herring and the sport of bowling. And fruity–tasting shooters with distressingly little alcohol.
update: And of course, to help me mend my stockings and the like.
update 2: You can cook, by the way, right? Because, y’know, I have certain needs, baby.
update 3: (And while we’re on the subject of needs, you wouldn’t happen to be into swinging, would you? Because if you were, that would be, like, so totally cool.)
update 4: Oh. Feel free to bring along some of your friends, too. I have plenty of beer.
{reaches for “mountain rain” scented moist towelette}
Hey.
I noticed you used “bring” to be the word to link to MY site. JUST WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, MISTER???
(This has been your Psycho Killer Qu’est-ce Que C’est PMS Womyn Post of the Day.)
Andrea, At least he didn’t call you a herring.
Hey, I didnt’ even GET a link, even though I got a trackback. I bet I was supposed to be that “I” that has no link. I can read into that, Jeff. I know exactly the message you’re sending me.
And why do all your smileys appear to be male, except the one that looks like a ho?
I get annoyed at this “where are the women bloggers” nonsense too, every time it pops up over the past years I’ve been blogging.
Now, I read Andrea all the time, so I’m more than a little puzzled at the part of her response ( not the comment above but linked by Jeff above ) where she seems to be saying that male bloggers are put off by women actually blogging. I read a lot of women bloggers like Michelle, LaShawn, Andrea herself, Jane Galt, Joanne Jacobs and many other women bloggers. I don’t visit them for the different plumbing, I read them when they post on what interests me.
So I’m “to”? I would rather have been “fruity-tasting” but someone else got that.
This “women bloggers” debate made today’s Washington Post. Howard Kurtz linked to me. The article is a backhanded slap, but traffic is traffic.
That’s the spirit Trish.
Chicks abound on actual message boards like About.Com or iVillage.
To toss out a theory, those are the internet equivalent of the beauty parlor – unlike a blog, chatboards are not any one person’s place, so everybody has equal standing to participate in the discussion.
Also, discussions are arranged by topic rather brought up by the interest of the blogger.
Perhaps de wimmen on the internets are more topic-driven than personality driven.
Perhaps I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about?
Perhaps I should put on Maurice Chevallier’s ‘Z’ank ‘eaven for leetle girls’ and shut the fuck up Donnie-like.
Keep up the good work ladies. If any of you are members of the ‘Unshorn Sisters of the Apocalypse’, my apologies.
Bowling….? I am just honored to have been mentioned in the same sentence with Beowulf. Not too many men have the ability to slay the Grendels of my life.
Jeff, you are my hero.
John
If you include another update, I wish to be the word sexy. (smiles sweetly)
Again with the leather binding. This is gail’s fault somehow; I’m sure of it.
Jeff, I note the absence of RWS. Surely that must be an oversight.
Steve —
She was supposed to be “fruity”—not Dan Riehl from Riehl World View. I have made the correction. Just grabbed the wrong URL off my blogroll.
Swinging?? LOL I guess that could fall along the lines of sexy.
And since you asked — I am into anything that is fun. (read into that what you will) And fun for me includes jumping out of planes.
[RWS] was supposed to be “fruityâ€Ââ€â€not Dan Riehl from Riehl World View.
Boy, that could have been embarrassing—eh, Dr. Freud?
Oh, so that’s how you get Jeff to link to you. Pick on the boys.
Okay. Noted for the future.
I got to be “realm.” Kneel before Zod.
I am “women” hear me roar.
“Now, I read Andrea all the time, so I’m more than a little puzzled at the part of her response ( not the comment above but linked by Jeff above ) where she seems to be saying that male bloggers are put off by women actually blogging.”
Robin, you didn’t read me this time. I didn’t say that male bloggers were put off by women “actually blogging”—I meant that some male bloggers can’t seem to take it when women didn’t blog in some preconceived relaxing, nurturing, soothing, vacation-for-the-men-from-their-stressful-lives geisha fashion. In other words, some men don’t like it when the ladies cuss.
So we get these periodical foolish “why aren’t girls popular/is it ‘cos all they do is post about their cramps and the little sweaters they knit for their doggies?” bleatings. I think it’s funny. (And yes, by the way, I am engaging in exaggeration, hyperbole, and unfair extrapolation. Some men don’t like it when the gals do that either, even in the interests of humor. In fact, especially in the interests of humor; some men—by the way I am by no means thinking that some men happen to be reading or contributing to this blog at this moment but if the shoe fits… anyway, some men act as if they’ll grow manboobs and get a yen for a cuticle massage if they laugh at a woman’s humor instead of grousing about her “PMS bitchiness.”)
Hey by the way Jeff “Whomping Willow” shut down her blog some time ago so that link doesn’t go anywhere.
I have no idea why Matt thinks you’re looking to get your ass kicked (unless he means by Kevin Drum, which I don’t think is a big worry). This is just awesome.
JEFF GOLDSTEIN IS MY MASTER!
(Well if I’m going to have both my feminist card and my sistah card taken away, might as well go down in flames.)
I think we should all burn our bras on Jeff’s website. Anyone got a match?
Unless I get upgraded to a full sentence, I’m going to devote an entire day’s postings to “observations on male facial hair envy”.
Either that, or it’s the digicam pics, baby.
Excuse me? FRUITY????? You could have just used the whole phrase “fruity tasting,” at least that would have been sort of a…compliment. But fruity??? I am so not fruity.
I SERIOUS CITIZEN JOURNALIST!!!
Andrea, I understood what you meant, I just didn’t paraphrase well. I don’t know that you are wrong, I just don’t experience those reactions myself and don’t know anyone who does. Speaking for myself.
I think we should all burn our bras on Jeff’s website.
But what about those of us who don’t wear bras?? (evil things that they are)
yay! i’m certain.
You should burn your Birkenstocks, then. :p
I guess “help” isn’t such a bad way to be linked. But it seems somehow insipid. No offense.
If you don’t aim high, you don’t have fall to far. To me, “insipid” is like a big fluffy mat I keep on life’s floor.
After reading this thread, why do I have an overwhelming desire to go to Amazon.com?
Two minutes after posting the above comment, I got a spam from Amazon.com pushing Major Garret’s new book.
Where’s Rod Serling when you need him?
… in Binghamton.
and of course, I’m course – whatever that might mean.
Thanks for thinking of me.
I rather liked being “mend.”
And I still think you missed a couple of important ones. But that only underscores your point.
Hey, Robin, I don’t know anyone who does that either! But then I don’t read those blogs—the ones I read all seem to have bought a clue. Or maybe it’s my habit of not paying attention to the sex of the person writing—more than necessary anyway. (Such as: it would be silly of me to wonder if Kim Du Toit was a woman.)
I have no idea what I mean by this, by the way. I blame Benadryl, not estrogen.